My ex is a mess. He was abusive toward me and left when I was pregnant. My daughter is now 9 months old. My ex has never been involved with my daughter. Now all of a sudden after trying to contact me to get back together, never asking about my daughter. He is trying to get full custody. He is not on the birth certificate, does not pay child support, he lives in Ca and I live in MT. I know he is just doing this to be closer to me, but I want him to be stripped of his parental rights. ( if he even has any) in some cases yes, it's healthier to have both parents. This is not the case. My boyfriend has been raising her with me this entire time and he is all she needs. What can I do to prove the best interest of my child is to leave things the way we have them now?

Firstly, your boyfriend cannot adopt your child until you are married for at least a year. Courts are hesitant to make a commitment to a child if the adults have not made a commitment to each other. 9 months is only a small snapshot of time.

Secondly, unless you can prove that the father of the baby is a danger to the child, the courts will not terminate rights unless you have met the criteria for adoption set forth above.

What you need to do is file for full custody and child support. If you have not established legal custody through the courts, there is a risk of your ex getting custody.

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Originally Posted by J_9

Firstly, your boyfriend cannot adopt your child until you are married for at least a year. Courts are hesitant to make a commitment to a child if the adults have not made a commitment to each other. 9 months is only a small snapshot of time.

Secondly, unless you can prove that the father of the baby is a danger to the child, the courts will not terminate rights unless you have met the criteria for adoption set forth above.

What you need to do is file for full custody and child support. If you have not established legal custody through the courts, there is a risk of your ex getting custody.

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. Clearly I already have full custody. I will make it legal and I will not have to file for child support. I want nothing from him. You do not have to be married in order to adopt. So please only respond with facts.

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Originally Posted by Mommydear89

. Clearly I already have full custody. I will make it legal and I will not have to file for child support. I want nothing from him. You do not have to be married in order to adopt. So please only respond with facts.

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Also there is NEVER a risk of my losing custody to him. Unless I was proven to be unfit in a disastrous kind of way. My worry is not about losing custody. My question is above if you would like to re read it and respond with knowledge to back up your answer.

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. Clearly I already have full custody. I will make it legal and I will not have to file for child support. I want nothing from him. You do not have to be married in order to adopt. So please only respond with facts.

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So, you have had paternity established via a DNA test and you have been to court to have custody ordered. Good for you then, you are a step ahead of the game.

And, I AM responding with facts. The majority of states will not allow an adoption unless the parties are married.

Oh, prior to nursing, I worked in law for over 10 years. So I think I know my "facts."

But, since you already know the answers and all of the "facts," one has to wonder why you are posting a question.

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Also there is NEVER a risk of my losing custody to him. Unless I was proven to be unfit in a disastrous kind of way. My worry is not about losing custody. My question is above if you would like to re read it and respond with knowledge to back up your answer.

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You are a rude little girl responding this way to volunteers who are trying to HELP you!

Again, since you already know the answer to your question, why did you post it in the first place?

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Originally Posted by J_9

You are a rude little girl responding this way to volunteers who are trying to HELP you!

Again, since you already know the answer to your question, why did you post it in the first place?

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[QUOTE=J_9;3305016]So, you have had paternity established via a DNA test and you have been to court to have custody ordered. Good for you then, you are a step ahead of the game.I didn't ask if my boyfriend was able to adopt or not and I did not ask how to request for child support. Like I said read my questions. If I'm not providing enough detail I am open to making additions. I posted my questions to get feedback on how to get the ball rolling and to hear any advice from other mothers in my current situation or anyone well educated with particular states and regulations. Ie: Father in CA and mother in MT. With your "history" of law then maybe you could provide better information. I'm not trying to be a "rude little girl". I just want information on how to convince the judge to leave things as they lie rather than letting this absent "father" become so intrusive. Like I said already I will add detail to anything here just ask.

You aren't going to get advice from mothers in your situation. You posted in the LEGaL forum. You are going to get LEgAL advice.

And the advice remains the same.

A court will not establish adoption of a minor child to two people who are not committed to each other by marriage for a minimum of a year.

A court will not terminate parental rights to a child unless said parent is a danger to the health and/or safety of said child.

What you need to do so that this man can adopt your child is to follow these LEgAL steps:

1) File for legal documented custody through the court;
2) Get a child support order;
3) Get married.

After a year of marriage you revisit the court for adoption. At this point the biological father will possibly be happy to terminate his rights in order for the adoption so that he can get out from paying child support.

You may not be trying to be a "rude little girl," but you are really doing a bang up job of it! I really hope your attitude does not rub off on your daughter. Have you ever heard the saying "don't bite the hand that feeds you?" Well, we are all volunteers here. We actually take time out of our day and away from our families to help people. It's people like you, with the attitude you are throwing around, that we choose not to help.

So, don't bite the hand that feeds you the LEgAL information you are wanting.

By having him pay child support, wouldn't he then be permitted to visitation? If so how does visitation work when we live in different states and she has major health issues that wouldn't permit her to travel. Is there a way to prevent him from seeing her at all? I know the courts encourage fathers who are presumably making an attempt, but his attempt is nine other than a mask to try and rekindled what he calleca relationship between the two of us. I know I can seupenia him to a psych evaluation, but how? Also should I get a restraint order to protect myself and my 2 girls. (my oldest is not his) just for good measure?

He is eligible for visitation with or without child support. You see, this is the man you made a child with, he should be allowed to be part of her life. This is why you need to establish paternity as well as custody through the court.

If she has health problems that prevent her from traveling, that would have to be well documented with the court as well.

It's subpoena, not seupenia (FYI). Why do you think you can subpoena him to a psych eval if you haven't done anything through the courts at this point? That would be done during your custody hearings.

You cannot get a restraining order against him unless you can prove, through police reports, medical reports, etc. that he is a danger to you and/or your children. And those reports need to be recent.

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Originally Posted by J_9

He is eligible for visitation with or without child support. You see, this is the man you made a child with, he should be allowed to be part of her life. This is why you need to establish paternity as well as custody through the court.

If she has health problems that prevent her from traveling, that would have to be well documented with the court as well.

It's subpoena, not seupenia (FYI). Why do you think you can subpoena him to a psych eval if you haven't done anything through the courts at this point? That would be done during your custody hearings.

You cannot get a restraining order against him unless you can prove, through police reports, medical reports, etc. that he is a danger to you and/or your children. And those reports need to be recent.

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He isn't eligible for anything. He is not on the birth certificate and has been absent for 9months along with living in another state. I can subpoena(thanks) him to a psych evaluation because that is my right in order to provide proof of his mental instability and also to provide proof of his abuse since no police report was filed. There has to be a more effective way or many effective ways to prevent him from being involved. I know many fathers have a right to excersise their capabilies of being a father, but that is just not what's best for my child. So how do I make that happen? I'm all about raising my children to be well rounded adults. My first born is involved with her father and that has always and will always be in the best interest of my child. My 2nds father will do more damage than good. I really need to know what I can do to make sure he is not granted any visitation with her.

What have you done in court so far?

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Originally Posted by J_9

What have you done in court so far?

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I haven't done anything. He tried sending me papers through California. So I set up a telophonic hearing. I spoke to the judge today and informed him that Montana has jurisdiction over my child and that the petitioner is not on the birth certificate. The judge asked a few questions on where the child was conceived and born and agreed that my state is her home state and informed the petitioner that If he wanted to proceed legal action that he must first establish paternity which he made his responsibility and that he must go through the child's home state. (Montana) and closed the case there. So I am going to take legal action I'm just not sure where to begin. I know that I should be the one to open the case so that I have "upper hand" and I'm not just responding to whatever he decides.

So you get a family law attorney and start the proceedings. You establish custody and paternity as well as child support. Sure, you don't want or need child support, but when you and your boyfriend are married for over a year, you can use it as leverage for the biological father to terminate parental rights.

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Originally Posted by J_9

So you get a family law attorney and start the proceedings. You establish custody and paternity as well as child support. Sure, you don't want or need child support, but when you and your boyfriend are married for over a year, you can use it as leverage for the biological father to terminate parental rights.

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:D okay great!! I will give it a shot! Thank you.

First, J_9 is correct. In most US states, a couple has to be married before they are eligible for a step parent adoption. However MT law (MONT. CODE ANN. § 42-1-106.) does provide for a partner adoption. It is still left to the discretion of the courts but it is possible. However, the bio father will have to agree. The courts will require that you identify the father, that paternity tests are done to confirm that identification and that the father agrees to the adoption or you prove that it is in the best interests of the child for the adoption to go forward.

You may have de-facto custody, but until a court awards you legal custody you don't have that.

If a paternity test proves he is the father then he can certainly gain some level of custody and/or visitation unless you can prove him a danger to the child. No, being awarded child support does not automatically get him visitation. He can get visitation whether you ask for support or not. The key to visitation is whether he is a danger to the child or not.

And yes, it is possible he can gain custody, though highly unlikely. You need to check your facts before denigrating someone else's.

So, what has happened so far, is he petitioned in CA courts for custody. CA courts denied the petition (and rightly so) because they don't have jurisdiction. So he now has to file in MT. You can do nothing and wait until he files and then fight it, or you can try the adoption route. If you decide to try the adoption route, I would get a Family Attorney to do this to make sure you properly make your case.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

First, J_9 is correct. In most US states, a couple has to be married before they are eligible for a step parent adoption. However MT law (MONT. CODE ANN. § 42-1-106.) does provide for a partner adoption. It is still left to the discretion of the courts but it is possible. However, the bio father will have to agree. The courts will require that you identify the father, that paternity tests are done to confirm that identification and that the father agrees to the adoption or you prove that it is in the best interests of the child for the adoption to go forward.

You may have de-facto custody, but until a court awards you legal custody you don't have that.

If a paternity test proves he is the father then he can certainly gain some level of custody and/or visitation unless you can prove him a danger to the child. No, being awarded child support does not automatically get him visitation. He can get visitation whether you ask for support or not. The key to visitation is whether he is a danger to the child or not.

And yes, it is possible he can gain custody, though highly unlikely. You need to check your facts before denigrating someone else's.

So, what has happened so far, is he petitioned in CA courts for custody. CA courts denied the petition (and rightly so) because they don't have jurisdiction. So he now has to file in MT. You can do nothing and wait until he files and then fight it, or you can try the adoption route. If you decide to try the adoption route, I would get a Family Attorney to do this to make sure you properly make your case.

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Okay, great. I will just get everything ready for court then.