The affair started last year and I am just learning about it 3 months ago from an email that was on his phone. Not sure if I can forgive him or not. We have been married for 13 years and been together for 17 years. We have 2 children one 18, and one 12. Not sure what to do. I do love him very much and want my marriage to work, Just don't know how to fix this. Help please.

I strongly advise you to seek out a counselor or even a minister/pastor/priest (they will help even if you don't go to their church) and meet with someone for several sessions in order to talk about this with an unbiased person. That person won't tell you what to do, but as you talk, you will untangle this and express your feelings and make your own decisions.

I have tried to talk to many people about this and all I get from them is to pray r to leave him... I have put too much into this marriage to just walk away from it. Like I said I do love him. I am very lost on What to do r how to fix it. I have tried to talk to him about it and all I get is I understand I done wrong and We will work on it. I'm just not understanding how We can work on it if We don't talk about What happened and What went wrong with our marriage. And r if it was something to with me..

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Originally Posted by crystel

I have tried to talk to many people about this and all I get from them is to pray r to leave him ...I have put to much into this marriage to just walk away from it. Like I said I do love him. I am very lost on What to do r how to fix it. I have tried to talk to him about it and all I get is I understand I done wrong and We will work on it. I'm just not understanding how We can work on it if We don't talk about What happened and What went wrong with our marriage. And r if it was something to with me..

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Ask him to go to some counseling sessions with you to work through this. Talking to friends gets you nowhere.

Hi crystel ~ I'm so sorry for what you are going through in your marriage. Being married myself with a child, I can't imagine how devastating it must be to find out what you shared. I agree with Wondergirl about talking to a counselor. There's a free counseling helpline at 1-855-771-4357 from the place that I work for, Focus on the Family. I know their counselors have helped many people dealing with similar issues in their marriage. They can also refer you to a marriage counselor in your area. There are some articles on their website titled "Restoration: Four Hurdles You Must Face" and "Building Trust" under their Marriage section that you might want to check out. I hope you'll keep reaching out for help and support. Just know I'll be praying for you, asking God to surround you with His daily compassion and comfort while guiding you towards the answers you are seeking for your marriage. Hugs!

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Originally Posted by momluvslgg

Hi crystel ~ I'm so sorry for what you are going through in your marriage. Being married myself with a child, i can't imagine how devastating it must be to find out what you shared. I agree with Wondergirl about talking to a counselor. There's a free counseling helpline at 1-855-771-4357 from the place that I work for, Focus on the Family. I know their counselors have helped many people dealing with similar issues in their marriage. They can also refer you to a marriage counselor in your area. There are some articles on their website titled "Restoration: Four Hurdles You Must Face" and "Building Trust" under their Marriage section that you might want to check out. I hope you'll keep reaching out for help and support. Just know I'll be praying for you, asking God to surround you with His daily compassion and comfort while guiding you the answers you are seeking for your marriage. Hugs!

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Thanks very much for all the help. Hugs

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Ask him to go to some counseling sessions with you to work through this. Talking to friends gets you nowhere.

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It can be done. My husband of 29 years now had on and off affairs with the same woman for 24 years. I found out 3 years ago. For the 7 years before I found out it was constant. He gave her money and gifts with a little help from her blackmail , but nonetheless he did it. Through much discussion amd some counselling I came to realize this was a flaw in him not me. I was devastated and heartbroken almost past existing. He was and is broken and repentant.. Without that I would not even try to reconcile. I can say it has been a crazy hard 3 years with horrible times but some great times too. He is now the man I thought he was all along. In order to forgive you have to determine which hurts the most... The horror of what he did or the pain of being without him. I choose the latter because even though his love and commitment were shaky, mine were genuine. I want the new and improved man in my life. I loved him through his madness so I can surely love him now. In order to forgive you have to sacrifice your feelings even though you are entitled to them. For the best example to go by, study the life of Jesus of Nazareth. That is how I survived the horrible past that slammed and almost destroyed me.

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Originally Posted by Bruised

It can be done. My husband of 29 years now had on and off affairs with the same woman for 24 years. I found out 3 years ago. For the 7 years before I found out it was constant. He gave her money and gifts with a little help from her blackmail , but nonetheless he did it. Through much discussion amd some counselling I came to realize this was a flaw in him not me. I was devastated and heartbroken almost past existing. He was and is broken and repentant.. Without that I would not even try to reconcile. I can say it has been a crazy hard 3 years with horrible times but some great times too. He is now the man I thought he was all along. In order to forgive you have to determine which hurts the most... The horror of what he did or the pain of being without him. I choose the latter because even though his love and commitment were shaky, mine were genuine. I want the new and improved man in my life. I loved him through his madness so I can surely love him now. In order to forgive you have to sacrifice your feelings even though you are entitled to them. For the best example to go by, study the life of Jesus of Nazareth. That is how I survived the horrible past that slammed and almost destroyed me.

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Thank you very much. I'm truly glad you have made it through that horrible time and your life. You are a very strong women for what you have went through. I. Hopefully that I can be as strong as you have been.to u. Thanks for the words of wisdom. Huge hugs you

Im kind of going through the same thing . My fiancé cheated & I confronted her about . Every time I try aand bring it up, its not to atart an argument but for the fact that I want to know so I can get it off my chest & know. The only way to truly forgive him is to talk about it with him.

I know you are hurt and a bit confused but that goes with the shock of betrayal and loss of trust. I think for now you really do nothing but regain your own trust in yourself and your own judgment.

Quite simply be patient until you are strong enough to heal and just rebuild friendship, and cooperation, AND communication. I don't know his side, but you must make sure he is totally committed to do what it take to put this back together and get you both through the healing process. It can be done but it will take time to forgive, and deal with not ever being able to forget.

Has he shown sign of improvements or change for the better in his behavior toward you? I think a lot has to be HIM being willing to reach out to you, so the question become how are you getting along NOW?

Relax, and let him come to you as you keep a cool head about yourself. If he won't go with you to counseling, it's a good option to go yourself, and maybe he follows later. Be good if he does.

Be good to yourself, and do good things for yourself.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I know you are hurt and a bit confused but that goes with the shock of betrayal and loss of trust. I think for now you really do nothing but regain your own trust in yourself and your own judgment.

Quite simply be patient until you are strong enough to heal and just rebuild friendship, and cooperation, AND communication. I don't know his side, but you must make sure he is totally committed to do what it take to put this back together and get you both thru the healing process. It can be done but it will take time to forgive, and deal with not ever being able to forget.

Has he shown sign of improvements or change for the better in his behavior toward you? I think a lot has to be HIM being willing to reach out to you, so the question become how are you getting along NOW?

Relax, and let him come to you as you keep a cool head about yourself. If he won't go with you to counseling, its a good option to go yourself, and maybe he follows later. Be good if he does.

Be good to yourself, and do good things for your elf.

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It is very hard to fix what is broken when he is never home to help with the mending of our marriage he works offshore and is gone for 8 to 10 weeks at a time (this is Where the affair happened while he was at week )so I'm having a hard time with it. Because I'm not able to talk about it face to face it has to b Where this has happened at. So there is always that thought of him cheating again because he is gone all the time and that is the prime time to mess up too much time on his hands. So I am very skeptical on our marriage working out. Do u think I am wrong for feeling this way? Don't get me wrong I want it to week but very hard to fix something that is broken when he is never around. Thanks very much for all the help that I have gotn from this group it means a lot to me n the state of mind I have been n. Thanks again.: )