Hello All,

I'm having some issues with sleeping over at my friends houses, even my best friends! It doesn't matter if it's for a work assignment or whatever! It's just every time I get close to having a sleepover I just get nervous and freak out. The thing is, I'm not scared of meeting new people. I may be a little shy and I have never met my best friends parents. I know, sad. But I get so nervous and find some excuse to call it off. WE were planning on having a sleepover next weekend so we can work on an assignment, but what do I do so I won't feel nervous?

Has she ever slept over at your house yet?

How old are you? How is it that you're going for a sleepover, or allowed to sleepover, when you've never even met the friends parents? I do not allow my children to even go over to play with a friend until I've met the parents.

What is it that makes you nervous about a sleepover? Is it a physical issue, or a medical issue, like wetting the bed? Are you afraid you'll get homesick? Exactly why are you so nervous about a sleepover?

Sleepovers aren't for everyone. Maybe you can just plan to have a late night and get a ride home at midnight or something. Or can you have the sleepover at your house? One thing to help with your anxiety is to realize that you don't have to have sleepovers. I know a lot of parents who don't allow their kids to go to sleepovers and their kids are fine (mad about the policy but they live with it).

The other thing is that most people would feel weird sleeping in a house with a family they don't know. As a parent, I wouldn't allow it either unless I knew the other kid, and knew the parents. Sometimes things feel uncomfortable because we have a sense of what is normal and safe, and sleeping in a house with strangers doesn't feel normal and safe to us. This is a time to trust your gut. Go over for a Saturday afternoon to work on the paper, play over there a few other times, and see if you're comfortable enough in the house and with the other family members to sleep over at some point in the future. For now, I'd say, change the plans to just hanging out during the day or even late and then having your parents come get you before bed.

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Originally Posted by J_9

Has she ever slept over at your house yet?

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No, but she lives out of town. So until now I haven't really had the chance.

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Originally Posted by Alty

How old are you? How is it that you're going for a sleepover, or allowed to sleepover, when you've never even met the friends parents? I do not allow my children to even go over to play with a friend until I've met the parents.

What is it that makes you nervous about a sleepover? Is it a physical issue, or a medical issue, like wetting the bed? Are you afraid you'll get homesick? Exactly why are you so nervous about a sleepover?

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I'm 11.. . My mom is good friends with her parents and I have met them, but its been a few years. She (her mom) sometimes comes to school assembles, and stuff like group meetings.

I'm not sure why, I guess just because.. . Many, very many years ago, (over 2 years ago) There was a fire at my mums work, and every day after that I was scared that I might lose her (my sisters were too) and besides that when I was very little I used to watch t.v. shows and movies and ,occasionally, someone slipped into a coma in their sleep. They scared me that, that would happen t my mom or someone I loved. So then, every night I told them that I loved love, and I told them to have a good night. Ever since it's been a habit I can't break.

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Originally Posted by carebear0550

I'm 11. . . . My mom is good friends with her parents and I have met them, but its been a few years. She (her mom) sometimes comes to school assembles, and stuff like group meetings.

I'm not sure why, I guess just because. . . Many, very many years ago, (over 2 years ago) There was a fire at my mums work, and every day after that I was scared that I might lose her (my sisters were too) and besides that when I was very little I used to watch t.v. shows and movies and ,occasionally, someone slipped into a coma in their sleep. They scared me that, that would happen t my mom or someone I loved. So then, every night I told them that I loved love, and I told them to have a good night. Ever since it's been a habit I can't break.

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Have you ever told your mom about your fears? I think counseling would help you with them.

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Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

Sleepovers aren't for everyone. Maybe you can just plan to have a late night and get a ride home at midnight or something. Or can you have the sleepover at your house? One thing to help with your anxiety is to realize that you don't have to have sleepovers. I know a lot of parents who don't allow their kids to go to sleepovers and their kids are fine (mad about the policy but they live with it).

The other thing is that most people would feel weird sleeping in a house with a family they don't know. As a parent, I wouldn't allow it either unless I knew the other kid, and knew the parents. Sometimes things feel uncomfortable because we have a sense of what is normal and safe, and sleeping in a house with strangers doesn't feel normal and safe to us. This is a time to trust your gut. Go over for a Saturday afternoon to work on the paper, play over there a few other times, and see if you're comfortable enough in the house and with the other family members to sleep over at some point in the future. For now, I'd say, change the plans to just hanging out during the day or even late and then having your parents come get you before bed.

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I can't have it at my house. (Already asked) My mom said that we could do it until late but.. . She doesn't get off until late. Also, I have a (5 but right now there is 3, 2 moved away) sisters and it's a hassle to get them all ready. My mum would leave them alone but some of my 2 of my sisters don't get along, and we don't have a regular babysitter that goes until late, my dad is WAY out of the question. So besides that we have to make a video and we were going to do it at night (really late) with flashlights to make it a scary affect.


The thing is, like I said they live out of town and we wanted to do a creepy night affect (Scary story/video) Also, my mom doesn't get home until late and the weekend is the only time any of us are free, and actually the only person in her family I don't know is her dog, and her step-dad.

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Originally Posted by Alty

Have you ever told your mom about your fears? I think counseling would help you with them.

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Yeah she knows, about them. It was hard asking her if we could work on it on a weekend, because I'm not overly popular, and I'm one of those people who like to go on wild adventures (travelling, seeing exotic things) but if I have to go somewhere close, I like to be at home. I love home.

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Originally Posted by carebear0550

Yeah she knows, about them. It was hard asking her if we could work on it on a weekend, because I'm not overly popular, and I'm one of those people who like to go on wild adventures (travelling, seeing exotic things) but if I have to go somewhere close, I like to be at home. I love home.

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Kiddo, I completely understand. When I was a child I would get a stomach ache at the thought of sleeping over an anyone's house. I would obsess about all the things that could go wrong while I wasn't at home. Turns out I have OCD.

It really sounds like you're dealing with a lot more than just a fear of sleeping over. Counseling would really help you a lot, it would help you deal with the fears you have.

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Originally Posted by Alty

Kiddo, I completely understand. When I was a child I would get a stomach ache at the thought of sleeping over an anyone's house. I would obsess about all the things that could go wrong while I wasn't at home. Turns out I have OCD.

It really sounds like you're dealing with a lot more than just a fear of sleeping over. Counseling would really help you alot, it would help you deal with the fears you have.

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OCD? Explain please.

Counseling, what kind of counseling? Like a therapist?

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Originally Posted by Alty

Kiddo, I completely understand. When I was a child I would get a stomach ache at the thought of sleeping over an anyone's house. I would obsess about all the things that could go wrong while I wasn't at home. Turns out I have OCD.

It really sounds like you're dealing with a lot more than just a fear of sleeping over. Counseling would really help you alot, it would help you deal with the fears you have.

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How would I find out if I have OCD?
I found the answer to my what is OCD question at this website:
http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/OCD.html

If you read it, In paragraph three, it says something about rituals, do you know what kind of rituals and if they'd help me?
How did you find out you had OCD?
Is it treatable?
Is it treatable with pills, medicine, surgery? (Anything to avoid surgery.. . Some people never make it out of surgery I don't want to go into surgery and never come out.)
How do you handle OCD/ cope?
Will what you do to cope help me in any way?

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Originally Posted by carebear0550

OCD? Explain please.

Counseling, what kind of counseling? Like a therapist?

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OCD is obsessive compulsive disorder.

I have a mild form, and I believe you may as well. An example of my OCD. When I was 11, we got a dog, a poodle. I had begged for another dog for years. Well, when we got him all I did was worry about him dying. I would tell myself "I'm 11, he's new, dogs live for around 12 years, so I won't have to deal with his death until I'm at least 23". While I was at school I would repeat in my head "Silver is going to be okay, Silver is going to live a long healthy life". I was completely obsessed with the thought of the pain of losing him, so much so that I didn't enjoy him being alive. I couldn't, I was too worried about his death.

You're obsessed with something happening to your mom, so much so that you're afraid to sleep over at a friends house because of it.

So yes, therapy, that's what I'd recommend.

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Originally Posted by carebear0550

How would I find out if I have OCD?
I found the answer to my what is OCD question at this website:
http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/OCD.html

If you read it, In paragraph three, it says something about rituals, do you know what kind of rituals and if they'd help me?
How did you find out you had OCD?
Is it treatable?
Is it treatable with pills, medicine, surgery? (Anything to avoid surgery. . . Some people never make it out of surgery I don't want to go into surgery and never come out.)
How do you handle OCD/ cope?
Will what you do to cope help me in any way?

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There are different levels of OCD. Some people have OCD to the point where they can't even leave the house, they can't function at all, their disorder completely takes over their lives.

Others, like me, live with it, get counseling for it, and learn to work around it.

There is medication, but not all people with OCD need to be medicated. I don't.

No surgery. OCD is a mental disorder, not a physical one.

Having said all that, I'm not diagnosing you with OCD. I can't do that. You'd have to see a doctor, or a therapist to figure out if that's what you have. I'm just seeing a few things in what you write that leads me to think you have a mild form of OCD.

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Originally Posted by Alty

OCD is obsessive compulsive disorder.

I have a mild form, and I believe you may as well. An example of my OCD. When I was 11, we got a dog, a poodle. I had begged for another dog for years. Well, when we got him all I did was worry about him dying. I would tell myself "I'm 11, he's new, dogs live for around 12 years, so I won't have to deal with his death until I'm at least 23". While I was at school I would repeat in my head "Silver is going to be okay, Silver is going to live a long healthy life". I was completely obsessed with the thought of the pain of losing him, so much so that I didn't enjoy him being alive. I couldn't, I was too worried about his death.

You're obsessed with something happening to your mom, so much so that you're afraid to sleep over at a friends house because of it.

So yes, therapy, that's what I'd recommend.

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I live in Balgonie, and my mom works until late like I said, so is there some sort of therapy in Balgonie. I couldn't really make it if it was weekdays but maybe if it was on weekends.
How much does it cost?
Does it cost anything?
I don't want it to cost up to hundreds of dollars because then I might trouble my mom. I really don't want to trouble or stress out my mom. Or any of my family because knowing them they'd pay it for me, and I don't want to trouble them with my disorder. I don't want to make it a big deal if I have it.

Your making me feel nervous and my stomach feels tight. I really don't want to be diagnosed with disorder/ disease.

I just finished page two of this website:
http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/OCD.html#
and when it says this:

These compulsions are the most common among kids and teens:

grooming rituals, including hand washing, showering, and teeth brushing
repeating rituals, including going in and out of doorways, needing to move through spaces in a special way, or rereading, erasing, and rewriting
checking rituals to make sure that an appliance is off or a door is locked, and repeatedly checking homework
rituals to undo contact with a "contaminated" person or object
touching rituals
rituals to prevent harming self or others
ordering or arranging objects
counting rituals
hoarding and collecting things of no apparent value
cleaning rituals related to the house or other items

When I got to the second last one I realized that that one was me. I keep things in my room that my sister asks if she can throw away because she sees no use in it. I keep boxes from toys and monster high dolls, that my sisters ask all the time "Do you really need this" I always reply that "Everything has sentimental value to me, and they are could keepsake memories"

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Originally Posted by Alty

Having said all that, I'm not diagnosing you with OCD. I can't do that. You'd have to see a doctor, or a therapist to figure out if that's what you have. I'm just seeing a few things in what you write that leads me to think you have a mild form of OCD.

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Well, how do I just tell someone I think I have OCD?
I could talk to the school nurse.. . But I'm scared she will laugh at me.
And I also don't want to take away time from my mom working. Time, is money. And I don't want to be wasting time when she could be making money. Time is not something that we can be wasting because your time could be wasting away in to death and then you will be no more!!

It's not a disease, it's a disorder. The fact that you're worrying this much about the possibility of having this disorder, is reason enough to go to therapy.

You need therapy, and that's really all I can say. Yes, it will cost money, unless the area you live in, or your mom's work, has a program where you can get therapy for free. Either way, you need help dealing with your thoughts, because they are making you very nervous.

Time is money, you're right, but, right now you're wasting your time worrying about every little thing, and in the end it will cost you money, unless you get it under control.

Get therapy, find out if you have OCD or something else, and get the help you need.

How do I find out if I actually have this disorder??
How do I talk or tell somebody that I think I have OCD?
It's not something I can easily explain to my mom.. . I could talk to a trusted teacher or the school nurse, but how do I bring it up?

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Originally Posted by carebear0550

How do I find out if I actually have this disorder???
How do I talk or tell somebody that I think I have OCD?
It's not something I can easily explain to my mom. . . I could talk to a trusted teacher or the school nurse, but how do I bring it up?

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That's something you have to figure out.

How do you find out if you have OCD? Therapy.

How do you talk to or tell somebody that you have OCD? Mom, I obsess about everything, I can't sleep over at a friends house because your office had a fire once and now I'm afraid to leave the house, and I watch movies where people don't wake up and I'm afraid because of that, and I think I may have OCD. I need to get this under control".

If you can't talk to your mom, who loves you, than talk to the school nurse. If she believes that this needs to be investigated further she'll recommend therapy to your mom.

That's all the advice I can give you about this. The rest is up to you, therefore I will no longer post on this thread. Your question has been answered to the best of my ability.

Good luck.

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Originally Posted by Alty

That's something you have to figure out.

How do you find out if you have OCD? Therapy.






How do you talk to or tell somebody that you have OCD? Mom, I obsess about everything, I can't sleep over at a friends house because your office
had a fire once and now I'm afraid to leave the house, and I watch movies where people don't wake up and I'm afraid because of that, and I think I
may have OCD. I need to get this under control".

If you can't talk to your mom, who loves you, than talk to the school nurse. If she believes that this needs to be investigated further she'll recommend therapy to your mom.

That's all the advice I can give you about this. The rest is up to you, therefore I will no longer post on this thread. Your question has been answered to the best of my ability.

Good luck.

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Okay thank you.