Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend doesn't show as much affection as I do.

I'm just wondering if this is just me or if it have happen to someone else. I really love my boyfriend but I feel that he doesn't show as much affection as I do, I will always make cute pictures of us together and post it in Facebook, but he have never done any picture of us together. We have 2 years together and we have had some problems in the middle of the relationship. I just want him to show more affection towards me. Can someone help please.

Here are some possible answers I've come up with... I don't know all the details, so it's just ideas >>

1. Stress-related - Sometimes if guys are really stressed/upset about something (esp. work-related problems) they can get into "cave-mode", where they just need some down time alone in their cave to digest their problems, rather than open up & talk about it. So maybe if there is a noticeable decline in his affection levels, he could just be stressed about something & trying to act strong around you when there's something bothering him inside.

2. His lack of affection may also be how he was brought up & now a part of his personality. Guys usually emulate behaviours/emotions as their fathers (their most influential role model). So if for instance he was brought up in a home where his dad showed little or no emotion/affection towards others (e.g. very tough exterior), it's highly likely that he would emulate that behaviour.

3. Shy/private personality - maybe he doesn't post photos on Facebook because he's a relatively shy/private person.

4. Medical condition - lowered testosterone or impotence (e.g due to stress/depression) can contribute to reduced drive for intimacy/affection.

It's easy to get into analysis paralysis, usually women think about the 'worst-case scenario'. What does your gut-feeling tell you?

It is a world-wide stereotype that men are doers and women are talkers and emoters. I say stereotype because there are exceptions. It's all part of some ancient ideas of what is masculine and what isn't. Maybe prehistoric: The man guarding the cave from the saber tooth tiger and going out to hunt, while the woman babbles to the babies and decorates the cave with Facebook montages.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yogapple

Here are some possible answers I've come up with ... I don't know all the details, so it's just ideas >>

1. Stress-related - Sometimes if guys are really stressed/upset about something (esp. work-related problems) they can get into "cave-mode", where they just need some down time alone in their cave to digest their problems, rather than open up & talk about it. So maybe if there is a noticable decline in his affection levels, he could just be stressed about something & trying to act strong around you when there's something bothering him inside.

2. His lack of affection may also be how he was brought up & now a part of his personality. Guys usually emulate behaviours/emotions as their fathers (their most influencial role model). So if for instance he was brought up in a home where his dad showed little or no emotion/affection towards others (e.g. very tough exterior), it's highly likely that he would emulate that behaviour.

3. Shy/private personality - maybe he doesn't post photos on facebook because he's a relatively shy/private person.

4. Medical condition - lowered testosterone or impotence (e.g due to stress/depression) can contribute to reduced drive for intimacy/affection.

It's easy to get into analysis paralysis, usually women think about the 'worst-case scenario'. What does your gut-feeling tell you?

Wow.. I wish I had read this before.

My ex broke up with me for these reasons.. now I realized why I am the way I am... Stress and family.. My dad shows not too much affection, and I became like him I guess. Though I was very affectionate with my ex when I met her. I wish my ex saw this before to realize why I am this way sometimes...

It doesn't mean it can't be changed.

I think the best thing to do is talk to your boyfriend first and tell him what you want and how you want stuff.

And give it a month and see if things change. If not, tell him you need a break. I changed a lot since my ex left me. I changed so much, I'm much stronger now. But it hurt because she left me when I was mostly stressed out and lost my grandma and had school problems. I didn't have time for her and lost her too.

So talk to your guy and UNDERSTAND him... that's key. You need to FEEL what he feels to know what's inside him and what is making him be the way he is...

Well you've been dating him for two years, is this unusual behavior for him or has he always been this way?

This can be played two ways: either he's unaffectionate, or you're not understanding.

99% of having a successful relationship is accepting your partner for the way they are and loving them enough to deal with it. Changing them to meet your needs seldom works.

As time goes by there will be many things you don't like about them, and heaven forbid, they find some of our habits to be annoying too! Maybe your boyfriend already has some issues with YOU.

Bet he does. So give him some slack on a few things and keep talking.

Quote:

Originally Posted by slapshot_oi

Well you've been dating him for two years, is this unusual behavior for him or has he always been this way?

This can be played two ways: either he's unaffectionate, or you're not understanding.

Sometimes guys become uneffectionate from other things e.g.. Stress and other things happening, that makes them feel low.

That's how it was for me.. I started to become depressed inside, but didn't know I was.. my ex never saw it and/or maybe she thought I'd never get out of it and didn't see I just needed more support and maybe even a slap in the face to wake me up to see that I can be better no matter how hard life hits me