I have been married for almost 12 years, and we have two children together. In those 12 years, he has never really been an affectionate person. Don't get me wrong, he is a good man, and a great father, but towards me, he has never really shown real love and affection. I know it is my own fault for putting up with it for all these years, but it has now come to the point where I can't handle it any more. I have also met someone who treats me as if I am the most precious thing on the face of the earth. We haven't slept together, nor even made an attempt to. We are only friends. But I know that there is something more. I actually go weak at the knees and start to shake when I hear his voice. I have spoken to my husband about what I feel is missing in our relationship, and he has told me that he is the way he is. He says that he will try harder, and doesn't want to lose me, but he is also not willing to fight for me. Is this emotion I am feeling for the other guy just a reaction because of the way he treats me, I don't know. All I know is I don't know if I still want to be married to my husband anymore.
Can anyone help.

No one person will offer us everything in life, so when we marry then meet someone who does the things on our wish list that our spouse doesn't, it's pretty intoxicating. The thing with marriage is though, you've already made the decision that you would accept your husband for what he does give to your life, not fault him for what he does not offer.

I would think just about anyone, at times, would develop a crush here and there even if they are married. The point of the marriage is that it's a decision not to act on such impulses, and instead to continue turning back to the marriage. Think about what this other man does for you, and whether there's a way - an appropriate way - you can add that to your life without an offense to your relationship with your husband. If you need more conversation, many women turn to their female friends, faith groups, book groups, etc. to have those conversations instead of expecting their husband's to have them. If you need more physical pampering, maybe you need to start getting your nails done, or go for massages on a routine basis.

With your husband, it will be really important to be specific because if you just say, "you're not affectionate enough" or "you don't show your feelings for me enough", he may not even know what he's supposed to do. If you tell him, "you used to hold my hand in movies - I miss that". Or, "remember when we used to just make out for a really long time - now it's a quick kiss on the way out the door. I want a good, old-fashioned make-out session". Instead of feeling criticized, he'll hear you saying, "I want more of you", and he'll be like, "make out with a girl? Yeah - I can handle that one!"

This is what they mean when they say that you stick together through the tough times. This part is the commitment. Work through it, and your marriage will keep meaning more and more to you.

The grass is always greener when you start looking. So stop looking, break contact with another man, if he is making you want to leave your husband. Giving him a second thought crossed the line,

You try marriage counseling, learn to communicate and learn to learn that we all "love" in different ways and we have to learn to appreciate what is there that we often over look also