Over one year ago, my daughter--30 years of age and a RN, informed me she did not consider me her Mother any longer and I should consider myself as only having one child--my son(her brother). She said to not try to contact her in any way and within a few minutes, it was evident she had removed all FB, albums, photos--just anything she could censor so I could not see anything about her. So, that means anything being posted to her by friends can't be viewed by me either.

This has "shot an arrow into my heart" I try to forget all of the terrible, wicked and deadly statements she made to me. The rest I don't even want to put in writing because it just brings back----WELL----everything from her birth to current, and with everything in-be-tween. She and I spent thousands of hours with her activities from elementary school through college. I have no idea what I did or did not do that brought our relationship to this point.

If she disowned you, you must know the reason.

As a divorced--but well educated--Mother of a son(40) and a daughter(30) My daughter was only 8 when her Father decided he didn't need a family any longer. I did not date or even go out with friends at that time because I felt my attention needed to be with getting my daughter back on solid ground--my son was in college during this time, but helped with his sister when he could. I NEVER forced my children into any activities, but when they found something they enjoyed--I backed them up 110%(there father did not). Between my Mother and Father offering to help---educationally, spiritually, medically, and being involved with their grand children's activities, both grandson and granddaughter, the three of us were able to put both through college. Dance recitals, band competitions, drama club, sports and advocating what was important to them. My daughter was quite ill during her junior year of H.S. and my Mother and I were the ones to take her to specialists and hospitals and work with hospital staff to see she had everything she needed. I NEVER minded doing these things for her because #1 PARENTS ARE PARENTS FOR LIFE. #2 REGARDLESS OF WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR CHILD'S LIFE YOU CAN NOT GIVE UP ON THEM OR SHOW THAT YOUR LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL . I have no idea what made this situation happen regardless of what TICKLE thinks

Well your narcissism could be one of the reasons.

All I am reading is me me me...

You seem very antagonistic, judging by your response to tickle.

And I am sensing a lot of sarcasm from you...

Just a glimpse of what your daughter has had to endure for the last 30 years...

If you want advice from us, then respect us. Do not use your caps, it shows you are yelling at us.

Now, I originally posted on here a while back, and don't know what happened to my post...

So I will ask you the same question as I did before, at what point did you notice a change in her behavior towards you?

Also noticed that there is no question asked in OP's original post; so assuming this is just a dissatisfied blog. OP should print out her post and send it to her daughter, maybe then she will find out what the problem is. I can't imagine a mother having a problem like this. Her daughter doesn't want to have anything to do with her, and she doesn't know? That is incomprehensible to me.

You would have to be living unde a rock not to know what is going on with the lives of your children.

A parent is not a "parent" by life, they are the person who gave them birth and that is about it. There is no requirement that any relationship at all happens after they are grown. And many times there are none.

It appears that there is a lot of resentment, but if she wants no contact there is nothing can do to change her mind. You should go to counseling to deal with it in your life and find ways to improve your communication with her

Yes, did re-read my entry, and you are correct. There may have been too many "I's" and "We's" Certainly, narcissism doesn't enter into the picture. I will answer questions that have been ask of me.

Her behaviors began about 6th. Grade. And still a magnification of similar behaviors are still getting worse and behaviors that extended into reincarnation, other worlds, at least 2 or 3 different personalities, circle meetings with friends, associations with spirits, etc.

Also, according to Fr. Chuck--he stated a parent is not a "parent" by life--what was stated as my 2 personal feelings are "parents are parents for life" and "regardless of what happens in your child's life, you can not give up on them and hope they are aware of the fact that LOVE is unconditional.

My respect for my daughter wishes have been carried out completely. There has been no tries, by me to contact her in any way.

My every two weeks counseling is helping me immensely. There is absolutely no contact with my beautiful, intelligent , RN, professional, writer, composer and advocate for most people and extreme interest with animals(and she communicates with them, and the animals with her-- in an unusual, personal ways).

What else do I need/have to explain to people who answered my original statements? Knowing incidents in her life from age 12 to 20 makes it very difficult for someone else to make evaluations--Understandable!

I too am puzzled that you have no clue why she suddenly cut you off. It speaks to a defensiveness and denial of what is right in front of you.

Your way of writing has a sort of rigidity to it that worries me a little - it's about events, activities, behaviors. Maybe I'm overreading, but it seems that maybe you gave and gave and sacrificed and expected a ROI, too much from a 30 year old. I don't know if all this spirit world stuff you mention, especially that it's 'behavior getting worse,' means that you have been critical of the life she has chosen for herself.
Two questions: are you horrified by a child choosing a different spiritual path from yours?
What was she ill with her junior year?

Nothing was ever said that would have made my daughter "hate me" about her beliefs. I never laughed or acted like thoughts she had and was proceeding with. She felt comfortable telling me about her dreams and her reincarnation, and spreading certain combinations of spices and other items all around the outside of our house to keep away evil spirits. Her bedroom was set up to resemble a session of other free spirits to discuss happenings of the week. I never went into her room--unless invited. Respecting her beliefs is a way of respecting her "mind set" the same as people should respect other's way of thinking and beliefs--NOT being a "control freak" . Everyone has the right to have their feelings and not be controlled by another.

I am neither a mother or a daughter, but I did have a sister who cut our mother out of her life like a bad tumor; and for good reasons too.

My sister had a hard life growing up, the main problem was that our mother doesn't listen to any of her children. You say your daughter had trouble getting on her feet at 8 years old (I'm assuming MusicalLadyDi and MusicalLadyDi46 are the same people) after her father left the picture. And then you continue to say she started believe in things like "...reincarnation, other worlds, at least 2 or 3 different personalities, circle meetings with friends, associations with spirits, etc." just four years later. It sounds like you have an issue with her beliefs not being the same as yours, regardless of what age they spring from. If you discouraged her in anyway through those things, I can understand her hate towards you. Heck, I would hate my mother too if she did the same thing to me at such a young age. If you forced her to see a psychiatrist (which I'm guessing you did) because of her beliefs, then she would feel humiliated for believing in what she believes in.

Reincarnation, spirits, other worlds, circle meetings are harmless religious practices, it's sad that most people don't see that. In fact, said religious practices are the only ones that don't discriminate on other's religions, unlike most monotheistic religions like Christianity and Catholicism. There was never a Buddhist who cut down another man's beliefs. On the other hand, multiple personalities, may be the only thing you should have looked into when she was a child as that can be a sign of a mental illness known as MPD. If you bombarded her as a 12 year old and told her all of the things she believed in were wrong at once, you can see why she'd be upset with you. If, instead, you tackled the MPD alone, I can tell you that she would not want to cut you out of her life.

I can tell you're hiding something and being very vague. Stop skimping on the details and tell us what you did to her. If you truly don't know why she hates you, then you must have been a terrible mother her entire childhood. My mother wasn't the greatest but at least she knew why her daughter quit talking to her. My mother did the same thing you're doing; playing the poor, hurt, mother victim. She avoided facing up to the truth and asked everyone "why does she hate me?" instead of facing up to her wrongdoings. After my mother got the balls to apologize to my sister the right way, they were able to start rebuilding their relationship, slowly but surely.

Joypulv and Perfecqkt--you seem to have a way of reading between the lines plus reading the lines.
42 days--one year of my employment and 62 days--another year of employment, My Mother and I spent time at hospitals and with therapists. These actions were never regretted. Most of my days were actually sitting in a chair, in our living room, she was in her bedroom with black blankets over the windows, me--not knowing if she was going to need a 911 call, or as a "cutter" she might need medical help. My interests were to get her healthy and if her feelings were what she displayed was her definition of physical and mental health--respect was considered and necessary. But, when it came to cutting or hurting herself---dont't you think I had the right to intervene? Wouldn't you do the same?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MusicalLadyDi46

Joypulv and Perfecqkt--you seem to have a way of reading between the lines plus reading the lines.
42 days--one year of my employment and 62 days--another year of employment, My Mother and I spent time at hospitals and with therapists. These actions were never regretted. Most of my days were actually sitting in a chair, in our living room, she was in her bedroom with black blankets over the windows, me--not knowing if she was going to need a 911 call, or as a "cutter" she might need medical help. My interests were to get her healthy and if her feelings were what she displayed was her definition of physical and mental health--respect was considered and necessary. But, when it came to cutting or hurting herself---dont't you think I had the right to intervene?? Wouldn't you do the same??

---

Yes of course you had the right to intervene. I would have taken the blankets off the windows. You did what you thought was best as a mother. I'm not saying you didn't, although I did say that you write in a way I can't quite put my finger on - rigid isn't the word I want, maybe there is no single word. I'm saying that you may have expected too much from her in the last 10 years, especially after all you invested. It is a very common theme.

She was 8 when her dad left, and that might have been some sort of key moment for her young daughter-father relationship, when she needed him most. That certainly isn't your fault.

You keep adding important details after we 'read between the lines,' whether fairly or not. We still have not one clue why she deleted every shred of connection with you, and we all (I think) don't quite believe that you don't know. You have studiously avoided any failings on your part. We all have them.

My daughter has lived under many and different roof's. She has not lived with me since 2004. She moved to Colorado Springs, and so did her brother at that time and she has work as a cardiology registered nurse in a major hospital. She was a travel nurse for 2 years and in Va. NC. Ariz. Ohio, Col.Sprgs, and 3 times at Stanford Univ. Med School. I have not told her how to live or where to live or what she should do or anything else. She is very independent and I knew her instincts would guide her in the right direction.

There are reasons that I was responsible for some of her feelings. The last email I had with her was "if I just knew what I have done or didn't do--or had even one idea--I just need to know" Her reply was "You are inappropriate with everything you do, you lie about anyone and everyone you know, you were never a good teacher, you were not a good mother, you are not a decent musician----All I want to know and see is that you die a horrible death and go straight to hell"