My boyfriend and I met online over 2.5 years ago. When we finally met he misrepresented himself over the phone a lot. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally. He was looking for an honest relationship. However we still haven't had sex. I've tried sexy cutesy dress up roleplay. And point blank asking what is going on with him. He said when he's ready it will happen.well 2.5 yrs waiting to see has wasted my time and feelings. He puts on a show in front of his friends like he's mr lover, but in fact he's opposite in private. No sex no hard ons no nothing. He works he comes home. He uses to be addicted to porn before we met. He masterbated several times a day, we had some fun over the phone before we met. I am 5"4 130 blonde, green eyes. I admitted to him I enjoy a lot of sex with my relationship. But he hasn't tried much. He came close a few times. And when I ask what's the deal he said it's not you its himself. What the heck does that mean. Why have a girlfriend if your not going to be romantic or sexual. I need advice I'm bored and losing some of my feelings for him becaause of his lack of sexual interest and attention.

If someone doesn't meet your expectations and you have tried to communicate your feelings and work it all out, and failed, then you find someone else.
We can't speak to what is going on with him. There seem to be a fair number of men who prefer online porn to actual sex with their partner. The reasons for that are just too many to get into and he isn't here to talk about it.
In the extreme, some men who were abused sexually as boys can't form normal heterosexual relationships even if they want to. Some men who have been to war and had sex with prostitutes, or been in prison and had sex with men, have a tough time adjusting back to a sex life with a wife or girlfriend. Maybe the easy availability of online porn leads to a similar inability to leave the fantasy life behind or to incorporate it into everyday life.
You could make one last try to talk in a non-confrontational way, just as a bewildered partner who feels unloved and undesirable. But it's also probably time to leave.

Maybe you should try to sit down and talk to him and maybe he will tell you. Maybe he feels that he took advantage of porn and probably other stuff and wants to be "sexual free" for a little while until he feels comfortable.. idk but I would say go try to talk to him and see what's up and then if not, then its up to you

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Well I have talked to him, he gets agitated and starts rubbing his face. He says something inside himself will tell him when? So how can he go from sweet and sexual on the phone and when we were online or txtng. To this OTHER person? I'm attractive funny good personality, get on well with just about all I meet. He says he loves me holds my hand, cuddles me close touches my leg or rump when I walk by the couch if he's watching a game or show. I told him once I wanted to give him a bj and he looked relaxed and was working then after a few minutes of that it started umm drooping. He looked upset so I thought hell I know he was enjoying it. What the hell happened? He said his back started hurting.. huh? He was laying on couch. I don't know what else to think unless he has ED or something and he doesn't realize it either. But when I said we can go to docs he said no. :(...

It is actually possible he has ED. It isn't common with a guy that young but it does happen. He might be too embarrassed for anyone at all to know, even you his girlfriend. So he makes any excuse he can come up with. And with the one bj you tried, he lost his erection. That's why I think it's possible it's ED.

Of course it may not be ED, it could be anything. Maybe a traumatic thing happened when he was younger. Or he has performance anxiety, or some kind of mental block. But I wouldn't rule out ED just because he's young.

Anyway my advice is try talking to him more, in a very caring and understanding way. I think he probably knows exactly what the issue is and is just too embarrassed to talk about it. Maybe he will never tell you because he's not ready to tell anyone. Or he is just too shy at this point in his life. But I don't see how things could work out between you unless he opens up to you about it. If he can talk about it with you then you might be able to work on it together. If he's willing to work on it then things have a chance of getting better.

Also, my friend dated someone when she was a teenager that had ED. He was upfront about it from the start. He told her that the doctor actually told him that the more you masturbate the more it can help your penis from losing it's erection. So he masturbated everyday. (Btw they would still fool around all the time, he would just lose erection from time to time).

You said your b/f use to watch porn several times a day. So maybe your b/f actually masturbated so much because a doctor recommended it. I know that's just a guess, but I'm just throwing it out there!

I agree about low T. There's also enlarged prostate.
He could be gay.
He could be unable to see you as a sexual partner rather than a mother figure.
He could have religious hangups.
We don't know because he's not the one asking, and you know so little about him. You don't even say if he masturbated when he watched porn.

If he masterbates and has no trouble, then there is an issue, Time to write off a wasted two years and move on, tell him so and why.

I have a few questions:

1. How old is he?
2. How is his health? You mention that he misrepresented himself before you met him. Was he being less than truthful about his looks, expectations, and/or his health? Is he on any medications or drugs including alcohol or other recreational drugs?
3. How long ago did you meet him in person? Are you currently living together?
4. Could he have been misrepresenting his 'addiction'? Was he really masturbating that much? Was he reallying enjoying the phone sex as much as you thought he was?
5. Is he still looking at porn and/or masturbating?

If he was 'addicted' to porn and masturbation and he overcame it, he may have a mental block about getting aroused now. Going from one extreme to another.

There are a lot of reasons for his behavior including being a virgin, needing a marriage certificate, health issues, mental block, depression, medications, etc.

You have told him what you want and he seems to have told you what he needs. You can either talk with him about the expectations you each have and try to compromise (Compromise might include him getting a check-up. If his problem is ED, it could be a symptom of other health concerns.) or you can decide your needs are too far apart to find common ground and walk away. How much more energy are you willing to put into this relationship?

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

I have a few questions:
He is 36 he was drinking alot of alcohol at the time has extra weight. he told me he tried taking extenze? male enhancement, before Me. his health could be high cholesterol no HBP. he did not have many girlfriends, he used porn for his pleasure and masterbated with it. he told me he would watch first 10 minutes of the action part then turned it off. as for looks he is cute to me. i fell in love with his kindness and heart and the way he treated me. he was up front about porn addiction he even had therapy for it. i knew about that before we got together. he does not watch it now. he asked if i minded if he watched it 1 time i said no i dont mind, well much. i think he was testing if i was a control freak. why say no you can't when 1 can clearly go to web :\ i did notice with him that he tries things with me but doesn't proceed. like he's testing the water lol. we met early 2010then I flew out to meet him AND his Family sept 2010. his family loves me and I them. I am 40 i take care of myself physically and my appearance. Is he afraid of something? his answer is always the same..it will happen when it happens, we are engaged. I don't know what to try or not try, i want him to know im interested in him his hobbies his life his friends. but i'm also interested in a active sex life with him. the relationships he did have ended badly is he compairing past with current? I do not want to be a mother for him. i have 3 grown and moved on with their own lives. they say dump him mom he's wasting your time. I've been married before obviously but he has not. he's had family issues with his parents growing up but heck what child hasn't? I've shown him consistancy throughout our relationship. sometimes he mentions money issues well we both work he has previous bills he deals with, i have no debts. we pool our money for bills food whatever. can stress really truly cause sexual problems. well speaking for myself i think sex helps with stress and the release of tension. maybe i'm from another planet.

1. How old is he?
2. How is his health? You mention that he misrepresented himself before you met him. Was he being less than truthful about his looks, expectations, and/or his health? Is he on any medications or drugs including alcohol or other recreational drugs?
3. How long ago did you meet him in person? Are you currently living together?
4. Could he have been misrepresenting his 'addiction'? Was he really masturbating that much? Was he reallying enjoying the phone sex as much as you thought he was?
5. Is he still looking at porn and/or masturbat
e was 'addicted' to porn and masturbation and he overcame it, he may have a mental block about getting aroused now. Going from one extreme to another.

There are a lot of reasons for his behavior including being a virgin, needing a marriage certificate, health issues, mental block, depression, medications, etc.

You have told him what you want and he seems to have told you what he needs. You can either talk with him about the expectations you each have and try to compromise (Compromise might include him getting a check-up. If his problem is ED, it could be a symptom of other health con you cerns.) or you can decide your needs are too far apart to find common ground and walk away. How much more energy are you willing to put into this relationship?

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