Hi I'm new to the site I been seeking advice about why men won't see his children Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one this is happening too but here's my ? And story I been on and off with the father of my kids almost 10 yrs I'm 28 he's 32 our kids are 7 and 8 he has never been there for them through out these years has seen them a couple of times... but still manages to want to see me only every time I ask him when is he coming to see his children he makes excuses he only wants to see me alone.. we have been basically been keeping a sexual relationship... and I am tired of the same situation and excuses he gives me he does pay child support but not enough money! I don't know what to do anymore he constantly vanishes for about 3-8 months and calls ME like nothing not even having any concern about his kids my kids Don't really ask about him but it hurts that He won't have anything to do with them I've tried losing all types of connection with him but somehow I'm back to square 1 all over again I constantly ask him to come see his children he makes promises and nothing! And because of this whole situation I haven't been able to move on with my Love life I feel stuck waiting on him! Most of my friends that were going through something similar have already left their kids father in the past and moved on with someone else I just don't know what to do help! I'm willing to take any advice! Thank you

This is happening because you allow it and let it happen. You are the one to blame, he sees you as a cheap or free booty call. Most likely goes backs and laughs about it with his friends.

This is not common and I only see it normally among a ethnic group and often within a economic group of that ethnic group. While it happens some other places it is not wide spread at all.

You error is not saying no, and thinking it is your job to get him to see the kids.
What type of example is this for the kids, now they think women are a cheap or free booty call, that they can have kids and have no responisility. You are sitting a very very poor example for the kids to follow. One parent should at least have morals and set and show values to the kids.

Is child support set by the courts ? My guess will be no, and if it is, why not take him back to court, get a garnishment of his paycheck so you get your money.

Stop begging and start taking, get garnishment though court for your child support,
Stop spreading your legs when he comes around, and don't beg him to come.

If he wants nothing to do with the kids, the kids are better off without a dead beat dad who uses women as a sex machine as an example

You are very right about me being a "booty call" to him But I don't agree with you that I'm setting a bad example towards my kids because my kids DO NOT see him at all! They haven't really seen him since the time we moved out his place. Yet alone know that he sometimes comes by to see me the kids are no where involved when he's around... I've done everything for my kids basically by myself with no ones help me and my children live alone... I'm very independent not the type of female that is on welfare... I thank god I have a job and am continuing with school... And yes child support is through the courts.. when it comes to my children's money I did go all the way with a lawyer.. He's on probation for 10 yrs until my children turn 18! And yes I agree I do need to stop "begging" him to come see his kids.. Thanks for responding

OF course, your kids will know that he is coming to see you, not them, and by their teens they will know that it is a booty call. The boys will learn that a man can have kids and not be held liable, since I will assume he is not being forced to pay child support though courts.

For girls, you are showing them, it is accepted to be the "babies momma" and give it anytime the baby daddy takes his pants off.

This is why the next generation will be the same way. If he was being seen in court, being held liable for payments, It is up to you to change it all.

If you don't have the resolve to keep him out of the bedroom when he shows up, then don't let him in the house. Meet in a park, a MacD's, a movie.
In a way it's worse to have him there just for sex, because the kids can sense that he isn't there for them. Your job isn't to get him to see them, but to teach them well without badmouthing him. They will search him out when they are older.

Excluding the whole sex part of this relationship.. I feel like I'm trying to give him a second chance to see his kids but he won't take it my kids are getting older! I always tell my family if he ever comes looking for my kids when their in their teens I won't allow him in their lives! I have given this man so many options for him to come see my kids I have even suggested for him to pick up my kids for an hr and for him to take them to MCD'S he agrees but won't do it!
I think I'm still trying to hold on to him, because he is the father of my kids and I just can't see myself having children with another man like many other women who remarry and have 2-3 different baby daddies I refuse to be that type of woman...
I'm trying my very hardest to not engage with him at all I have blocked his number through my phone company where he can't call or send any texts a month has past by And I'm starting to build up a lot more anger to keep this going. I don't want to spend another year waiting and begging him to see my kids or keep maintaining a sexual relationship with him! But thanks for responding,,

Dear Sophie,
I feel for you but really and truly you need to get him out of your life. You need to begin to affirm yourself and empower yourself and realise that you don't need him and nor do your children. Try reading You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. It will help. And know that as soon as you begin to say resolve to be done with him your life will be changed in that very second. The hard part is keeping your resolution but one day at a time and it will happen. You will never have room in your life and heart for love when you are undermining yourself with him. Set yourself free and open your heart. Good luck x.