Ask Me Help Desk - Am I somehow being "disrespectful"?

So my girlfriend and I was talking (about something which is totally unrelated to the thing I'm about to say), apparently I said something which she got mad at. So I told her to calm down by saying "please calm down, it's not like I went to your house and punched your dad in the face or something, you are overreacting"

After this she BLEW up on me saying things like, "how dare you use my dad as an example like this, you are disrespecting me and my family... you should never use parents in any example in any situation... weren't you taught any manners?"

She got super pissed off yelled and everything. I tried to explain by saying I didn't mean to disrespect her dad, I just came up with the most crazy and exaggerated exampled I could think of in that situation... it's not like I actually want to punch her dad in the face. I have NOTHING against him.

Of course she didn't listen and kept yelling and saying how deep down I wanted to do it because that's how I came up with that example. She even used the word "motherf***" as a way to describe my example and how it's like in the same category.

Am I being disrespectful somehow? I don't think I even insulted her dad in my over the top example, or is this just her super overreacting?

You say what you were talking about isn't related to your question here but it could be. Making the comparison to punching her father could matter more if we knew what you were discussing and what you originally said to her that upset her.

Having said that... from what you say, I can kind of see what she's saying. Really, it was somewhat disrespectful to bring her father into it in that way. Maybe she's over reacting, maybe not... depends on what all was originally said. Bottom line though, it was somewhat disrespectful.

She's looking for a fight and looking for a reason to pick one. She's being childish. Let it blow over. If this kind of drama-generating stuff continues with her I'd break off the relationship.

It's not uncommon when someone gets in trouble with someone and feels excessively corrected, like say a kid didn't clean their room when they were told to, and the mom totally over-reacts, and the kid says, "hey, it's not like I killed someone - I just didn't put my laundry in the hamper, so shoot me". Obviously they don't mean they would consider killing someone or that they think being shot would be appropriate - it's just colorful, exaggerated speech. Your girlfriend knew this and like I said, was looking to pick a fight.

If she's the drama-generating type, you can expect more of the same.

Quote:

Originally Posted by odinn7

You say what you were talking about isn't related to your question here but it could be. Making the comparison to punching her father could matter more if we knew what you were discussing and what you originally said to her that upset her.

Having said that....from what you say, I can kind of see what she's saying. Really, it was somewhat disrespectful to bring her father into it in that way. Maybe she's over reacting, maybe not....depends on what all was originally said. Bottom line though, it was somewhat disrespectful.

What she got mad at me initially was how I re-asked her what her plans was for the weekend, I just wanted to make sure so I asked again but that apparently made her mad

Quote:

Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

She's looking for a fight and looking for a reason to pick one. She's being childish. Let it blow over. If this kind of drama-generating stuff continues with her I'd break off the relationship.

It's not uncommon when someone gets in trouble with someone and feels excessively corrected, like say a kid didn't clean their room when they were told to, and the mom totally over-reacts, and the kid says, "hey, it's not like I killed someone - I just didn't put my laundry in the hamper, so shoot me". Obviously they don't mean they would consider killing someone or that they think being shot would be appropriate - it's just colorful, exaggerated speach. Your girlfriend knew this and like I said, was looking to pick a fight.

If she's the drama-generating type, you can expect more of the same.

She even acknowledged that she understands what I'm trying to do with that exaggerated example but still I should never use parents in anything, she lectured me on how it's like a TABOO subject that no one should ever touch, someone's parents.

'Disrespectful' is a relative term. It was disrespectful to her and she seems to have tried to explain why. What she grew up being taught is respectful and disrespectful might be very different from what you were taught. Traditions and culture can cause some concepts to be viewed in an extremely negative way. It may also be that you inadvertently touched on a 'hot button' subject for her.

Did she over-react? Like odinn said, I don't know. It may be the previous subject which upset her caused her to react a bit stronger than she might have at another time. However, telling someone they are over-reacting is a good way to cause them to blow up even more.

When you are both calmer, discuss what was said and listen to why it upset her without trying to defend what you said. Once you have a better idea of why it upset her so much you can decide whether to explain you didn't understand and this has been a lesson in learning how to communicate with each other.

For future reference, when it seems like tempers are rising, admit it and back off to allow you both to calm down. A simple, 'Let's take a break and calm down' should suffice. Do not add examples especially ones that use family members, pets or friends in them.

Now you know she feels strongly about her parent, don't talk about them again. Doesn't matter if she over reacted or you were being disrespectful or not. Just learn the lesson.

Now at least you know she is capable of some strong reactions.

I'd avoid bringing up her parents again but this sounds ridiculous to me - still sounds like a drama queen. It would be one thing if you were insulting her parents, or threatening them. You were giving an example of something you think would be outrageously inappropriate.

Don't let her make you feel guilty though, or be intimidated by her "passion". YOU know that you mean't no disrepect. She could have given you that benefit of a doubt.

Bad analogy regardless. How did you get from "what are your plans for the weekend" to "it's not like I went to your house and punched your dad in the face" ?