My son is getting married in another state. I am paying for the rehearsal dinner. I have four other children ranging in age from 25-13. Only the 25 year old will be in the wedding party.
I have asked what the plans are for the rehearsal dinner, and my son's fiancé has only told me that she and her mom are still deciding. I would like my other children, who are mostly grown people, to come to the dinner since otherwise they will be sitting in the hotel room.Also, I feel that I should be have some say in the planning in this since I am paying for it. I feel that the whole affair is more of a production than the joining of two souls and families.

My daughter is getting married in June. Her fiancee's mother and sister are paying for the rehearsal dinner. (which may I add, that's all their paying for, but inviting who ever they want to the wedding, including her ex-husband, their minister and his wife, I think you get the picture). His sister text messaged my daughter and said don't forget it's only the immediate family and bridal party for the rehearsal dinner. Mind you my daughter was told they need to make all the plans. I have 2 aunts who are very close to me, especially since my mom passed away. We are including them in the rehearsal dinner. I was also told that if people are coming from out of town the night before the wedding you are to invite them. I feel if you are paying for it, you should be able to add your other children (which they are immediate family anyway) and whoever you feel you need to. Hope this helps!

The groom's pays for the rehearsal dinner, in some cases his parent(s) pays for it. That means HIS family is in charge of the arrangements. This is not a bridal decision. The bride and her family have enough of their own to take care of in the wedding. This is where the groom has his say. If you want your other children there, then they should be there. As you say, you are paying for this.

I was just recently married (July). My husband's parents paid for the rehearsal dinner and planned the entire event. They asked us which locations we would like to have it in, showed us the menus but then they ultimately made all the decisions on that night. I have to say that I found it a welcome relief that I did not have to think about it, worry about it, and I could just enjoy myself the night before the wedding.

In my opinion I believe that if you are paying for the wedding, you should have say in the planning of the event. It is only fair.

Now as for the other siblilings. Rules state (I know this because my sister just got married in November and her husband's family are all from out of town. My sister learned that if a guest is from out of town and they are coming the day before the wedding, they should be invited to the rehearsal dinner. In addition... they are siblings... in the wedding party or not, they should be there.

Let me see just invite them, if you want, if I was paying for something I would be the one to decide who does what.

Weddings are a time for family, and I think the worry and being upset over who and what are the silliest things I have ever seen.

And doing a lot of weddings I see the silly things