I lost my mother August 4,2006 it was a massive heartattack it was total by surprise to me and my family. I'm still having a hard time dealing with it . My husband seems to think that I should be fine by now but I still find myself crying when I'm alone or at work. My oldest son took it very hard and he tells me when he go out to my mim and stepdads house that he sometimes sees smells or hears her is this normal or just his wishful thinking?:confused:

So sorry for your loss. I think that everyone handles grief differently and there is no timeframe to get over losing a loved one. Just take every day as it comes and it will get easier. Remember the wonderful times you had with her. As for your on, I totally believe that if you are close to someone and that person passes away you will definitely see, feel or smell their presence.

Vgirl, my heartfelt condolences to you babes.
Nothing I can say here will make you feel better. That will come from time and from within yourself.
All I can do is speak from my own experience:

My mum died 13 yrs ago. I was 23. I still haven't gotten over it in some ways & I don't think I ever will.
All you can do is live each day as it comes for now, its perfectly OK to cry & be sad. No-one can put a time limit on when you should 'be okay'. It will differ from person to person. If you are having real trouble coping then consider getting some help, talk to someone ( a friend, doctor, healthworker, pastor). I used anti depressants for a while.

For a long while after my mum died, I thought I could smell her perfume around the house or hear her laugh (& sneeze!). At the time it gave me great comfort to think that she was happy and having fun again, & may even be with my Dad again.
Over time, these feelings disappeared.

I still miss her, especially when some life event happens (both parents missed my wedding).

All you can do is grieve, however long it takes. Remember her, laugh at the good times, cry at the sad times, be thankful for the love she showed and show it to others.

The best tribute you can do for your mum is to carry on living and grow into the woman she would be proud of. She will be watching.

I truly wish you well.
Moomin

Just had to answer you, lost my mother a couple years ago myself, I still thinking of my mother daily, and yes I still grieve over her. Tell your hubby that until he has to go through it himself he won't understand that sort of loss.
As far as your son seeing and smelling her my son has also said that, who are we to say it is wishful thinking? Once he said mom, grandmother is in the doorway smiling his face was so drained of color I thought he would faint.
I see others answered you as well that have lost a loved one, see hun you are not the only one that still grieves even years later it is NORMAL

Im sorry for your loss.

I lost my father too in July 2004. He had terminal cancer, very unexpected and very painful.
I have accepted his death, but that doesn't mean that my heart and soul doesn't miss his pressence. I loved and still love my daddy so much and yes sometimes when I look at his photos I smile other times I cry.

Your husband shouldn't think that you should be fine with it. Has he lost a parent?

All you have to believe in, is that your mother is at rest, like my father, in peace and they are tranquil, looking down at us from heaven and watching over us like guardian angels :)

When I think of that I smile, and feel re-assured but it doesn't mean I shouldn't cry. So if and when you cry don't feel bad, and your husband should support you when he see's you down.

I still have tears over my grand dad who died 5 years ago. I even cried in my ex's arms at one point, it was quite surreal. All I know is time helps but that person will allways be there and the fond memories will be there for ever. They will be watching from afar and you will grow into the most amazing person who they will be proud of :)

The environment of your mum's house will remind your son of your mum, and conjure up all kinds of smells that he associated with her. It's a natural way for the brain to associate environment and person.

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Originally Posted by vgirl

I lost my mother August 4,2006 it was a massive heartattack it was total by suprise to me and my family. I'm still having a hard time dealing with it . My husband seems to think that I should be fine by now but I still find myself crying when I'm alone or at work. My oldest son took it very hard and he tells me when he go out to my mim and stepdads house that he sometimes sees smells or hears her is this normal or just his wishful thinking?:confused:

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Getting over a loved one isn't easy escpially a MOTHER at that.I lost my fiancé in Jan 2003 who Ive had 2 children by.I still think of him,cry over him,see him,smell him or even talk to him.Sometimes I find myself waking up with tears in my eyes.My sons always ask 'What can I do to bring Daddy back' and questions like that upset me so much.I am with someone else now and have had another child by him and I still can't seem to forget my fiancé that passed.There is no other that can compare to him.Your husband should understand that losing a parent isn't easy and you can't forget about it overnight.Just think of all the good times you had with your mom and just know that she is watching over you and your son. Sorry for your loss.

A sudden death is always the hardest on the loved ones who are left behind. It's what's best for the person who actually dies but it's difficult on those left behind as there's no chance to prepare emotionally for the impending loss. I don't think there's any objective reality to your son's apparent sensing of her presence but I'm sure that lots of things in the house still remind him of her so I'm sure it's normal to some extent.

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Originally Posted by vgirl

I lost my mother August 4,2006 it was a massive heartattack it was total by suprise to me and my family. I'm still having a hard time dealing with it . My husband seems to think that I should be fine by now but I still find myself crying when I'm alone or at work. My oldest son took it very hard and he tells me when he go out to my mim and stepdads house that he sometimes sees smells or hears her is this normal or just his wishful thinking?:confused:

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I am so sorry for you loss and can tell you that the tears may always flow but that is OK because your loved you mom... It has happened to me and still I will be in a store and I think of her and bam... it starts.. I just hear her words and laugh... It does get easier but the feeling of loss I do not think ever goes away.

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Originally Posted by vgirl

I lost my mother August 4,2006 it was a massive heartattack it was total by suprise to me and my family. I'm still having a hard time dealing with it . My husband seems to think that I should be fine by now but I still find myself crying when I'm alone or at work. My oldest son took it very hard and he tells me when he go out to my mim and stepdads house that he sometimes sees smells or hears her is this normal or just his wishful thinking?:confused:

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I am so very sorry for your loss. But it is your loss, and you will deal with it on your terms and in your own manner. We are all different. Our relationships with are loved ones are all different and that's what makes it so special and so difficult for you. But over time, it will get easier and you will laugh to yourself and out loud about the funny times you had with her. No one can take that away. Embrace it. And honor your Mom's memory. How would she want you to be today? What would she tell her daughter right now if she was with you? I imagine she would say she stills loves you but she would want you to keep going and be strong for her. So honor her with a smile and tell some funny stories about her... your Mom will be glad you did. You will be o.k. I promise.

It's still early days... and it's your mother... so there is and always will be a special bond... there is not time line for grief... of course you will still cry... it's not even been 1 year... my father passed away 6 years ago and I still think of him every day... there are moments when I see something in a shop and think: "Oh, he would have loved that..." and it's fine... the feeling of loss -as Keys4u- said will never go away... and that's perfectly OK... it's understandable.
As time goes by you will find a "second skin" on your wound... but it will always be there, sometimes you will feel pain or sadness for not being able to share with her... but in spirit she is with you... take your time... and if your sons "really" sees or smells her is in fact besides the point... this is his way to grief, sometimes I think that I hear my father's voice when I am going through a difficult time in my life... as if he talks to me... whether that's the case.. it does not matter... it makes me feel better and that's all that counts...

Good luck to you and your family...

My mother died nearly ten years ago. My father in 1982. There are many times when I would like for them to see what I am doing - have there approval and be proud of their child. Just the child thinking in me doing that.

I don't think that we ever get over not having our parents around. Frankly, I think that if our parents had brought us up to be decent citizens, then the things that they taught us when we were children should always be in our minds and in our hearts.

I'm not sure what your beliefs are. But, my comfort comes in knowing that they are not in any pain anymore. They are okay. And, that someday we will all be together. They just got to Heaven a little sooner than the rest of us.

My mom and grandmom died in 2000 one month apart.. right before christmas...

Worse time in my life... now, nearly 7 years later, things are better... but it still hurts sometimes... I think about them a lot. Still miss them, especially around thanksgiving and christmas.

Hang in there... it gets better, but takes time... how much time is different for each of us.

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Originally Posted by vgirl

I lost my mother August 4,2006 it was a massive heartattack it was total by suprise to me and my family. I'm still having a hard time dealing with it . My husband seems to think that I should be fine by now but I still find myself crying when I'm alone or at work. My oldest son took it very hard and he tells me when he go out to my mim and stepdads house that he sometimes sees smells or hears her is this normal or just his wishful thinking?:confused:

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I lost my Dad November 30, 2006. I still have a very hard time with it much like you do with your mother. Sometimes I am reminded of him in the silliest ways. I find myself doing things like folding towels just as he did (military style) with out thinking. The Saturday before fathers day I had a strange dream where he came to visit me while he was out riding with his buddies (I believe his father and another buddy both which have passed on too). Perhaps these are things that my unconscious mind has made up but they are never the less comforting. Although those things may be a little eerie, I think they are a blessing to your son because it can help him feel that his grandmother is still with him and she is watching over him. As with your husband, I think he is being insensitive. You had many years with your mother; she is not someone you can just get over losing. No one greaves in the same way or for the same amount of time. There are different stages in grieving. Perhaps like me your mind is just beginning to accept that your mother is really gone. That is a hard stage to be in because it is like you are losing that person for a second time. I don't know what the next stage is or how I will handle it, but I will take it one day at a time as you must do as well. I'm sure your Mother just as my Dad would want us to just be happy and not grieve too long. You and your son will get through this and you both will be OK. I wish you the best in your time of heart ache. I know it is not easy for you.

Hi, My mum died very suddenly of a heart attack too... 13 years ago. I can understand the shock.

I don't know if anybody else knows what I mean but I think grief just becomes a part of who you are. Not in a bad way but it just never really goes away. For example I hate hearing about people who don't get on with their family cause I think... do they know how lucky they are that their family is still alive??

I am a lone parent with two young kids and I would give my right arm to have my mum around... but that is not the cards that life has dealt me so hey hoo.

I miss her every day of my life but the fact that I hold it together is a testimont to the brilliant parent she was. 13 years on I would so much love to just sit down and have a gab with her!!

The moral of the story... there is no time limit on grief... it just becomes apart of who you are :-)

So sorry for your loss. I too lost my mother in 2006. In six weeks time we lost first my father in law, then my father and then my mother. They were all ill, but my father in law and mother's death were still sudden, whereas my dad had terminal cancer. Needless to say running back and forth from hospitals while they were ill and each one passed, there was no time to grieve because we were still going back and forth until my mother's death, which was the last, and then our worlds just came crashing down. Reality had set in that they ALL were gone and it was terrifying...
I still cry... its not something that you can put a time limit on. Some have said "they lived a good life, and that we were lucky to have had them so long" but I think it made it that much harder to lose them. They were all such constants in both our lives and our children's lives.
Your husband cannot tell you that you should be over it... unless he has experienced the loss of a parent he couldn't begin to know the sadness and feelings of emptiness. And besides, people grieve differently. Time does make it easier to get through the days and their memories are embedded in your heart forever. When I look at old photos I can still feel my fathers hand in mine and my mothers arms wrapped around me. And I believe to this day that they still are holding me close.
Take as much time as you need and know that your mother loved you. God bless you