what's going on in girlfriends mind?
Hello all, I am new to this board. I am in a 6 month relationship with an exciting smart and "good woman" (you men will know what I mean by that). This happens to be a long distance relationship by the way. We see each other for about 4 days, about twice a month. We are sexually compatible at least 95%, and mentally compatible about 87%. Not a perfect match obviously, however these stats are also obviously high. We share the same values, and agree on the way men and women should interact and behave toward one another. We are both open minded and agree to learn each other, and that is what gives the long run the 100% to look forward to. That may sound impossible but I'm sure some of you know what I mean. Its just not always love at first sight, we are a real man and woman couple and both have that understanding and know that we are not looking for lust, The sex is great may I mention though and she gives me whatever I could reasonably ask, as I do the same for her every time.
I have been hurt in the past, and have been lied to by women and have a hard time trusting them in a relationship, and I am verbaly open about that opinion. THIS new woman makes the difference for me completely though, as I truly trust her. It wasn't some fake bs, "I trust you" either. With this woman I felt like I trusted her the very first time that I heard her voice, almost like we were meant to meet. When we first spoke it felt like "welcome home", and it is also one reason that her and I have embarked on this journey together. There is no bs here, or premature "I love you"s in the picture either. We haven't said it to each other yet, and it isn't time to either because we must grow together realisticly and must really know each other in the long run before we get to that part.
She gives me gifts, and I give her gifts, and we have been fair in many man/woman aspects.
HERE ARE THE ISSUES THAT I WOULD BE GRATEFUL FOR YOU ALL TO HELP ME WITH. By the way I have never sought this type of advice on the internet in this way, I'm new to it.
Okay, so I finally went to visit her last month, she had been coming to see me for all the previous months, and honestly this trip was just as great as the times she came out here. We usually have sex everyday at least once, even on her period. After the third day of being there, I suddenly sensed that she was starting to give me the cold shoulder, and her showing affection was almost absent. I mean we still gave each other a tap kiss once or twice those last couple days. But I was still affectionate to her, well not at first, I felt like damn is she cheating, hmm, okay maybe I got on her nerves, hmm okay maybe she isn't into me anymore, hahah you know the usual insecure type thoughts that everyone keeps to themselves even if they are in general a secure person which I am, as I still trust her and respect her to this day, but you know how those thoughts fight you like the devil or some s**t, hehe. Anyway I had already been a bit bothered that far into the trip because I wasn't getting any oral sex from her, and she is into doing it, I have heard that when I woman stops this it is because she is in doubt of you or doesn't trust you for some reason. I have nothing to hide from her though, so anyway we didn't have any more sex for 3 more days, until we got back to my house, she came back with me to stay with me for a few days. We did have sex the first night, because I initiated it. But no oral sex for me. And I give her oral sex almost every time I have sex with her. I started feeling that it was unfair and it was really pissing me off, I felt like my head was going to melt off. Let me mention that she is the type of female that doesn't really initiate sex, maybe sometimes by kissing me, but doesn't really do more than that. She made that clear to me from the beginning so its nothing new at all, she likes an aggressive man, who wears the pants in the relationship, and she doesn't really initiate sex either, and she told me that when we started talking. So I am an in between kind of guy in that area, I can actually be both types of man depending on the woman. So I thought of this and I said f**k it I'll just guide her to do it. So to make it fair I turned her over and did 69 the next evening, so that at least I would pleasure her as well, I felt that's fair and maybe I haven't been aggressive enough with her and she's waiting for me to do that. I was more in the beginning of the relationship but sometimes it fades off and on (you guys know how that is when you like the girl even more you let your guards down and get a little soft, then have to smack yourself back together and you remember that you are supposed to be a MAN and show her that). So she did it well. Now we are about 3 weeks later... I am supposed to see her in a few days, she's coming to see me. I have some issues now about her, although we have talked about the issues every time we have one, and we have reached conclusion and peace with all of them. I have never mentioned the oral sex issue to her though, maybe I should. I don't want to be annoyed about it when she is here. Anyway I have had doubts in my mind recently, like she may be cheating on me, and if not maybe at least talking to another man. I don't know why, and I have nothing I can use to justify her doing it or me thinking it which is even worse. I trust her and it just popped into my head. I have been thinking positive thoughts and it is not in her character to cheat either. But what the hell, why can't I get this out of my head? I think what put some issues in my head was that time I had when I visited her with no sex for the last few days, and her not giving me oral sex until I was agressing and basically put it in her mouth (by the way I gave her the same in return). She has gotten better with talking to me in a "sweet" way, affection over the phone sort of. But she used to always call me my pet name, and now she hasn't for weeks. If she didn't feel right or didn't want to visit me she wouldn't, so I don't think she has lost interest, because she wouldn't come out here. So my question is WHAT CAN I DO TO SEE IF THERE IS SOMETHING UP WITHOUT DIRECTLY ASKING? I have asked her if everything is OK 100%? She said everything was all right. So why do I still feel that she is holding somehting in? Is she lying to me? Is she cheating? What's up? Also how can I get her to give me more oral sex without directing her to do it? I mean she will do it if I express that I desire it, But most men will agree, that we want to get head when we didn't ask, like a way for her to show she just had to suck my... you know what I'm saying, mannn I don't ask her if she wants me to go down on her, I just do it to please her, why the hell isn't she doing the same? Also, I paid for her plane ticket to come see me this time, and as a result I have gotten low on money. I asked her today if she could lend me $20, and she said maybe. I said all right, but inside I was very angry the she said "maybe", on top of that she went into asking me all about why I didn't have much money, and why I bought something recently at a health food store, although that was only $11. But inside, I'm like what the hell, I just paid several hundred dollars to get her here, and this trip was her idea, she said she wanted to visit and she asked if I could pay for the ticket. So why would she have a problem lending me $20 dollars? I am angry as hell inside tonight, but I know she will probably give me the money. But why must she say "maybe" when she will have the money and I just put out several hundred dollars. On top of that she just seems to give me a certain coldness, its not as bad as before although it is still slightly still there from the last time I saw her. She is a scorpio so who knows, Just now I was thinking that maybe she asked me to pay for her to come out here so she could break up with me? And no have to pay for the trip in doing so? Maybe she just wants a good screw before she ends it? WHO THE HELL KNOWS? I am tired of typing but would love some thoughts on this. She is a great woman, I honestly trust her, but what's up with my baby? Maybe a woman can help with this one. Am I not being domanant enough for her? O and also I bought her a present a week ago, she got it and thanked me for it, but hasn't said much else about it, what the hell? She usually talks about my gifts for a week or two, she didn't talk about this one more than 5 minutes? Please some advice?!
