So me and this guy have liked each other on and off for YEARS since we were kids.. so it's no doubt that he likes me, him and I got real close in April and about a month later he broke up with his girlfriend who really is no good for him (the manipulating type... he told me he felt forced in their relationship etc) after their break up he came after me and I turned him down a few times before I gave in lol and we talked and hung out the WHOLE summer it was great, got a long great, talked ALL the time like everyday, spent time together, 1 of my best summers...

During the summer he adamantly told me he did not want to get back with her but we didn't officially hook up just took things slow because we were both fresh out of other relationships... but then I found out they were back talking I strongly believe she made contact (she's crazy over him) and from her end seemed to be all lovey dovey, needless to say I felt lied to and although, before I found out we agreed to keep our thing going, I ended it! I feel I did jump to conclusions maybe out of fear but he was also in the wrong, I wouldn't have been hard on him for talking to her I just wanted honesty at least as a friend...

So I think we both walked away from our involvement thinking that it wouldn't be that big of a deal and it wouldn't be difficult to walk away from each other but it is SO difficult for me... and it's been over 2 months since we ended and we haven't really talked since, he did contact me out of the blue last month and that conversation was very short and generic and it puzzled me, then at the beginning of this month I contacted him and he seemed extremely happy to hear from me and that conversation was longer than the last but I still cut it short... so all in all I guess you could say I hide my feelings kind of I'm not sure what I'm doing with my feelings but...

I think I freaking fell for him, I think about him all the time and miss him like crazy and do you think maybe he fell for me too or has feelings?

p.s. him and his ex are still in each other's lives but 5-6 months after the break up he still has not made it back official with her so I don't know if he just likes her friendship or what

Thanks!

He was with her because he wanted to be and he's still hanging around because he wants to be. You were a short lived and pleasant rebound.
This guy is hung up on this girl.
You need to forget about him .

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

He was with her because he wanted to be and he's still hanging around because he wants to be. You were a short lived and pleasant rebound.
This guy is hung up on this girl.
You need to forget about him .

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I agree to an extent, it's hard to forget about someone who obviously hasn't forgot about you so I guess that's where my problem is... I guess if he would leave me alone it'd be a little easier & I do agree that he's around her because he benefits from her & wants to be but I also believe he knows she isn't good for him from what he tells me, his friends & family but she got him trapped... I am in the process of moving forward but u know it's still going to be on my mind, he's not some fly by night we've had this thing for each other for 1/2 of our lives

Then you need to tell him to leave you alone and mean it. As long as he can go back and forth, have his cake and eat it too, he will

Hmmm...

Coming from a guy's perspective, I know some feelings can be confusing. I can't speak for everyone, but what I feel about something isn't always clear to me. Often times, these feelings, because they are confusing, are pushed away while I sort things out.

I end up waiting and not really committing to any actions because I feel like I don't have a real answer either way. And this can sometimes last a long time!

So, in my opinion, I think asking him what he feels directly is the best approach. Ask him what he thinks about you. Ask what he thinks about her.

If he really is stuck in that relationship, he might want some help or reason to get out of it. You might save him from her. But, you should first find out if he really want to be out of it. If he wants to stay with her, then it might be best to back off. But if he really doesn't want to, and he just feels trapped or guilted into having a relationship with her, he might need an excuse or way to get out.

Basically, ask him what he feels. No strings attached. All truth. THEN if he wants to away from that other girl, offer him your feelings and support.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Then you need to tell him to leave you alone and mean it. As long as he can go back and forth, have his cake and eat it too, he will

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I do agree!

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Originally Posted by Soupquestion

Hmmm...

Coming from a guy's perspective, I know some feelings can be confusing. I can't speak for everyone, but what I feel about something isn't always clear to me. Often times, these feelings, because they are confusing, are pushed away while I sort things out.

I end up waiting and not really committing to any actions because I feel like I don't have a real answer either way. And this can sometimes last a long time!

So, in my opinion, I think asking him what he feels directly is the best approach. Ask him what he thinks about you. Ask what he thinks about her.

If he really is stuck in that relationship, he might want some help or reason to get out of it. You might save him from her. But, you should first find out if he really want to be out of it. If he wants to stay with her, then it might be best to back off. But if he really doesn't want to, and he just feels trapped or guilted into having a relationship with her, he might need an excuse or way to get out.

Basically, ask him what he feels. No strings attached. All truth. THEN if he wants to away from that other girl, offer him your feelings and support.

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Thank you for responding I've been needing another guy's perspective... I actually have made progress because at 1st I was really angry but I'm not anymore and actually do feel like I could talk about it with him... in the meantime I have been making efforts to move on I don't want to put my love life on hold for anyone but... as a guy... would you prefer the woman speak up to you 1st about what happened and everything? Or would you prefer to speak up about it?

Because I haven't decided if you should just speak up or wait till he does...

I may have been a rebound but I'm kind of OK with it lol because he's the 1 who broke up with her & we actually didn't plan on ending we talked about not ending but then it did so now I have to just figure out where to go now

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Originally Posted by Juicy09

thank you for responding i've been needing another guy's perspective...i actually have made progress because at 1st i was really angry but i'm not anymore and actually do feel like i could talk about it with him...in the meantime i have been making efforts to move on i don't want to put my love life on hold for anyone but...as a guy...would you prefer the woman speak up to you 1st about what happened and everything? or would you prefer to speak up about it?

because i haven't decided if u should just speak up or wait till he does...

i may have been a rebound but i'm kind of ok with it lol because he's the 1 who broke up with her & we actually didn't plan on ending we talked about not ending but then it did so now i have to just figure out where to go now

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Well, that kind of depends on what kind of guy he is. I tend to find myself more of the passive type. Unless the situation is PERFECT, I generally keep to myself about confusing matters.

If he seems like the kind of guy who is very forward and open about a lot of things, or maybe if you know a side of him that nobody really knows about, you should try and figure out if he's a passive or active person.

If he's passive, by all means, approaching him might be something he's wanted. But if he's active, maybe you should just try and hang around? He might approach you.

My advice, try to figure out whether he's the kind of guy to bring it up. If he isn't, asking him about his feelings would be the next step. If he is, try and just be open to that moment if you think it's coming.

But obviously don't wait forever.

I am of the minority on talking to ex's. I talk to a lot of my ex's and my girlfriend does the same. I don't want to jump out and say you should move on its your fault for jumping to conclusions,
But if you have trust issues so bad that he can't even be friends with his ex then yea maybe you shouldn't be with him.

Don't make someone a priority in your life when you are an option in theirs. If this guy wanted to be away from her and be with you, he would. I don't believe in coddling adults like children. He either wants you or he doesn't. He knows how you feel about him. Let him come to you if he wants you, in the meantime, he should be an option. Move on.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Don't make someone a priority in your life when you are an option in theirs. If this guy wanted to be away from her and be with you, he would. I don't believe in coddling adults like children. He either wants you or he doesn't. He knows how you feel about him. Let him come to you if he wants you, in the meantime, he should be an option. Move on.

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He has been in my life but he's not a priority never really has been, but when there's a situation that weighs on me because it's not solved, it tends to be on my mind especially if it's still recent, I don't believe in rushing my feelings and forcing myself to move quicker than I'm ready I tend to let myself deal with my feelings, I am talking to another guy I agree with moving on as I previously stated, but I guess I'm a little different than you because to me situations aren't always cut and dry the world isn't black and white there is gray matter to be dealt with at times and that's how I view it & considering I'm not a guy I try to be more understanding since I don't understand them lol... but thank you for the responses

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Originally Posted by Soupquestion

Well, that kind of depends on what kind of guy he is. I tend to find myself more of the passive type. Unless the situation is PERFECT, I generally keep to myself about confusing matters.

If he seems like the kind of guy who is very forward and open about a lot of things, or maybe if you know a side of him that nobody really knows about, you should try and figure out if he's a passive or active person.

If he's passive, by all means, approaching him might be something he's wanted. But if he's active, maybe you should just try and hang around? He might approach you.

My advice, try to figure out whether or not he's the kinda guy to bring it up. If he isn't, asking him about his feelings would be the next step. If he is, try and just be open to that moment if you think it's coming.

But obviously don't wait forever.

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OK yes he is DEFINITELY passive when it comes to situations I think he likes to lay low and let them blow over... but then it never really gets solved, because I was pissed at him and went off and he backed off from talking to me then some weeks passed I wasn't really mad anymore and he contacted me...

I typed him this letter in my phone and I'm thinking of sending it to him, it basically just tells him everything how I felt, feel, what part I think he played in all this etc and I'm waiting for the right time to send it

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Originally Posted by Gamed

I am of the minority on talking to ex's. I talk to alot of my ex's and my girlfriend does the same. I dont wanna jump out and say you should move on its your fault for jumping to conclusions,
but if you have trust issues so bad that he can't even be friends with his ex then yea maybe you shouldn't be with him.

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OK first, I do not have trust issues and anyone of my ex's can attest to that! And yes I already said I jumped to conclusions because they are not back together "officially" but don't get it twisted they AREN'T "just friends" she is involved emotionally, they're both involved sexually I believe, so he hasn't made her his girlfriend again but you can still have a relationship without titles, people do it all the time, I've done it before so they're not just friends... so that's that

Secondly, it was the dishonesty that pulled me away from him... him saying 1 thing to me... and other things to her when she came back around... having trust issues is believing someone is lying or whatever and not really having proof... just being paranoid... but seeing something with your own eyes (like I did) that this person has been dishonest is totally different that's straight up lying... or not keeping it real... I never give my guys hard times for having friends if what they "say" is adding up with their "actions" and being a man of their word

Don't get me wrong he's a good guy, really good he has his flaws and doesn't always think before he acts but I have never doubted his intentions he's a great person and after 10 years of knowing him I can confidently say that

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Originally Posted by Juicy09

ok yes he is DEFINITELY passive when it comes to situations i think he likes to lay low and let them blow over...but then it never really gets solved, because i was pissed at him and went off and he backed off from talking to me then some weeks passed i wasn't really mad anymore and he contacted me...

i typed him this letter in my phone and i'm thinking of sending it to him, it basically just tells him everything how i felt, feel, what part i think he played in all this etc and i'm waiting for the right time to send it

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I'd hold onto to that for a bit. Before you tell him your feelings, just... carefully ask about his Ex. Ask what he thinks of her without any of the emotional attachment just yet.

I only say this because you don't want things to be awkward if he still cares about her. If he's over her, truthfully, then tell him your feelings.

Rush in too quickly and you might get caught in a difficult situation.

These things are all about taking it slow and figuring things out.

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Originally Posted by Soupquestion

I'd hold onto to that for a bit. Before you tell him your feelings, just... carefully ask about his Ex. Ask what he thinks of her without any of the emotional attachment just yet.

I only say this because you don't want things to be awkward if he still cares about her. If he's over her, truthfully, then tell him your feelings.

Rush in too quickly and you might get caught in a difficult situation.

These things are all about taking it slow and figuring things out.

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Oh OK... well I didn't mean tell him my feelings like "i like or love you" I meant tell him about the situation because I felt I've been dishonest with him just like he was dishonest with me... I've been pretending like I wasn't upset over it when I was... now I'm not upset anymore and maybe that's why I have this feeling of relief & want to confess... he still cares about her I just don't think he's in love with her and I'm pretty sure he doesn't want that exclusive relationship with her again because she had him miserable as hell when they were together all he did was complain... even confessed that he pretended to be happy so other people wouldn't know they had troubles which is why I was like "why in the world are u even dealing with her again?!"

Guys are so confusing lol

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Originally Posted by Juicy09

oh ok...well i didn't mean tell him my feelings like "i like or love you" i meant tell him about the situation because i felt i've been dishonest with him just like he was dishonest with me...i've been pretending like i wasn't upset over it when i was...now i'm not upset anymore and maybe that's why i have this feeling of relief & wanna confess...he still cares about her i just don't think he's in love with her and i'm pretty sure he doesn't want that exclusive relationship with her again because she had him miserable as hell when they were together all he did was complain...even confessed that he pretended to be happy so other people wouldn't know they had troubles which is why i was like "why in the world are u even dealing with her again?!"

guys are so confusing lol

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The situation should be fine, I think. Just make sure you both understand where each other are coming from. If he wants to get back with you, that's great! But make sure you both understand what the situation means for the two of you.

If you really feel, you must confess, then so be it. Holding in feelings can be tough, but remember to tread carefully with them.

Just be honest, and calm. Don't get too riled up in it. If he sees you approaching the situation rationally, it might help him rationalize it himself.

And guys always say GIRLS are confusing. I just decide to say PEOPLE are weird.

If a guy thinks he can always come back to you he will do just that. I had a relationship with my first boyfriend like that. He married got divorced came back to me. I got smart and married at 26 years old. But I did not want to accept that he really did not see me as nothing more than the rebound girl. I am so glad I moved on met and married the love of my life. I would still be single if I had waited on him he is on his 4th marriage now.

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Originally Posted by Soupquestion

The situation should be fine, I think. Just make sure you both understand where eachother are coming from. If he wants to get back with you, that's great! But make sure you both understand what the situation means for the two of you.

If you really feel, you must confess, then so be it. Holding in feelings can be tough, but remember to tread carefully with them.

Just be honest, and calm. Don't get too riled up in it. If he sees you approaching the situation rationally, it might help him rationalize it himself.

And guys always say GIRLS are confusing. I just decide to say PEOPLE are weird.

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Thank you very much

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Originally Posted by pepper81

If a guy thinks he can always come back to you he will do just that. I had a relationship with my first boyfriend like that. He married got divorced came back to me. I got smart and married at 26 years old. But i did not want to accept that he really did not see me as nothing more than the rebound girl. I am so glad i moved on met and married the love of my life. I would still be single if i had waited on him he is on his 4th marriage now.

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I agree they will if they think they can, but here's where I get confused, him and I dated when we were kids (like middle school) nothing serious... & when my mom found out she said I was too young for bfs so I was forced to break up with him. After middle school, we went to different high schools and we had no phones or cars to see each other so we just went our separate ways for about 3 1/2 years

Senior year is when we reconnected through my cousin & we did try to maybe start something but then again, no cars, different schools and he still didn't have a phone he used other people's phones to communicate with me when they would let him and it just became a hassle, so we graduated and went off to colleges in different cities... we have been in contact ever since our 1st semester in college (I got to car, he got to phone) but with us being hours away for most of the year at school, because of our circumstances we just stopped trying and grew into this friendship...

We both started dating other people & would hang out and talk every now and then just to catch up as friends, nothing romantic, no sex or anything... long story short besides when we were kids in middle school we've never had anything serious or sexual ever... after 10 years of knowing each other the 1st time we ever had sex was this spring/summer... we did do it when we had other relationships (I know not good) but it was 1 time only and literally right after our 1st encounter (same month) coincidentally not even knowing we both broke up with our bf/gf, I broke up with mine because my feelings were jacked up and I didn't even know he broke up with his girlfriend until he came to me & told me & that's when we took our friendship to another level for the 1st time...

So I def don't want to be that girl he always comes back to but considering we've always only been friends until this summer I get confused I kind of think she is a come back because she's crazy over him & if he left her again & tried to come back she would let him... but 1/2 a year later he still hasn't made her his girlfriend again although she's still around

She is still around because he allows her to be around.
He has not handled his business with her and until he does any girl he tries to have a relationship with will be confused. Maybe he is the one conflicted and confused.
I don't think you owe him any explanation about anything, or confessions about anything but if you feel like you do, go ahead.