Hello

I am 54 and I met a guy 52 two months ago.

We got on great from the start are both divorced both lost our individual homes and had to go bankrupt due to marriage break-ups.

From the onset he said that he felt like a kid again liked me and wanted for me and him to be happy together and start seeing each other which we did but only once a week and we text each other each day.
3 weeks down the line I got a text from him out the blue to say could we just remain friends? I couldn't understand why and after speaking to him he said could we just slow the relationship down and see other other casually for the time being if that was agreeable by me? I agreed as did not want to see him.

I have been divorced 6 yrs and only been out with a couple of blokes but nothing there and I felt so normal and comfortable and happy with this new fella.

He however I feel has had relationships in his 2yrs of being single and has not been working for 18mths but starts a new job in 2wks time. He has been struggling so I have been helping him with food and bought him a couple of warm tops thinking nothing of this.

We have got on great until last weekend when an hour before he was popping over to see me said he didn't feel 100% and had been lying on settee all day, but did I want to go over. I did and we just sat and cuddled and watched TV then he said he was tired and was going to bed and I came home 4 hours later.

The next day he text me to say he was going to stay at his parents 3 miles away
For a week and would be in touch with me later in the week.

He hasn't and I feel he has again taken a wobbler about the relationship and now I am feeling a bit of an idiot and stupid for helping him as I have done. It was my own choice anyway he hasn't asked me for anything.

We have text each other every day him every morning to me but I have not heard from him for over 4 days? He did say he was feeling quite depressed too.

I am in limbo as I did say in my last text when he went to his mam's I will give him space too to sort himself out.

Is he going to do again what he did 3wks ago and say he wants to be on his own and be just friends?

Am I being paranoid and should I just wait and see what happens or do you feel that he has been calling the shots and just wanting to see me when he feels like it?

I really like this guy and I know he likes me too and we are not young kids either but I just feel that he has gone from being quite open with me to being very deep?

I know we have been seeing each other nearly 2 months but I feel so hurt and vunerable and just don't know what is going on in his head?

Can you advise or help me please?

Should I leave him and not contact him? Or if he is thinking the same as me neither of us will make contact and I need to have answers as to why he has suddenly gone cold and distant with me?

Is he frightened of getting too involved, is he seeing another woman, is he definitely staying at his parents or has he said that so I won't contact him whilst there with them.

He said at the beginning he wants me to trust him and likewise he will trust me
And that we will be OK. At one point I said "well if we are still together at Xmas" and he instantly said, "what do you mean by that of course we will".

In the back of my mind I feel that he is living in his rented flat not worked for 18th months met me when he has no money to take me out, can't buy me anything, when I am presently working and have been helping him out with food etc and he feels crap and terrible about the whole thing?

If I were to text him now to see how he is I feel as if I am again chasing him and
Making the first move but he has never left it this long to get in touch with me 4 nearly 5 days and I am thinking has he been thinking about him and me and wanting to end it but dosen't know how to as he feels awful that I have been helping him financially and his ego is now totally deflated? Our sexual and chemistry commitment to each other is fantastic although he keeps saying I need to put on weight and go to gym as lost too much weight?

What are your comments and thoughts on my dilemma please?

I think you need to leave this man alone. My gut reaction is he has found someone else and is not being honest with you.
I hope I'm wrong but I'd not contact him. Assume he is gone.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I think you need to leave this man alone. my gut reaction is he has found someone else and is not being honest with you.
I hope I'm wrong but I'd not contact him. Assume he is gone.

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Well he has been in touch and told me his parents are spoiling him and he feels a lot better. He also has said if I am free on Monday he will meet up with me?

However I have said that I am at work all next week, (I am not but said that to him). He knows I have been off all this week and on my own). I am thinking why could he have not seen me one day this week?

After I have text him I am possibly away on a course all next week too he has not replied to me. So I am really playing him at his own game am I right to do so?

I want to believe he is at his parents but I really just don't know? I want to trust him and if I keep thinking he is up to something when actually he is not I will loose him? He said he would be in touch and he has.

What are your thoughts now Homegirl 50?

I don't know. Don't play games with him though. You guys are mature adults, tell him what you think. Voice your concerns so that he ca respond. That is the only way you'll know. Don't do it in a confrontational way, but talk to him. Relationships if one person does not trust the other.

Hello

My partner and I have had our first real quarrel.
We have been going out for 2mths and both in our early 50's.
My partner has been having instances of depression due to no job and very little money. I have been helping him by buying a few odds and ends. Last week when I was off work he told me he was going to stay with his parents 2 mile away for a week and would see me today Monday. I said I would pop round his mother's to see him last Friday but then he text me to say they were at the Caravan. Then he text me to say he was back home Saturday gone.

On the Friday before I had a night out with my friends and he was texting me constantly asking what my night was like, what I had on and was I having a good time and did I want to go from a casual friendship to a relationship with him as he really liked me and din't want to loose me. I was only out with the girls.

He then said he would come to mine yesterday (Sunday) to see me. He did but he said he wasn't staying as had been out since 1p.m and had to go home to see to his Border Collie. He came in his father's car knowing that he could get home from mine. Whiuls we were talking he said that he hadn't been at his parents at all and just stayed in his flat all week and never went out due to being depressed and didn't want to speak to anyone. I could not believe he had told me lies and was very annoyed. We then argued and he left my home at 3.a.m.
When he went out of the door I said to him, "You are using me and I do not like you telling me lies about his whereabouts last week"

He text me at 4.00a.m. 1 hr later to say that he was annoyed that ~I had thought he was using me and that I knew he was going home but at 3 a.m. immediately after we had made love?

I didn't reply and then at 10.30 a.m. he asked me to take some shirts over to him I had been stitching buttons on for him.
I was furious and just text saying "When I have time".

He was angry and so was I and he started to say I was moody and stroppy. I replied with how could I trust him in the future and that he always decides when we meet (once a week). Although when he didn't have a car to use he never said "NO" to me going over to take him here there and everywhere.

I was very very hurt and just told him to "FORGET ME" get started in his new job this week, get some money, go back to the gym and then meet a woman he can treat properly. He was absolutely lovely at first wanting to make me happy, not hurting me, him and I being happy together etc etc.

He has never contacted me back. I am gutted as we got on so well and it was him who wanted to commit to the relationship, but now could that also have been a lie??

I do not understand why he told me he was staying at his parents when he was not and kept this up for the whole week when he could have seen me through the week? I now feel such a fool for helping him with food, trainers and a couple of T-shirts and thinking maybe he has not just got me but another woman or women too? However when I didn't get in touch with him last week to give him some space he text me to ask if me and him were all right and was worried.

He is witty, clever, stubborn but he can also be a really lovely guy and deep down he does get very upset after he has been quick with me?

Should I leave things as I have and just wait and see what happens?

He asked for me to take his shirts as an excuse to see me I think but I really don't know?

I am now wondering if the reason why he told me had told me porkys was a way of me telling him to go as a way out?

He also said that the reason he doesn't see me as much as what he does is because I would throw it back at him saying I have bought this and bought that for him so by not keep geeting in touch it makes me feel that he is not using me?

I am really in a turmoil as we are mature adults not kids and this situation has upset me so much?

Can you give me advice please?

I'm assuming this is the same guy.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating...ml#post3300329
I think you need to leave him alone.

Leave him alone permanently or just until he gets his head sorted?

Should I wait for him contacting me first and see what he has to say?

I do think (as you wonder) that you overdid the 'helpful' stuff, spending money on him. I suspect that money is indeed his big worry. Leave him ALONE and let him contact you after his new job starts. Women often don't realize that many men consider the ability to work and provide more important than looks, strength, and sex. Studies have shown that it's number one.

Thank you I will do that however I think as time goes by he will not get in touch in case of rejection.
It was me who said to him by text yesterday to "FORGET ME" so really I made the decision to not see him. After I text that message he said "HE JUST CAN'T WIN WITH ME".

I am a strong independent woman and I don't think he expected me to say that as previously he had said could we just slow down and have a casual relationship and I said yes anything better than nothing at all? So in that instance he was controlling the relationship and me and I just went along with him. I feel you are right though that he is not feeling like a man as has very little money and living of £70 per week. He won't get paid from this new job until December which is not in the next few weeks and then it will take him 4-6mths to get his finances sorted. I am missing him now only a couple of days after the quarrel. But he is a very stubborn Aquarian male and now that I told him to "FORGET ME" in the heat of the moment, I have a feeling that he won't get back to me, as I have hurt him for ending it between us. However when he left me the other night he must have thought about his actions and an hour later at 4a.m. in the morning he got in touch to say, "THAT HE DIDN'T LIKE ME SAYING HE WAS USING ME" and he was out walking his dog as been stuck in the house for 14hrs, obviously letting me know that is the reason he left me in the middle of the night?

I am really upset and gutted now as I know we had more than just a spark as he said so himself on the night we quarrelled.
I want to get in touch with him but I am holding back. Should I or go over to see him face to face to face and sort it all out?

OR STILL LEAVE IT TO HIM TO CONTACT ME?

UMMM... DID you say he was using you??

'Forget me' is passive aggressive. You don't get to tell people what to do, harmless as that sounds. It is fraught with meaning, including a challenge to protest 'no I can't forget you.' The old Bust My Door Down If You Love Me. And obviously you didn't mean it, or you wouldn't be back here asking if you should wait for him to contact you.

I thunk if there is any contact to be made, let him make it. He is the one who lied and started the mess. He is a grown man. If he wants you, if he was really sincere, let him come to you