If I were to respond to this missive, I would tell myself to "suck it up", you made the vow!
My Lady and I have been married for 47.5 years. We met when we were 17 and eloped when we were 18. Our first (only living child) burst into our lives when we were 22.
I have always enjoyed being married. I have never regretted being married. I do not want to change being married. One of the most comforting thoughts I have is to return home from where ever I've been. To me, home is wherever my Lady is. Nothing has or will ever change that to me.
To the problem; my Lady's health has prevented any kind of sexual intimacy for just under two years. Intercourse is painfull for her, so is stimulation.
To make matters worse, my doctor has started me on testosorne shots. So now that I can once again, "Leap tall buildings in a single bound, faster then a speeding bullet and stop a speeding train with just one hand." I'm going nuts trying to get her out of her clothes. I KNOW IT WILL CAUSE PAIN SO I JUST WANT THE PLAYGROUNDS OPEN, trust me?
It is impossible to describe just how much I miss the feel of a woman's skin against mine, her scents, her touch, her taste.
I am not trying to be a pig or a louse, but I need to find some satisfaction or I'll go fruit loops. To make my situation even worse, I truly love my Lady and I don't want to cause any pain or misery for her.
I also know that what I want to do is moraly wrong and will most certainly cheapen the woman that might agree to my grovelling, which adds to my guilt/shame (I'm Irish) so I understand how the love of a woman builds you up.
I believe that for a woman to be willing to share herself, that is a statement of caring. Now becaue of my lust I am appearently willing to toss our history into the trash can to be with a woman again.
How can I get so out of whack? This is just not me! I champion marriage vows and keeping them. I'd try slicing my forearms from wrist to elbow but then I would only destroy everything, plus my Lady would proabaly reach into my soul and drag me back so that I could clean up the mess I left behind.
This is driving me batty, Either way I go, I hurt her beyond words, yet I flirt terriebly now. Fortunatley, I am 65, pudgy so the odds of a woman taking me in are proabaly slim to none.
Thanks for letting me rant on.
You know, I have never been single. I've only known one woman my entire life. My Lady, knew about this odd word, "No" while we were dating and to be honest althoug I seriously tried to get my first woman (teen), nothing happened until we married. To be honest, this Lady was worth the wait. When I had to travel for work, I brought her with me and I always home. I'm acting like a school who's just gotten his first real kiss and now doesn't know what to do next. However, I do know how I should behave, I just don't want to behave correctley. I want to be with a woman and toenjoy tender/gentle love making.
Oh well let's hear it for frustration.
Someone here solve all my problems, without any consequences, please.