My husband and I have been married for 13 years and have 3 kids together, he is and will always be the love of my life. We had some problems in our marriage, not cheating, but problems like any other couple so we separated. While we were apart he got in trouble with the law and went to prison for 2 yrs. We wrote each other but we didn't officially get back together but we were still in love. He gets out of prison at the end of this month. Well in July I met someone else who is a few years younger than me, I thought I was in love with this guy because he was so nice and sweet in the beginning but come to find out he cheated on me and was contacting his ex and is a drug addict.

I was lonely and desperate I admit so I stayed with the new guy. He promised me the cheating would never happen again, he got my name tattooed on him as well. Crazy I know its like a soap opera. Well anyway my husband started writing me saying he wanted to work on our marriage when he gets out and wants to get back together and raise our kids. I agreed even though I am still seeimg this other guy. I never lied to the new guy I told him I was married. He still wanted to be with me and claims he is madly in love with me and wants to get married but how can I when I am already married?

I am already fed up with the new guy because of cheating, lying and the drugs. I am still so much in love with my husband when he gets out at the end of the month I am for sure going to get back with him and work on our marriage and taking care of our kids. I know I get into toxic relationships but I am not perfect myself so please don't judge me.

I keep trying to break up with this new guy but he keeps crying and begging me to stay, so how do I get rid of him before my husband comes home at the end of the month? I am not being mean but he cheated on me and is on drugs. I may have considered divorcing my husband for him, but after all the stuff he has did in this short amount of time it just made me realize how much I am more in love with my husband. I know this is like a soap opera, but its not it's the drama that's called my life.

Your question is ' how do I get rid of him before my husband comes home at the end of the month?'
You throw him out! If he doesn't leave you get a RO. I don't get why it's a problem. Do you feel that you need him to fill some gap before your husband gets home? Crying and begging somehow makes up for being a lying drugging cheat? What will your kids think with a revolving door of one man out, daddy back in the next day? What will you do if your kids are taken away because of drug use? And no waffling just because the end of the month seems far away, and no listening to begging. You don't need a confrontation between the 2 men either, someone could end up hurt or dead.

Do it NOW today.

Joy is right. You simply tell him it's over and don't fall for the crying bit.

Wow!! Been there!! I was in the same situation about 10 years ago. If you are like me and somewhat normal then cruelty is not something you practice, and you don't want to hurt the boyfriend. However when push coimes to shove... I ended up thinking about what would happen if I didn't deal with it and maybe hurt my girlfriend's feelings. Listen... Ther's only one way to deal with this. The truth. Tell this guy exactly where you stand and what you want(keeping in mind you kids and husband). The issues that will come from not dealing with it will far outweigh the issues your having right now... DO IT!! You'll be glad later, and so will your soon to be ex!. Ultramanster

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Originally Posted by odinn7

Joy is right. You simply tell him it's over and don't fall for the crying bit.

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I hear what everyone is saying but I do still having feelings for the new guy even though I know he's no good, he does have my name tattoo on him, and was there for me in my time of need, he is living with me, every time I try to ask him to leave he cries like a baby.. I probably shouldn't have gotten involved with him in the first place but I was lonely.. I don't want to hurt the new guy even though he's has hurt me.. No matter I am madly in love with my husband, my kids father and want to be with him at the end of the month but I just am not strong enough to kick the new guy out.. I know I sound stupid, I guess I will just have to deal with the consequences when my husband gets home.. I don't want drama but I know there will be.. My husband is so good looking has a nice body and this new guy is skinny and looks average.. It melts my heart when he cries and begs though I feel bad.. I need to get a grip and be strong for my kids and myself..

O Damn!! I surely don't envy you! I can just imagine what you're going through. One question... Is your husband a reasonable man or a tough guy. Depending on the answer to that... this poor sobbing shell of a possible ex-boyfriend... might just end up in far worse condition than he's in now. You too for that matter. Weigh your options. Me. I'd go for the hurt feelings rather than the destroyed family and beat up ex-boyfreind.

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Originally Posted by ultramanster

O Damn!!! I surely don't envy you! I can just imagine what you're going through. One question....Is your husband a reasonable man or a tough guy. Depending on the answer to that...this poor sobbing shell of a possible ex-boyfriend...might just end up in far worse condition than he's in now. You too for that matter. Weigh your options. Me. I'd go for the hurt feelings rather than the destroyed family and beat up ex-boyfreind.

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To answer your question my husband is huge and pretty badass he won't tolerate any disrespect from anyone that's for sure.. My boyfriend tries to act tough but he is really a crybaby.. He knew I was married when we met and yes I do love him and have feelings for him after all the stuff he has done to me I just don't feel the same and I know my husband would never do those things to me like lie constantly or cheat.. My boyfriend is so into my kids but my husband isn't going to tolerate having another man around his kids.. I want another baby but my new boyfriend can't have kids so there's really no reason for me to stay with him.. I already told him yesterday and the day before that I don't want to be with him anymore but he refuses to leave no matter what I say, I warned him once my husband comes home that's who I am going to be with but he cries and begs that's why I feel bad.. So no matter how many times I try to put him out he won't leave, the clock is ticking.. When my husband gets out I know he's going to be expecting sex and were married so I am going to give it to him.. My new boyfriend will have no other choice but to leave when my husband gets out..

Cut off the sex and he will leave. He knows his days are numbered and he is trying to get all he can get for as long as he can. You are saying one thing and doing another. He is taking advantage of your mixed signals.

Men are not your problem, but the lack of honesty is. Both with your husband and the new guy. You are lying to them both and cheating for your own benefit. Now you are caught between two guys because of this dishonest lack of action.

Maybe you address your own flaws, and not use the flaws of others as an excuse to do NOTHING. Then you wouldn't be confused by what YOU should be doing, or how to do it.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Men are not your problem, but the lack of honesty is. Both with your husband and the new guy. You are lying to them both and cheating for your own benefit. Now you are caught between two guys because of this dishonest lack of action.

Maybe you address your own flaws, and not use the flaws of others as an excuse to do NOTHING. Then you wouldn't be confused by what YOU should be doing, or how to do it.

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I was never dishonest with anyone, I told my boyfriend when I met him I was married and my husband is in prison and we had separated right before he went to prison.. I even told my new boyfriend when he cheated that I was over him and when my husband got out I wanted to get back with him.. So I have told the new guy the truth and tried to end things he just refuses to accept it and leave, so its not my fault.. My husband and I were separated before he went to prison so I was free to talk to any man but I didn't I remained faithful to him up until July of this year when I met my new boyfriend.. No I haven't told my husband that I met someome else but we agreed that what we did when we were separated that it doesn't matter.. Now that were trying to work things out I have tried to end things with the new guy and because he cheated I don't want to be with him but he refuses to leave and cries and begs so what can I? I am not to blame I didn't lie to anyone.. Yes its best for me to cut off sex with my new boyfriend and maybe he will just leave.. I stuck with him because I was lonely but he cheated, is a liar and a drug addict so he's not the one for me..

Since you don't have the strength, courage, or fortitude to handle your business then your husband can handle it for you. Sorry, I just don't buy that you are helpless to get a lying, cheating dope head out of your life.

Dump him and leave him alone and let him cry alone. Its up to YOU to cut contact and ignore him. Or are you keeping him on a string in case you and hubby fail again.

Guess you like bad boys even when they are cry babies. You must not WANT to do what you have to do. What's the problem here?

Well All I can say is good luck. My main concern is your husbands attitude when he first gets out. I've made my share of mistakes and can tell you first hand... being locked up for any length of time will change a man's way of thinking. In jail, the rules are totally different. I won't get into that... my point is, he is not going to be himself for a while. He's going to a "wood" who is used to his "car" and his "shot caller". He's going to be ready to protect you and the kids from any POTENTIAL threat with violence. Has your current boyfriend been locked for a long period? I doubt it, otherwise he'd know better than to be anywhere near you and yours. Anyway, best of luck... I'm out-peace!

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I hear what everyone is saying but I do still having feelings for the new guy even though I know he's no good

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Sounds to me like you can't kick him out because you want him to stay. You want them both. Well, you have to decide, do you love your husband or the boyfriend? Who stays, and who goes?

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he does have my name tattoo on him

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What does that have to do with anything? You're not kicking him out because he was stupid enough to get the name of a married woman tattooed on him?

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I am madly in love with my husband, my kids father and want to be with him at the end of the month

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But until the end of the month why not have the boy toy around for a little slap and tickle, is that the case?

Look, bottom line is this, you have to choose. You either want a relationship with your husband, which means getting rid of the boyfriend no matter how much he cries, or you stay with the boyfriend. You have to put on your big girl panties and make a decision. You made your bed, now lie in it.

Good luck.

You guys are all right with what your saying.. No matter how much my boyfriend cries or begs I have to kick him out and leave him alone, he's no good at all.. He wasn't thinking or caring about my feelings when he cheated or lied and we have only been together since July so he will have to get over it, it really isn't a hard choice.. I guess I am being selfish and I for sure don't want any conflicts or drama around my kids.. Since I want things to work out between my husband and I, I am going to end things asap with my boyfriend.. Thanks for the advice everyone..

Phew. You had me worried that you thought you could have it both ways and just let the 2 guys kill each other, or one the other. Maybe you'd end up dead too.

May I ask why your husband is in prison? Was he abusve toward you in any way?