So let me try to make a long story short. My girlfriend at the time goes on a work trip 4 hrs. away for 2 months. On this trip our communication was lacking, I had some things come up which didn't allow me to fully contact her all the time. So she felt ignored by me and broke up with me later when I talked to her.

So I basically beg and chase and all that on her trip... wait till she gets back and do it some more, it only makes it worse she was so full of anger that we both said and did things out of anger and hurt each other a lot. Then I went NC for 30 days to cool down and hope she cools down. I contact her after 30 days and she has so much anger in her. Slowly after a few days of texts here and there she calms down.

Her answer has always been the same that she forgives me now but can't be with me. So it's been 2 months and I talked to her a week ago. I told her I was done chasing her and I am going to sell this bracelet she got me and a few things. And the things I can't link cards and all I would leave at her place. I don't want anything to do with her.

The next day she texts me like crazy saying I shouldn’t sell the bracelet, that it was special and it's made for me and it's worth more than money. I told her it isn’t made for me. That if it was we would be together and that I thought we were made for each other too.

After that she finally started chasing me for once always texting me for 2-3 days. She finally said she hasn't lost the feeling. Even though she always told me she had no feelings. She said she's confused and was so hurt and needs time. But she said she wants to work it out, so I said lets meet this weekend. She said she will try but won't make promises that she needs to be emotionally and mentally ready to meet me and only then she would meet me if she decides too and that she doesn't want to lead me on.

So the weekend has come and gone. No word from her. No idea what to think right now? I don't understand this feeling part where she has to be READY to see me? What's that mean? I mean I don't know how I feel, but I'm willing to meet even if I was mad, because it's the only way to work it out. And in the past when we always met up we always resolved our problems that way... but for once in our 3 year relationship she's made it hard to meet up.

So do I just wait now? Or contact her and see what's going on? I told her I'd give her the space and time she needs and wouldn't pressure or force her at all and she told me thanks for understanding... that's the last I talked to her almost a week ago now.

I don't know what to think of now.

I would leave her alone. Let her contact you. You've told her you were tired of chasing her so don't do it now.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I would leave her alone. Let her contact you. You've told her you were tired of chasing her so don't do it now.

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Well I want to avoid chasing her again because

#1 I don't feel like chasing her anymore after the things she said to me out of anger. She had told me she was with someone else now, but she seemed to have said it to get me away from her I think... because later she told me how I could have believed it and think so low of her of being that way

#2 I noticed she chased after me more after I told her I was selling the expensive bracelet she got for me. I guess maybe that made her realize it was over on my end or she is about to officially lose me for good once I sell it. I chased after her and for once gave up and she might have picked up on it and chased after me.

The thing I hate now is she still kind of might feel she has me on a leash. That she can say I need time and take as much time as possible. She said she would try to see me this weekend, but so far no message from her at all.

She can think what she wants. Don't contact her. Get on with your life. She does have you on a leash if you are second guessing her or you contact her.
She is obviously not going to see you this weekend. Don't wait for her. Assume she is not going to call and be get one with your life.

By the sounds of it in the beginning she was genuinely confused about how she felt and maybe having that distance from you made her realise she was better with out you for a second?so then her game started!! She thought well ile go one further and really see if he does like/love me? And because you kept biting to her bate her ego was being catered to. You made the crucial move in the game!! You basically made the opening move to winning your power back your pride and your dignity. You were chasing her for the right reasons because in your heart you felt there was enough love there to fight for where as she took it for granted. When you mentioned selling the bracelet she couldn't handle the thought of you not remembering her or having anything to remember her by it was the only bit of power she still held, by desperatly turning round and telling you what's she said proved that. So she wants you in her life but only by the sounds of it when it suits her and when she's bored?sorry but you should start dating girls and having fun because no doubt she's probably moving on but keeping you dangling there!! Also when someone really wants something they go get it!! If you want to see someone and it means that much then you will see them not turn round to them and make up excuses! She sounds minipulative, she is using your kindness for weakness and also pulling at your heart strings and sorry to say but your allowing her to treat you like that. I would not talk to her from a girls point of view she probably cares about you because you once shared something but I don't think she's in love with you. If you want her back still then make no effort because you have done the running so far let her realise herself how much you mean to her and come running back to you!! Then you know if she really means it if she comes back just no your worth and don't settle for this chick thinking she can make you unhappy everyone deserves happiness!! Goodluck

Yeah that's what I been doing is moving on and if she gets back to me great.. if not then... that's how it is...

I guess I got confused, because I don't know if it's an excuse to NOT see me but tell me she can still see me.

The part where she says I want to only meet up when I'm emotionally and mentally ready to see you. I don't get that? Why does she need to be ready to see me? If you want to work stuff out don't you want to see them right away to make it work?

And she does seem confused, like she said her heart tells her 1 thing and her mind tells her another. I'm guessing her heart still loves me, but her mind tells her it will never work, that she should move on etc...

I guess Im posting because I told myself I'd give her some time. And after I would return some stuff she gave me that's not sellable like cards and photo's and what not. I wanted to leave it at her house. She told me not to last week before she decided she wants to work this out. But I can't fully move on till I do that.

Because for me packing away all the cards and special things she has given me and leaving it at her place does 2 things.

#1 it allows me to know it's over and that I have accepted it and moved all her belongs in my room away from my environment. It's almost like I'm packing away my past and throwing it away and moving on to a new.

#2 it will hit her hard to know I'm done with her.. imagine getting back all the special cards and presents you gave that meant a lot. Such as a glass made anniversary present with our photo in the middle. I just want her to see it all and know it's all gone and over. I just want her to feel what she made me feel and that what she said even though she didn't mean it was wrong. And that she can't hold me liable for her actions.

The thing is I held off doing all of this, because she started to chase me after I told her I was going to sell the expensive bracelet she got me and drop off things at her front door. Like you said she might have panicked and realized it's really almost over and she probably is deciding if she still wants this or not, because it's at that breaking point of no return for me almost. She did ask me how badly I wanted this and I told her I don't need to say anything.. my actions of sending her a sorry card, making a video etc.. Should prove that enough.

So I don't know if I should wait a few days more.. or text her and see how she's feeling and either tell her to set a date to meet or something.. or just end it by returning her stuff at her door and walk away from her forever. I guess her texting me and giving me hope of meeting up held me off for a bit. I thought for once after 2 months of waiting I got to hear the words I always wanted to here, which was her wanting to see me to talk it out.

It's been a week now and no reply from her. I kind of do want to give her time.. but I'm not sure what else I can do? How much time does a girl really need? All I know is she said that I have no idea how badly I hurt her, but she talked to me like she normally would and even using the nickname she gave me. So I feel something is there for me, but something is also holding her back.

When you let go, you will get her things back to her and that will be it. In fact you should.
She is still controlling what you do while she keeps you hanging.
She either knows she wants you back or she doesn't. It is not right to keep a person hanging like that.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

It sounds like you have not let go. When you do, you will get her things back to her and that will be it. She is still controlling what you do while she keeps you hanging.
She either knows she wants you back or she doesn't. It is not right to keep a person hanging like that.

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I had let go earlier that day when we talked.. I realized no matter what I do to show her how much I love her and all.. that she just couldn't see it and if she really loved me.. she would see her own fault also in our fight. That she would fight back for me too, but I never saw it. So that day I have up.. I lost respect for her as a person, who so called said she loved me for 3 yrs.

After that I moved on I never felt so free, but then a day after she texted me and kept chasing me and texting me for 2-3 days straight almost like she knew I had let go or was just about too. I guess that fear made her chase me.. and maybe she doesn't even know why? I mean if her heart tells her 1 thing and her mind tells her another... well I don't know. She said she's trying to get both of them to agree on one thing.

I guess I just wish she would make up a decision, because I can't move on or wait.. If I wait she could change her mind and it's a waste of waiting and if I move on and she comes back.. I won't want her anymore.

And at the same time I don't want to force her, because I can see why she said she doesn't want to lead me on without being emotionally and mentally ready. Because then she might meet up and give me hope and realize she doesn't want it.

It's a tricky situation now, but from my point of view.. I don't understand how someone needs to be emotionally or mentally ready to see someone? If you love them even though they hurt you and you hurt them.. wouldn't you still want to see them to work it out? Why would you need time to decide? Can't a person meet in person and THEN decide?

Something in me wants to text her in 2-3 days and ask her to meet at the time I schedule in the evening to meet. And from then if she says yes.. I can see how she is in person. If she says no, then I know I can drop off all stuff at her doorstep and leave and move on knowing she didn't want to try and didn't even love me enough to try to work it out.

I can see she wants to work it out, but I Don't understand this "I need time to be ready to meet you and I need to gether my feelings etc..." I always thought if you loved someone you would show up no matter?

I don't understand that either, and to keep you hanging is wrong. You are the one to put an end to it. Leave her alone. If down the road she feels like she wants to talk to you, let her make the move and see how it goes. In the meantime, you need peace of mind.

Sorry guy but your confusion is caused by you, not her. She dumped you and instead of disappearing you still chase her. Box her stuff away and disappear from her life the way you are supposed to and have no more contact.

Telling her you will sell the bracelet and return her stuff is an immature cowardly way of making her feel as low as you do. It creates drama and confusion where there needs to be none.

If she really wanted things to work, you would be talking, so disappear and go no contact for real, not just to let her cool off.

See that doesn't work? Why.. because then she is going to go back to making me feel guilty and saying ohh you disappeared and that means you ignored me and I knew you'd never change you'd always push me away and ignore me that's why I don't like you etc.. etc.. I find it she doesn't get her way she always tells me I haven't changed. Like the text last week about meeting up. I didn't reply right away and after 4 texts she finally said I must be ignoring her and she can see I'll never change and just negative things. I don't know if she says it because she knows I'll reply right away since it's almost like a guilty threat to get her way.

Anyway I've made a decision to text her today it's been exactly 1 week now and she said she would maybe see me on the weekend. She didn't and I'd expect she could have texted me a tleast to say she can't or has Monday and all of today Tuesday to text me too. She hasn't so later tonight I will text her and see what's up. Personally I think at this point in time communication is key.

And I've gotten to a point where I can't take it anymore. I either want to sit down and talk it out. Or return all her stuff and move on. I don't want to sit in the middle anymore and suffer like this... It has to go to one end of the spectrum but not in the middle. Either I live my life with her around or with her gone forever. Which is why I am going to try to set a meeting for Friday. She can meet or not.. that's her choice, but that will be the deadline for me.

After that I will go and drop her stuff off and move on with my life if she can't meet up. I don't want to be pushy, but I realized I can't live this way anymore. I can't destroy my life for a girl, that can't love me enough to sit down and talk it out. And in that case she is not worth to me. All my friends, and family have said she isn't worth it.

What kind of girl tells her 3yr boyfriend that she claims to love so much and tell him she's with someone else only to lie to him so he goes away. That is what made this relationmship fall apart. After that it lead me to say and do things back and it went crazy. And I would never ever tell a girl I love that I'm with someone just to push her away. That's something you just Don't say...

Anyway I've made up my mind and I'll see how it goes. I've just realized I will be happy either way it goes, because I won't be stuck in the mdidle suffering. I'll either be able to move on and let go of the past or work this out and learn in this relationship to fix and make it better.

Good luck guy.

Well it didn't go the way I thought it would.. but that's to be expected.

Basically I sent a text asking to talk and surpringly she texted me back so fast literally instantly... I was shocked. So I told her to meet me on Friday, she said she has work that late.. which lead me to know she was making an excuse, so I told her what time is she working till which made her say she's not ready, she doesn't know if she wants to be with me, and then she said I don't want this anymore.

Then made up an excuse that she is sick probably to get me to leave her alone.

From then on it slightly heated basically talking about how I don't get why she wouldn't meet and work it out. People that really love each other work it out and we used too. All she said was how I pushed her away all the time.

I told her how she never understood why I did it, how I was always stressed and down in life it was a tough time for me, and how she won't even sit down and talk to listen and allow me to listen to her feelings too.

From then on all she would say is turn things around on me and just purposly say something bad about me. Almost like she wanted to avoid the things she did badly. I felt as if she can't accept she made a mistake. She's stuck on me saying crap about her on Facebook. Which I only did, after she has told me she was seeing someone else. Which she claims is not true, but she said it out of anger towards me. I just said it was disrespectful that you love someone and to push them away you would go as far as to say that too them. I normally wouldn't post crap on FB like I did.. but I was so hurt and did it not thinking.

She just can't let it go and I realized if she can't accept I was in as much pain as her at that time. Then she's not worth it. I don't want to be with someone who's stubborn and can't sit down with me and talk things out and realize we all have fights and say things we don't mean sometimes when we are angry.

So I decided now at the end of this week, I will be returning all the cards, gifts she gave me. Some I will keep and sell, but I want NO memory of her around me. I want her to see the cards and gifts one last time to know what she threw away by being stubborn. She can toss it all, burn it all I don't really care anymore. At least she will be the last to see it and that's how I want it to be. To know I gave it all back and everything she gave me is away.

I can't stand to keep anything, because the memories will be to painful to keep. And I don't want to keep this crap for years to come only to see it again and re-live the painful past.

It's been tough for me, I lost my grandma, lose my ex, got sick with mold poisioning and to drop school for a few months, deal with my ex drama now... it's been so tough. I thought I'd die by the end of October. But I'm still here.. Im still breathing and for once I believe I DESERVE better.

I deserve someone out there, who will love me even if I mess up. I know I will because I'm not perfect. All I know is I have a good heart and I'd fight for her even when things get tough... I'm that kind of person and I deserve someone who is willing to be like me and fight for love even if things get messy for us.

I hope I can finally move on after I drop off all the stuff and know an old chapter is gone and a new one starts. Who knows what lies next for me on this journey. I know more tough things will come by, but I have to be super strong now to battle life ahead of me.