My son hates me, he tells me so all the time at 20 he is telling me that I am trying to keep him trapped in this house, yet I put him in catholic schools all his life sacrificing anything I could have wanted, in order for him to succes, I sat with him and helped him do his homework for most of his life, I got tutors for him when he was struggling in certain subjects, He wanted for nothing in his life, I loved him and caared for him, I am by no means perfect, but I believe I tried. I have taken his car away because I am the only person working in my house and he has crashed the car 3 times, he also got 2 red light tickets which I can not pay for the car and insurance are in my name, my husband has not worked for 2 years, and I have a 14 year old which I am still raising they are brothers. He says I made all the wrong decisions in his life. I took him to college and he registered and dropped out, I went with him again, and he dropped out again. I am at my witts end, I am falling apart.

He is 20, he is not a child, you don't "take him to college" he either goes and signs up, or he does not go.

You stop treating him NOW like he is 15,

He is a adult, so let him start being one. Let him start looking for a job, let him start paying rent. What type of retrictions is on him for going out, staying out at night and so on ?
At 20, normally he is or should be free to go out when he wants, if he is out all night, just call and tell, ( not ask permission)

Does he do his own laundry, does he have duties around the house?

Time to start being tough love. Go out and get a job and start paying rent, or get into school, or expect to be kicked out of the house. That is the normal choice parents give their kids.