Ask Me Help Desk - I'm shifty and it sucks

This is not something I thought I would ever do.but here goes. I'm in a point in my life where I live each day. My life feels so empty and blurred. Sometimes I sink into depression wondering if I have what it takes. I used to have dreams,felt that my future was bright and full,but at 24 years what I have is emptiness. I shut out my friends way back,not that I had many. I feel so alone most of the time,even in a room full of people. I have an above average background,a staunch christian background,a loving and functional family and parents who would do anything for me. For that I'm grateful. Thing is I just feel like a burden to them,at my age I'm not financially independent even though I have a job,(that doesn't pay on time and I got bills). Other than that, I've been single for almost an year now and this year has been pretty hard on me,the breakup that left me devastated and turned me into a weak emotional mess,clearing campus to emptiness,getting a job around here is a job in it self.and then U find one like this. I've never cried in all my years as much as I have this year. I just feel like I've had it and I just need to leave. I'm not suicidal because there is no day I'll find it in me to take my life. But I do feel,that I'd rather not be here. I'm not strong enough to handle life's tough times and I'm sure tough times will always be there. Can't believe I wrote this stuff.

You wrote here, so that's a start.
You have a home and aren't on the streets, so that's something to fall back on.
Now 2 first questions: why do you call yourself 'shifty?' And why did you shut out your friends?

I call myself shifty because sometimes I get strength, I feel appreciative,when I'm around people I try act okay and sometimes I even feel okay. Then when I get home and I'm all by myself I'm full of self pity and somedays I go to bed and hope I don't have to face the next day. It makes me feel so ungrateful to God but I stopped feeling guilty because of that a while back. I shut out my friends because I feel so inadequate,like I don't add any value to their lives so they are better off without me. Besides,I've never really been a people person, I prefer keeping to myself. Then again,as much as they are my pals(I'm talking about two or three people here) I can't tell them how I feel, because it sounds like I'm complaining(which I probably am) I try to stay positive,a while back I opted to try reading and watching motivational stuff,but then that whole thing somehow couldn't stick with me. I feel like I exhude negative energy and if I get close to people they'll notice. Nowadays I even pity the guy I date next,I hope by then this phase(if it's a phase will be over)

OK I'm glad we cleared that up, because to me shifty always meant someone who couldn't be trusted, a 'shifty character,' a criminal type, I think because their eyes shift around and won't look at you. You mean your moods shift, right?
Anyway I have been through what you are going through and even suffer from it somewhat now in my old age.
Let's list what has happened:
A devastating break up
Not being able to earn enough to live out on your own at 24
Shutting out friends, feeling that you drag them down
All 3 of those are common by themselves but when combined, they just multiply the depression. What if you could work on each one, one at a time at first, and then 2 or 3 at a time?
First I would connect with just 2 or 3 good friends. You don't have to unload a lot of vaguely depressing stuff. Just say 'take me with you places, even though I am not over my relationship, and prop me in a corner, and don't try to cheer me up or act artificial.' Getting out a couple of times a week will start to help.
Later, sit down with a notebook and track all your income and expenses. See if there are ways you can save X dollars per paycheck, which you should be able to do when you are living at home. Then slowly start asking around for people who might want to get an apartment together to save on expenses. When I was young, I did that for the first 15 years away from home. It was a meager existence, but it can be done.
Life doesn't really have any meaning other than what you make of it, if you are feeling let down by not having a reason for living. Maybe you will never know your value as a human being, even if you help a turtle cross a highway or comfort a child who grows up to save the world.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

OK I'm glad we cleared that up, because to me shifty always meant someone who couldn't be trusted, a 'shifty character,' a criminal type, I think because their eyes shift around and won't look at you. You mean your moods shift, right?
Anyway I have been through what you are going through and even suffer from it somewhat now in my old age.
Let's list what has happened:
A devastating break up
Not being able to earn enough to live out on your own at 24
Shutting out friends, feeling that you drag them down
All 3 of those are common by themselves but when combined, they just multiply the depression. What if you could work on each one, one at a time at first, and then 2 or 3 at a time?
First I would connect with just 2 or 3 good friends. You don't have to unload a lot of vaguely depressing stuff. Just say 'take me with you places, even though I am not over my relationship, and prop me in a corner, and don't try to cheer me up or act artificial.' Getting out a couple of times a week will start to help.
Later, sit down with a notebook and track all your income and expenses. See if there are ways you can save X dollars per paycheck, which you should be able to do when you are living at home. Then slowly start asking around for people who might want to get an apartment together to save on expenses. When I was young, I did that for the first 15 years away from home. It was a meager existence, but it can be done.
Life doesn't really have any meaning other than what you make of it, if you are feeling let down by not having a reason for living. Maybe you will never know your value as a human being, even if you help a turtle cross a highway or comfort a child who grows up to save the world.

Thanks a lot for that Joypulv. Yes,guess I gave the word shifty a different meaning. Anyway,I will try seek out one friend,she is the only I might feel comfortable unloading to. Since earlier during school days we used to be pretty close. About the financial 'crisis', I don't live at home,had to move out when I got this job because it was in a different town,so I live by myself but 95% relying on my parents to sustain me... I hope its temporary,but I'm impatient and feel life didn't turn out as I expected,and each day I have to struggle to keep hoping. I feel miserable and almost feel like people at work or even on the streets can read it on me. My coping skills are low, I'm hardly able to deal with minor setbacks. Regarding relationships,I got over that guy,but the whole thing changed me.

Grief does change us, and in the best scenario we incorporate our grief into who we are now. One way to look at it is to see yourself as more compassionate and understanding of others who are grieving, sad, lonely, disaffected.
Living alone while depressed isn't such a good idea... how about getting a roommate? If you have to advertise, make sure you have a friend help you interview (unless you have a friend who can move in). Make a list of questions! What times do you sleep, will you let me in the bathroom to pee if you are in the shower, how clean and neat are you, do you have a boyfriend (make rules about how often a guest can spend the night), and so on.
Also, since your parents don't mind supporting you, how about grad school? Is there a field you can get serious about? Or a profession that doesn't require academia, but teaches a skill you might like?

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

Grief does change us, and in the best scenario we incorporate our grief into who we are now. One way to look at it is to see yourself as more compassionate and understanding of others who are grieving, sad, lonely, disaffected.
Living alone while depressed isn't such a good idea... how about getting a roommate? If you have to advertise, make sure you have a friend help you interview (unless you have a friend who can move in). Make a list of questions! What times do you sleep, will you let me in the bathroom to pee if you are in the shower, how clean and neat are you, do you have a boyfriend (make rules about how often a guest can spend the night), and so on.
Also, since your parents don't mind supporting you, how about grad school? Is there a field you can get serious about? Or a profession that doesn't require academia, but teaches a skill you might like?

Thank you once more for your concern and advice. In the part of the world I come from,advertising for a roommate is unheard of. My pals,those that I could live with,either have their own place or live at home. My parents are okay supporting for now because this job is unreliable,the company has financial issues. I already went to grad school,cleared this year. There are plenty of skills I would love to learn but,require money I don't have.and I wouldn't want to ask my parents. They have done more than enough already. Once more thanks for listening. It feels nice letting out without fear of being looked at differently.

If you want to tell us about your closest friend or friends, feel free. How close they are to your apartment, how often you see them, when you are able to see them, what you might do together. What you could do to lessen that sinking feeling when you walk in the door after work, by being around other people more.
Also - as a young woman, do you feel that you are less of a person without a man in your life, or does family have expectations about that, and about marriage and children? I remember in my 20s feeling like I was in a sort of limbo about the vast gulf between what I was doing and what was expected of me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

If you want to tell us about your closest friend or friends, feel free. How close they are to your apartment, how often you see them, when you are able to see them, what you might do together. What you could do to lessen that sinking feeling when you walk in the door after work, by being around other people more.
Also - as a young woman, do you feel that you are less of a person without a man in your life, or does family have expectations about that, and about marriage and children? I remember in my 20s feeling like I was in a sort of limbo about the vast gulf between what I was doing and what was expected of me.

Hey,hope you are fine.I don't see my friends that often, we are in a different neighbourhood. I've had quite a busy schedule this past month,and before that we were miles apart. Yea,what You felt,being in limbo,that's exactly what I feel. I don't feel less of a person,but I do feel like it makes me feel left out. Of course there is the expections from family and friends and from myself,to settle down. And I feel there is a long way to go to get there