Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend keeps watching porn

My partner and I have been together for 3 years and a bit now.
About 2 years ago I broke up with him for watching porn, he swore he'd never do it again as he knew how uncomfortable and insecure it made me feel. After a long hard talk, him telling me he wouldn't do it again and me getting my trust back for him we got back together. Since then, he keeps lying to me over and over about it and I don't know what to do anymore. We've been in a relationship for so long, I love him to pieces but I don't deserve this. When I was asleep last night it turns out he was watching it right next to me while I was sleeping, to me that's even more wrong. I've known for a while now that his been doing it again but I never wanted to know I guess. I've tried everything under the sun but no matter what it's like my opinion or him losing me doesn't matter. I feel extremely strong about this and it really hurts to know that his watching other women when he could have his partner... In real life!
Pleaee help, thanks guys x

98% of men masterbate in ages 18-40.
So unless you want to have sex every time he gets the urge to watch porn don't complain because its nature and its his sex drive.
IT IN NO WAY MEANS HE HAS A DESIRE TO CHEAT ON YOU

If you really want him to quit, then you better help him meet his desires. There maybe something going on the relationship that's making him stressed hence he turns to porn, or just bored of his current sexual plays with you, in that case, try to spice it up

I completely disagree with the last post. He is not watching porn because YOU are doing something wrong. Also, watching porn is not wrong. I am willing to bet that at some point you have watched it yourself, and perhaps even became excited over what you saw, which is why it is making you jealous. You have to remember that when guys watch porn, they are not really watching other "women". It is more the act that they are watching, and it's simply a masturbation aid, because most guys are not very imaginative. It is simply an image that is completely forgotten after it's over. Men do not fantasize emotionally about porn stars, nor do they glamorize them. (I am speaking for normal, successful, happy men - that is whom you should be dating)

I know for a fact that my partner is VERY into me... he is constantly all over me and is trying to have sex with me every chance he gets. I also know he watches porn when we are not together or when I simply don't want to. I don't know how old you are, but in my 30s it's a blessing and something to keep him occupied. Lol

I think once you work on your confidence a little, you will see yourself as first, and porn as something distant and secondary, and it won't bother you so much anymore. Don't try to compete with porn stars, that's just silly.

However, I do agree that it was entirely disrespectful for him to watch it while you were next to him asleep. You have made it clear that it upsets you, and as long as it does, he should be mindful of those feelings. Chances are he is not doing it to upset you, but more that he doesn't see it as a big deal. He should, however, do his best to at least keep this issue away from you, regardless of that.

-Alex

Besides you not liking him watching it, what is the issue, does he masterbate and not fulfill your sexual needs ? I agree 98 percent of men masterbate and if it is not watching porn and doing it open with you, he is hiding in the bathroom looking at a photo on his smart phone.

Sorry but this sounds more like a prudish issue that you have that says it is wrong.
You can join him, you can watch it with him, ( what a large group of couples do)

But to try and make him stop it is not going to work, he will lie to make you happy, since most likely you did not discuss this with him, but ordered him to stop.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Besides you not liking him watching it, what is the issue, does he masterbate and not fulfill your sexual needs ? I agree 98 percent of men masterbate and if it is not watching porn and doing it open with you, he is hiding in the bathroom looking at a photo on his smart phone.

Sorry but this sounds more like a prudish issue that you have that says it is wrong.
You can join him, you can watch it with him, ( what a large group of couples do)

But to try and make him stop it is not going to work, he will lie to make you happy, since most likely you did not discuss this with him, but ordered him to stop.

I think you are 100% correct in your response, but your response is 100% a male perspective. Just because porn is so readily available for everyone to watch, doesn't mean that every girlfriend and wife is ready or willing to accept with an open heart that this is what her man wants to do. Everyone has different comfort levels with pornography and sex in general. If she is not comfortable with it, he should try and be sensitive to that. Clearly she is not ready to watch it with him, so there is no point in saying that. I agree that asking a man with a healthy sex drive to stop looking at women/porn/nudity is pointless, but how he goes about it while maintaining respect for his partner is what counts.

Female perspective here. I have never understood someone ordering a loved one to stop doing something that is not harmful. Discussing it and coming to a mutual agreement would be the adult thing to do. To force someone to do what you want is not the basis for a good relationship.
Some men watch porn that is a fact. Some woman do too and even couples watch it together. If you don't like it then you need to figure out what you want to do about it. Not what he needs to do. You have control over your emotions and feelings.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ;Gamed

98% of men masterbate in ages 18-40.

I am 58, and I was suppose to stop back when I was 40??

No way.

Married 37 years, both of us enjoy sex together and alone, thou I only do the porn.

Women are all about feelings, hugs kisses, cuddling.

Men are visually stimulated.

Either get over that your boyfriend uses porn, or move onto someone that has your values.

But although it may not be directly harmful, it IS harming their relationship. She is uncomfortable with the fact that he gets excited from looking at other women, and it affects how she sees him and how she sees herself.

My ex used to go to strip clubs a lot with his buddies for all kinds of parties. It bothered me, and I felt that it was disrespectful to our relationship. All I am saying is that she should not be expected to accept whatever he does, just because it is mainstream, and if he loves her, he will make some changes to make her feel comfortable - like encouraging her to feel more confident or keeping it away from her altogether.