Why cant I get over my child's mother?
>edited for clarity -WG<
All right, we broke up in October last year, but we lived together for months after so things were pretty much the same. We still argued, did things as a family, went out, had sex, pretty much everything... but there was a distance between us.. We broke up because I was online showing naked pics of myself.
If I'm going to tell it I have to tell it all. It was a very shameful & embarrassing moment and I try to forget about it but the fact remains that I did it. Now my reason for being is because I had fallen into a deep depression from the relationship. I had in-law problems. After dealing with so much drama from her mama since our daughter was born, we were forced to move in with her mom or vice versa... also over the time a friend lived with us for some months... relatives were always over and I was helping her take care of her brother's son.
Then at one point we moved in a house we were renting. I was stoked about being in A HOUSE and having more space and having my family which by the way.. up until the Internet situation I was faithful. But I was excited and as soon as we moved, her uncle and brother moved in AT THE SAME DAMN TIME. I was upset. We argued... we actually broke up for a little time for the arguments about them. Then months down the road, here comes her mom and her boyfriend... whom I do not know... so at this point I hate my life.
She never had time to hang with me. I got off from work, walked straight into my man cave and I would be there all night... I would then watch porn because our sex life sucked... then I see the ads about getting girls.. and I knew a place to try and so I did... down the line, I felt horrible... asked God to forgive and I wouldn't do it again... things were getting patched between us..
I made my promise and kept it but she didn't know until she saw an email in my phone. And that was it. I never been the type to do such a thing. I caught myself and realized what I was doing before she caught it.. but it didn't matter... so fast forward.
May came and things really turned sour. I ended up moving in June and I can't get over this. I was attempting to and just started to get her out of my head and here she comes and we're having sex. So I ask her where to from here? And she said she is "kinda" with somebody... crushed my heart... because I knew she had a friend... but to be in this predicament is the worst feeling.
She said she is not with him and she is having second thoughts about starting anything serious with him. Meaning there were first thoughts. And I'm stuck like I'm not trying to force her to be with me.. but if she is having sex with me... she doesn't want to be with him... she tells me she doesn't know how she feels about me... when I KNOW she love me... She tells me she wants to continue having sex as long as she not with him and we'll see what happens with us.
Now finally my question.. do you think she is dragging me along for nothing? And I don't want to be in here thinking about her anymore consuming my thoughts and time so how can I get over her? All day I think about her I wake up and feel cold and lonely inside and I think about her with someone else and I break down. I want to get over her but I don't know what to expect from her right now. She can be unpredictable at moments like this. I want to just turn away from it but a part of me feels like she is going to be back. I don't know. Help me out.
