We have only been married 11/2 years and she says she feels a disconnect an doesn't want to try counciling or anything, she refuses to try to make things better with me. What can I do to make her give me another chance? I am even more in love with her and we always have fun, (even though lately she claims that the bad times outweigh the good) I know that she is just being stubborn and pretending that its worse to push me away. Even right before she left we talked about baby names, vacationing,etc. I think that we both have some issues that need to be addressed and don't know what to do. All I want is my wife/life back.

In your marriage I thing you clap with one hand,the best thing you can do is let her go,your life must go on,many women out there may love you more then your wife,, excusme do you have a child?

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Originally Posted by mahija

In ur marriage I thing u clap with one hand,the best thing u can do is let her go,ur life must go on,many women out there may love u more then ur wife,,,excusme do u have a child?

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This only happened very recently, she was 100% in it "for life" and then after a fight she took off, since then (around 2 weeks) she has ignored me until recently when she told me that she wouldn't try and that she wanted to leave. The night of the fight we we dancing and having fun, talking about baby names (no kids yet, just started to try) I don't see how one small thing can make someone want to leave so badly. We were both wrong in the fight, have apologized and see our own faults.

She sounds very flighty, in it for life one minute, leaving without the chance for reconciliation the next. Does she often do this, leave saying she's done only to come back a week or two later wanting to start trying for a baby?

You both need therapy, even if she decides to come back. She has to learn that you can't just leave every time you have a fight.

How old is she?

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Originally Posted by Alty

She sounds very flighty, in it for life one minute, leaving without the chance for reconciliation the next. Does she often do this, leave saying she's done only to come back a week or two later wanting to start trying for a baby?

You both need therapy, even if she decides to come back. She has to learn that you can't just leave every time you have a fight.

How old is she?

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This has never happened before. I know she has been feeling down lately about other things and think that she needs to visit a psychiatrist. I feel like I do too. She lost one of her parents right before we got married and she has struggled with that a lot since it happened. I don't think that age is really a factor in any of this. When we got married we made the same promise that everyone else does and I just can't see throwing it all away.

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Originally Posted by dontwannadivorc

This has never happened before. I know she has been feeling down lately about other things and think that she needs to visit a psychiatrist. I feel like I do too. She lost one of her parents right before we got married and she has struggled with that a lot since it happened. I don't think that age is really a factor in any of this. When we got married we made the same promise that everyone else does and I just can't see throwing it all away.

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In other words she's young, and you don't want me judging her on her age. Should I guess? 21 or younger?

It honestly sounds like their might be another man. Most of the time women want to work things out or try counciling but I gues your wife doesn't. Call her... If she doesn't answer leave her a heartfelt voicemail but if she answers- pour you heart out to her. Tell her how your feeling.. Express your love. Send her flowers (red roses or orchids) try hard make sure she knows your not going to give up. If she refuses smile and say I`m sorry if this wastes anymore of your time but I LOVE YOU, I`m not going anywhere. I don't want to lose you. You are my everything. And I would like to make this work. Remind her of the good times. Don't let her go. GOOD LUCK

What was the fight about?
She says the bad things out weigh the good. What bad things have been going on?

Neither of us are 21 or younger. We are mid to late 20s and are both successful and far more mature than our friends that are 10 years our senior. It just doesn't add up, the changes were so fast and severe. The fight was nothing to even be upset for a day over, let alone a lifetime. Neither of us ever hold grudges or are mad or upset for extended periods. As for the bad times, she has no explanation, she seems blinded by anger or pain. I don't really feel like anyone here will give me any real insight or answers and am pretty much just venting,I guess, and hoping that maybe I learn something or by some miracle someone tells me something that I haven't already thought of on my own

You mentioned in one of your posts (can't find it now) that one of her parents had died right before you got married? Has she been to counseling about that?

I have a feeling that a large part of her issues are the grief she's still going through over that loss.

Hank you alty, I have been thinking the same thing and am trying to make her realize that if she is overwhelmed, she needs to get help. Either from me or someone else close, or preferably a professional