Just recently me and my girlfriend had a break for 3 weeks due to reasons of insecurities and trust issues as mentioned in my other question (My girlfriend wants space, is this the end?). Now we are back together as from last Thursday and we have had a couple of talks about what needs to change and the future of our relationship etc... I understand what needs to be done and have been addressing the problems which I am still working on but I feel a lot more confident about them and I am proud with the progress I have made including in not having a problem with how she has had a male who I know and get on with stay over her house during the break and that she has been on a night out with him the day after we got back together and that he goes round to do uni work because they are on the same course and I know they are just platonic friends. This is something that I would most likely have had a problem with before and would have looked into it too much and been insecure but I' am pleased of my progress and attitude so I am a lot more positive in that sense.

The problem that there is now is that I stayed over at hers last night. We had a very close night together, watching a funny film, having a drink, relaxing and just cuddling on the sofa with candles lit. It was a very nice night with a lot of familiar smells and feelings hitting the senses and it was the most the relaxed I have been for over 3 weeks. Afterwards when we went to bed we cuddled a little bit and I did try to initiate some intimacy as I was thinking with my heart after such a good night, I wanted to consummate that and make love but it didn't have the reaction I would have hoped and I'am realizing that I should have thought with my head first before my heart again. She had a bit of a rant at me and told me that I had disrespected her... I might have but it was unintentional and I only meant it for the best in a loving way. I got a little emotional as I was already under a lot of stress due to the situation as a whole and I was worried that I had just screwed it up.

Eventually we ended the night cuddling still and we went to sleep cuddling. The next day started fine, we had a bit of a laugh as we do, a cuddle, a kiss and she made me some food etc.. etc..
Then later on we got into conversation about the nights events and she got a bit emotional and then said that she is worried that she has made the wrong decision in getting back with me and that again she suddenly does not know what she wants because she wants to take it slow which I understand and I know that perhaps I rushed into things with a bit of pressure which is typical for me to run in with my heart on my sleeve. Now I' am besides myself with worry that I'm going to lose her all over again just because of an innocent mistake that happened in the heat of the moment while just wanting her love.

Im struggling to know what to think about it and when she said we'l give it a couple of weeks with a step back to see if it feels right again, I'm livid with the worry that it will come to nothing. Im trying to stay positive and take it a bit with a pinch of salt for the both of us but I'm worried about what she's thinking. Its odd though because we do have plans that we both agreed with and what some was her idea. Im seeing her tomorrow evening to go out with some friends, we have plans for halloween such as going out and we are going to our favourite theme park for bonfire night with a load of friends so surely there is hope for us and that is what I'am trying to keep thinking and also what I have told her to think because I've come to think that only a bad thing will come out of thinking negative but a good thing will come out of being positive.

I would like to hear other peoples opinions on this and whether you think I am being too overly concerned or not and I would like some advice on how to approach this.

Thank you

Any thoughts anyone? Please.

How long have you both been together before you broke up? Her having 2nd thoughts on the reunion isn't unusual, because obviously you broke up for reasons. You don't have to worry that you acting out for wanting to have sex would be the reason for her to have doubts. These doubts would crop up in her mind one way or the other anyway if it isn't right for her.

Rekindling a broken relationship requires serious work and commitment from both sides, and more importantly the whole heart needs to be in it. Unfortunately from the sounds of it her heart isn't in it.

It means exactly that when she says she wants to give it a try for a couple of weeks to see if it feels right again. Enjoy them, and just be yourself around her, don't force anything and focus on renewed bonding.

I wouldn't get your hopes up too high though, as she seems to have serious doubts...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by bigNavySeal

How long have you both been together before you broke up? Her having 2nd thoughts on the reunion isn't unusual, because obviously you broke up for reasons. You don't have to worry that you acting out for wanting to have sex would be the reason for her to have doubts. These doubts would crop up in her mind one way or the other anyways if it isn't right for her.

Rekindling a broken relationship requires serious work and commitment from both sides, and more importantly the whole heart needs to be in it. Unfortunately from the sounds of it her heart isn't in it.

It means exactly that when she says she wants to give it a try for a couple of weeks to see if it feels right again. Enjoy them, and just be yourself around her, don't force anything and focus on renewed bonding.

I wouldn't get your hopes up too high though, as she seems to have serious doubts...

---

We were together for almost 2 years. I do worry its because of me trying to initiate intimacy because the night before was great and it was us again but as soon as I did try it on then that's when she switched. I feel a lot of negativity from her now. Im hurting really bad but I'm trying to stay strong for her. Ive given this relationship everything and given my all to rebuild it again and I still am.

I love her so much and I would do anything for her but a part of me feels like I'm slowly being pushed out the door again :(

I read your last post just to get the full story. Seriously if she is telling you to "STOP!" on a night out with friends, that's just not okay. It's about priorities and I know if I ever did that to my partner he would be gone in 2 seconds. 2 years is too long together to be suspiciously not answering your partner who is at home while they are out partying. My honest opinion (As a female) is that she is abusing your trust and because you don't let her get away with it, she breaks it off which isn't fair. Honestly, get out of there, it will hurt, but if she is truly in love with you she will try and get you back, won't she? You shouldn't ever have to be sorry for feeling insecure when your partner is out with other people. It's natural. And the fact you found those texts and she gets angry at YOU? She was the one with the texts! And how is making love to your partner of 2 years disrespecting her when you clearly need to gain eachothers trust, it's a perfect way. Anyway, I'm ranting but I think she needs to make it up to you, not the other way around, so I would suggest letting the text messages die down to a minimum and then see if she initiates and works on the problem too, it can't all be left up to you to "Sort yourself out" She needs to respect you and be considerate enough to tell you where she is/what she's doing/who she's with etc to build trust.

Emily Rae.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Emily Rae

I read your last post just to get the full story. Seriously if she is telling you to "STOP!" on a night out with friends, thats just not okay. It's about priorities and i know if i ever did that to my partner he would be gone in 2 seconds. 2 years is too long together to be suspiciously not answering your partner who is at home while they are out partying. My honest opinion (As a female) is that she is abusing your trust and because you don't let her get away with it, she breaks it off which isn't fair. Honestly, get out of there, it will hurt, but if she is truly in love with you she will try and get you back, won't she? You shouldn't ever have to be sorry for feeling insecure when your partner is out with other people. It's natural. And the fact you found those texts and she gets angry at YOU? She was the one with the texts! And how is making love to your partner of 2 years disrespecting her when you clearly need to gain eachothers trust, its a perfect way. Anyway, i'm ranting but i think she needs to make it up to you, not the other way around, so i would suggest letting the text messages die down to a minimum and then see if she initiates and works on the problem too, it can't all be left up to you to "Sort yourself out" She needs to respect you and be considerate enough to tell you where she is/what shes doing/who shes with etc to build trust.

Emily Rae.

---

Well that's it, she dumped me. I text her yesterday daytime basically saying to keep her chin up and to think positive while not letting any silly doubts get in the way, to forget the badtimes and move forward and that I also need her willingness to work for the relationship as well as just mine and then she rang me saying that I shouldn't text her because I had text her enough that day even though we were having a conversation and she said it was furthering her doubts and then we went out with a couple of friends getting something to eat and out for the evening etc.. And she wouldn't make any eye contact with me all night and she was off with me. Then when she drops me off home, with her two friends in the car she gets out and tells me it not working, I try to say my piece to her as I am so confused about it as really I've done nothing any normal person would see as bad, so she stands there and rips me to shreds without even a flicker or a tear in her eye and then just leaves me in the street.

Im so heart broken and I thought it was going well. All of it just because I tried to initiate some intimacy with her to consummate the love and getting back together when I went around the other night and because I text her trying to be supportive and loving. She's completely torn my heart out for the 2nd time with no remorse and she ended it in such a cowardly and humiliating way, leaving it until after we had been out and in front of her mates. I never thought she could be like that and I saw a side to her that I thought didn't exist.

How can a person who I fall in love with that used to be so loving and caring and didn't pick at me for everything I do or say turn into someone that can be so cold and heartless. Ive realized that she is not the same person anymore. She used to be in her eyes overweight and she had insecurities herself but I stayed with her and always supported her through everything being very loving and now since she has lost weight and gained back confidence it has turned her into someone else, now she is going through a career change and has more friends she has thrown me to the wolves like she doesn't need me anymore.

I have always been there for her and been a very loving person but I feel like I lost the women I love a while ago and had a women replace her that has become distant, unappreciative and cruel with no understanding and disregard for any emotion or love I give to her.

People I have spoken to have said to me that I'm better off without her and that she has chosen a cowards way out, finding any excuse to leave me and picking at me and if I had stayed with her I would always have been treading egg shells and towing her line and that's exactly how it became, it was her way or the highway and if I did anything that stepped out of line to her whether it be concern for something or even just general love giving she would find it in her to push negativity onto the situation and rip me apart.

... continued--->

She has become the people that she always hated that walked all over her in the past. I have put my all in this relationship and fought for her on any occasion and I shared my heart with her. I hope she is happy now and I hope that she finds someone that she thinks is what she wants which from what I see is exactly the people she was with before and if she does find someone loving and caring like I have been, then I hope she acts towards him a lot better than she has to me because the next person might not be so understanding but to be honest I hope she finds someone opposite to me because I think that would be the only way to help her realize how I was a nice loving guy and what she has lost. I just don't see how a person who is supportive to someone who has just been through a break up such as the guy that is always round hers at the moment can then inflict the same heart break and damage to the person that they supposedly love.

I' am a mess now at the moment after suffering two heart breaks from the same women in a matter of 4 weeks. I love and I miss her so much and I just want her to see what she has become and how she's changed and that she needs to sort herself out and change herself instead of attempting to mould and change others that are only trying to be by her side as a supporting and loving partner otherwise she will only hurt again.

I' am now starting the healing process... again and I just hope that after some time I can find someone that loves me for who I am and appreciates my loving side instead of abusing it and that doesn't block herself from me and keep me at arms length while demanding changes and dictating problems at me like I'm the bad guy, and I know I will look the bad guy and everyone will feel so sorry for her and that because she's got a shell of what looks like a lovely person who is supportive and that's all anyone see's until they get with her. That is all I want, a loving girlfriend that a relationship is easy with.

I have a lot of good memories with her that I will hold on too dearly and I love her but I suppose now this is for the best.

Thank you all for reading my problems and giving advice to them, it has been very helpful and I will take it forward into future relationships. At the end of the day though from I've seen it would seem that treating them mean to keep them keen would proberly be a good angle from.

Thank you

I'm sorry to hear that it turned out this way for you. It sounds like you did all you can to make it work. You never know what will happen in the future, but I bet she will come to you again. This time, you have to be firm and not give in. be her friend, but nothing more. The ironic thing is by the time she realizes what she has lost, you will have found another already.

I myself am going through a hard time like this, and I know I should take my own advice, but it's a hell of a lot easier telling some one to do something than to actually doing it!

Good luck to you man.

She'll regret it when she ends up with someone who doesn't treat her with the respect you did then she will think "OMG what have i done!" but by that time you will have a loving girlfriend and a wonderful relationship. Be thankful you aren't being toyed around with anymore. I'm sorry it ended but you will find better, someone who appreciates your love.

Good luck

Emily Rae

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Emily Rae

She'll regret it when she ends up with someone who doesn't treat her with the respect you did then she will think "OMG what have i done!" but by that time you will have a loving girlfriend and a wonderful relationship. Be thankful you aren't being toyed around with anymore. I'm sorry it ended but you will find better, someone who appreciates your love.

Good luck

Emily Rae

---

Im really struggling. Ive heard nothing from her since that night. I know the way she did it was abit questionable and that she's blown it all out of proportion but I still love her and I want her back still. I just want to put all if this behind us and to chill out together. We have so much together and have normally been an awesome couple. If we just relaxed abit I know we could be awesome again. There's things that both of us need to understand but I just want her back. I just don't know how to go about it, thoughts on it, or is there really no chance at all and all hope is really gone. I love her so much and I would run across town in the rain if it meant she would be with me :(

There is always hope. BUT you need to take some time out, not to think about her but to think about yourself and what you NEED in the relationship. You can't get back with her and it happen again, it will become a cycle that destroys both of you anyway. Think about what you would need to change e.g Telling you where and who she's with on a night out because she has to have her priorities straight. Then if you still think you need her and think you have a chance together then call her, meet up and discuss it. If she can't give you that reassurance then I would advise you to leave it and heal away from her because it will just happen again and again. I know you love her but she needs to give a little back to you, even if the rest of the relationship is great. Be firm with her and tell her what you need. DO NOT beg, she will just take advantage of it.

Good luck,

Emily Rae

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Emily Rae

There is always hope. BUT you need to take some time out, not to think about her but to think about yourself and what you NEED in the relationship. You can't get back with her and it happen again, it will become a cycle that destroys both of you anyway. Think about what you would need to change e.g Telling you where and who she's with on a night out because she has to have her priorities straight. Then if you still think you need her and think you have a chance together then call her, meet up and discuss it. If she can't give you that reassurance then i would advise you to leave it and heal away from her because it will just happen again and again. I know you love her but she needs to give a little back to you, even if the rest of the relationship is great. Be firm with her and tell her what you need. DO NOT beg, she will just take advantage of it.

Good luck,

Emily Rae

---

I think this is it to be honest. I feel like I'm fast losing a grip on everything and everyone I've gained the past 2 yrs. Even friends on fb have started deleting me. I don't know what I did to deserve this I really don't. One of her mates says that she is never going to text me. I can't bring myself to text her though because I'm scared of what she would say and her reaction. Ive lost all hope now. She has well and truly gone. It hurts so much when the women you love and who you have always been there for and been loving, just don't want anything to do with you anymore. What can make someone just push away someone that has always been loving to them. I look at photos of her from recently and I look at photos of her a long time ago and in the more recent ones, I just don't see her anymore, its someone else, and then I look at the older photos and I can see such a loving, caring person who I can see is her.

I just want to move on now I really do but its so hard but I also really want her to realize who I am and what she has thrown away because I consider myself a nice guy who just wants to love someone and have someone love me back with the same respect. Its going to leave marks on me this whole experience and I can't help but feel damaged. I feel an overwhelming sense of loss and emptiness as though a fire that was inside me has been distinguished.

I miss her so much :(

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by snakenath

I just want to move on now i really do but its so hard but i also really want her to realize who iam and what she has thrown away because i consider myself a nice guy who just wants to love someone and have someone love me back with the same respect. Its going to leave marks on me this whole experience and i can't help but feel damaged. I feel an overwhelming sense of loss and emptiness as though a fire that was inside me has been distinguished.

I miss her so much :(

---

Yes, it is hard and I don't understand the whole 'get friends involved' thing. Move on, someone that treats you like that isn't worth it. Examine your relationship together and see if she was in it for you or if you were the only one in love. You deserve better, forget her and her friends and one day when your happy and with someone who respects you she will try to crawl back because she will have been hurt by guys less caring then you, ignore it and think of yourself. Yes you are heartbroken, however, better now then having her hurt you later. You miss the OLD her, the one that loved you back, she has obviously changed so hold onto the nice memories but move on from her and find someone who can treat you with a bit more respect. I really hate how girls do this, throw away people who ACTUALLY love them UGH! But you will find someone better, promise :)


Emily Rae.