Ask Me Help Desk - Confused

Have been dating this girl for about a month now and at the beginning it was going good, she initiating the contact texting me showing interest in me. The last couple of days like a week or so, she seems to showing less interest. I am the one now texting her in the mornings saying good morning, than at lunch time I ask how her day is going, she does reply to my messages and gives me yes and no answers. I try to make conversation by telling her what I'm doing and how my day it's going but she seems to only answer short answers. If don't text her all day I won't hear anything from her all day. It's driving me crazy because I feel I'm the one looking for her all the time and putting the effort into it. I feel like I'm driving her away by looking for her too much or texting a lot. I feel like I'm though. I feel the need to be in contact with her all the time so things can work out. What am I doing wrong here? I want her to also show interest by looking for me or contacting me at least once or try to initiate conversation with me. She doesn't do any of that. The thing also is that if I don't text her she gets mad about it too. Sunday I didn't text her at all, and all the way till night time she send a message saying, "hello hope you're doing good, good night" bye... What kind I do too make her look for me more? Am I being too demanding, needy or clinging or what?

Yes you are being too demanding... her behaviour clearly indicates she might like you as a friend and nothing more.. and that you think there is a relationship where none exists.

My advice... back off... because she isn't welcoming your advances.

You've only known her for a month.. you don't have a relationship yet... and its obvious as well that she might have entertained the idea at first... she has since changed her mind and is trying to gracefully let you back away without having to hurt your feelings... acting like this is more gentile that saying get away from me...

If you can handle being just very casual friends... fine... give her lots of space... but I have a feeling you can't and expect far more... in which case its better you just walk away.

I'm guessing you are very young and maybe still in school... if you are an adult this can take a far more ominous tone where unwelcome advances can legally become stalking in a heartbeat.

Do the two of you actually talk in person or just text? Texting can get annoying.

I'm 34 she's 30 years old. We known each other for more than a year now and this is the third time we go back to each other but this time around its dating. For three months we weren't together and I was always there telling her I wanted to be with her and just being there for her like answering her calls and texts but nothing of what I was expecting. So about a month ago I hit a point where I was done so I decided to completely disappear with no contact whatsoever. At the time I met someone who was really into me wanted to be with me so it was all good. I didn't hear from her for about 2 and half weeks with it was the most we didn't talk at all in more than a year. Word got to her that I was with somebody else so that right after that she started contacting me like crazy trough fb, phone, emails anything that you could think of, trying to get my attention by saying she wanted to talk but I kept ignoring her. The girl I was seeing knew about her trying to get back with me and told me I needed to make a decision as to who I wanted to be with. I told her straight up I still had feelings for her so after that she just went away for good. Finally I responded to her messages and she told me she wanted to work something out. I said OK. First couple of weeks it was all great but now it seems like nothing has changed. We are together right now dating but I just don't like the fact she is acting distant. I feel like I was better off with the other girl that where I'm right now. Don't get me wrong like I said we still dating but the communication its not there. Should I just things slow let her look for me or back off a bit, just relax. I need to be reassure that she loves me and wants to be with me but her acting distant makes me go insane

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

Yes you are being too demanding...her behaviour clearly indicates she might like you as a friend and nothing more..and that you think there is a relationship where none exists.

My advice...back off...because she isn't welcoming your advances.

You've only known her for a month..you don't have a relationship yet....and its obvious as well that she might have entertained the idea at first....she has since changed her mind and is trying to gracefully let you back away without having to hurt your feelings...acting like this is more gentile that saying get away from me.....

If you can handle being just very casual friends.....fine....give her lots of space...but I have a feeling you can't and expect far more...in which case its better you just walk away.

I'm guessing you are very young and maybe still in school.....if you are an adult this can take a far more ominous tone where unwelcome advances can legally become stalking in a heartbeat.

[it's mostly texting but texting has become less like me asking a lot of how is she doing and all but she gives me really short answers leaving me wondering what to say or ask. If I call she won't answer but she's quick to reply like if somehow she's waiting for me to contact firstQUOTE=J_9;3325254]Do the two of you actually talk in person or just text? Texting can get annoying.[/QUOTE]

OK, thanks for the additional information.

In addition to what I said before... I think she really might not be sure what she wants... and the idea that you was with someone else peaked her interest again for a short while then it faded again... some people find somethiing or someone else has as being more desirable... then when they get it... they realise they didn't want it so much.

Since you have been through this not just once but a few times... for your own mental health... get away from her. Past history indicates you will only get more of the same... and past history also tells me the chemistry isn't there... what you feel is lust for her... combined with feeling you put a lot of effort into this and don't want to walk away from it until you get something.

But walk away is what you need to do... I'm 51... I've actually been in several relationships when I was much younger where one day she's be interested... and the next indifferent... and the moment another woman showed interest when they saw all of a sudden they got really interested again... and the cycle would continue.

Do yourself a favor and walk away... this will never end well... and when you are with the right person... there won't be any of these kinds of games. You two are NOT right for each other or meant to be together..

Do you mean to walk away without having a talk with her as to whether we should continue the relationship? And you are right the moment we first saw each after 2 and half weeks was all good, we went out talked than had a good night kiss. The next day it felt wrong like more of the same was coming my way again. Yesterday she didn't text or call at all. Wednesday I had asked her if she wanted to go to eat and the movies with her daughter, she said not this week because she was broke I told her I would pay. She just told me I was a sweetheart. So I don't know if that's a yes or no. If she doesn't contact me today either should I wait till Saturday than if she wants to go or don't call her at all? It's confusing because we together and I have to think whether I should call her. Doesn't feel right.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

OK, thanks for the additional information.

In addition to what I said before....I think she really might not be sure what she wants....and the idea that you was with someone else peaked her interest again for a short while then it faded again...some people find somethiing or someone else has as being more desireable...then when they get it....they realise they didn't want it so much.

Since you have been through this not just once but a few times....for your own mental health.....get away from her. Past history indicates you will only get more of the same....and past history also tells me the chemistry isn't there....what you feel is lust for her...combined with feeling you put a lot of effort into this and don't want to walk away from it until you get something.

But walk away is what you need to do....I'm 51...I've actually been in several relationships when I was much younger where one day she's be interested...and the next indifferent......and the moment another woman showed interest when they saw all of a sudden they got really interested again....and the cycle would continue.

Do yourself a favor and walk away....this will never end well.....and when you are with the right person.....there won't be any of these kinds of games. You two are NOT right for each other or meant to be together..

I have never texted in my life, but I'm 65. It absolutely floors me the amount of banal texting that goes on (or cell phone conversations that I overhear). In the old days you were REALLY glad to see each other when you could, and had a lot to talk about. There is also something about it that is shallow, and I wonder how any two people ever find out what each other is feeling, wanting, hoping for, liking, not liking, dreaming of next week and 10 years from now. 'How are you' and 'What are you doing now' would drive me insane.
Bring her some flowers and go for a walk, and a talk.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gangster1

Do you mean to walk away without having a talk with her as to whether or not we should continue the relationship? And you are right the moment we first saw each after 2 and half weeks was all good, we went out talked than had a good night kiss. The next day it felt wrong like more of the same was coming my way again. Yesterday she didn't text or call at all. Wednesday I had asked her if she wanted to go to eat and the movies with her daughter, she said not this week because she was broke i told her I would pay. She just told me I was a sweetheart. So I don't know if that's a yes or no. If she doesn't contact me today either should I wait till Saturday than if she wants to go or don't call her at all? It's confusing because we together and I have to think whether or not I should call her. Doesn't feel right.

My advice... just walk away... don't answer her texts... if you bump into each other at the store or school or on the street... just be cordial and say hi... you aren't obligated to do any more...

SHe might grow up or she might not... and until she does... she is likely to find herself without a long term relationship. Maybe that's all she really wants... and certainly that's all she deserves behaving like this... but you don't have to have any of your precious time wasted... because life is too short... especially when there are so many other people out there that aren't like that.