Ask Me Help Desk - Thick and large labia- not normal

Thick and large labia- not normal

Hi, I am a 43 yrs old mom of 2. I was widow for the last 14 years. I didn't marry because of my children. I am going to marry now. During the 14 years time I had regular sex and undergone 2 abortions. My future hubby doesn't know that.The problem is my labia was normal before but now it has come out and become very thick and large. I can't discuss with anyone else as I belong to a religious and modest society. I want to know will my hubby ever know about my sex life and abortion by seeing my labia? And is there any treatment for my labia?

It may not seem "normal" to you any longer, but women's (and men's!) genitals come in a myriad of shapes and sizes. Sometimes that can change with age and hormone changes. If he didn't see you before, he shouldn't notice anything is different now. What you described is NOT enough "proof" to show you had abortions or an active sex life before he came into your life.

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Originally Posted by LearningAsIGo

It may not seem "normal" to you any longer, but women's (and men's!) genitals come in a myriad of shapes and sizes. Sometimes that can change with age and hormone changes. If he didn't see you before, he shouldn't notice anything is different now. What you described is NOT enough "proof" to show you had abortions or an active sex life before he came into your life.

Thanks dear, he has not seen me. But I think that men believe that big outer labia means that vagina is having insertions. Is it right?? One of my previous boyfriend told me that I use to have regular sex by seeing only my vagina.

I have already told my future hubby that I was pure for the 14 years.

I'm wondering what you mean by 'coming out' when they are already out, and the reference to 'it' when labia come in pairs... you don't mean the clitoris by any chance?

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Originally Posted by joypulv

I'm wondering what you mean by 'coming out' when they are already out, and the reference to 'it' when labia come in pairs... you don't mean the clitoris by any chance?

I mean larger labia than normal- hanging labia , I didn't mean clitoris.

Other women have been here talking about their labia being 'too large' for their comfort, but no one said they thought it was from having an abortion. I have never heard of such a connection.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

Other women have been here talking about their labia being 'too large' for their comfort, but no one said they thought it was from having an abortion. I have never heard of such a connection.

No, I think my labia has come out because of regular penetration. As even 5 years ago it was normal. I was not sure about the effect of abortion. But I know that frequent abortion takes away the possibility of getting pregnant. So I asked.

Is there any kind of surgery for this?

I don't mean to doubt you in anyway I am just trying to make sure you are clear of what part you are asking about, there is the labia minora and then the labia majora.. One more thing you mentioned there is "thickening". Have you felt any areas that are lumpy? You have not experienced any itching or discomfort in this area? Did this change come about all of a sudden or over a period? You may want to Google," outer female anatomy diagram" This may be helpful.

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Originally Posted by krafteame

I dont mean to doubt you in anyway I am just trying to make sure you are clear of what part you are asking about, there is the labia minora and then the labia majora.. One more thing you mentioned there is "thickening". Have you felt any areas that are lumpy? You have not experienced any itching or discomfort in this area? Did this change come about all of a sudden or over a period of time? You may want to google," outer female anatomy diagram" This may be helpful.

Thanks dear, its labium minora, in fact it has become bigger than my labium majora. I don't see any lump, itching. But while having sex I don't fee the same comfort as previous. I am not fully sure when it happened. But I think it happened overnight and I didn't notice. As far as I remember even 4-5 years ago I had normal labia minora. Please help me as I don't want my hubby to figure out my past.

You are a mother of 2. Does he not know you have children? He cannot figure out your past by looking at your vagina, that's silly.

With that said, it's never good to start a marriage with a lie. Your relationship will suffer greatly due to your guilt. You are already suffering guilty feelings and you aren't even married yet.

Yes he knows about my 2 kids and family. And if I disclose my previous sex life without marriage then he will never marry me and in my society I will be hatred by everybody even by my family and kids.

Plastic surgeons perform labia reconstructions.

It's probably due to hormonal changes due to getting older. There's no way someone can tell from looking at you that you had an abortion, not even a doctor. Particularly since you've had two pregnancies in your prior marriage, and are not claiming to be a virgin, there's no risk to that.

I would recommend that you see a doctor though if you are concerned about any changes in your body. And you might consider some counseling, too. If you are in the US, they have to keep what you say secret under HPPA rules, and given that you cannot speak of your past hurts with those closest to you, it might be good to have somewhere that you can be open and get support.

Thanks to all of you who have given me suggestions. I have recently had sex with my future hubby and he was not able to identify anything. So its nothing to worry anymore now. Thanks. And he seems to be all right with my labia.

I'm glad it worked for you. But I wanted to add, that where sex organs are concerned there is no "normal". Breasts, penises, labia, clitorises (clitori? ) all come in different shapes, appearances and sizes. So you started laboring under the misconception that there is a normal appearance for the labia.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

I'm glad it worked for you. But I wanted to add, that where sex organs are concerned there is no "normal". Breasts, penises, labia, clitorises (clitori??) all come in different shapes, appearances and sizes. So you started out laboring under the misconception that there is a normal appearance for the labia.

Yes you are right dear. My labia changed over years and I didn't notice. Now I believe that its my labia's normal shape , also I am already 43. So I'm not supposed to be like young girls. However all the misconception I got from one of my previous bfs who told me that the lower labia becomes bigger when a woman has too much sex. However its all OK now. Also I am lucky that my future hubby doesn't have that much knowledge of female genitals.