Why is it that men are so cold and/or mean to women once they sleep with them? Also why is it that men treat women worse when they know they love and care for them almost unconditionally and are there for them no matter what. Why do these women get treated worse than women who act like they don't want to be bothered? Sometimes the women start not giving them any time or day; and once they do the men start dogging them out. What 's up with that? I understand the "challenge" thing; but when mean women hurt their feelings in the end; they are ready to treat other women they meet horribly. Then men have the nerve to complain that women are goldiggers and have issues, or only want men who don't want them. Why is it that the nicer women get dogged out just because we let our guard down and start showing our feelings towards a man?:confused:

We are very complicated creatures. We all act differently. Best to get to know us before going to far.

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Originally Posted by Kia

Why is it that men are so cold and/or mean to women once they sleep with them? Also why is it that men treat women worse when they know they love and care for them almost unconditionally and are there for them no matter what. Why do these women get treated worse than women who act like they don't want to be bothered? Sometimes the women start out not giving them any time or day; and once they do the men start dogging them out. What 's up with that? I understand the "challenge" thing; but when mean women hurt their feelings in the end; they are ready to treat other women they meet horribly. Then men have the nerve to complain that women are goldiggers and have issues, or only want men who don't want them. Why is it that the nicer women get dogged out just because we let our guard down and start showing our feelings towards a man?:confused:

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KIA KIA KIA, My dear,

First of all you are lumping all men in one category. That is a no no. That is not fair or right of you because you have had a bad experience. Your post tells me that you think all men are the same, which they are not. Things do not always change after making love, but if it did for you obvously you were not with the right person. As far as women are concerned some, not all are in it for the money. That is a fact. Just like some, not all men are in it for sex, but to lump everybody together in one big crap pile is not right of you. So what is your question exactly, what was your situation that caused you to hurt so much and lash out. This is what this board and website is for is to open up and work through your issues.


Joe

Hi kia :D


Well :) I have the same problem when I give my love to a girl and they know I will love them no matter what.. they treat me like dirt and laugh and show no respect for me.. I guess its my fault though I let them treat me like that because nothing they do could upset me. So I get walked on a bit.. well use to sadly. It happened to me a few times.. hard to learn them lessons I've yet to find someone to love me in the same why I love them :)

Its not just guys my dear :P its typs of people

To answer your question; I am tired of guys who don't want to be serious but keep coming back for the physical. I've had 3 I cared about; 1 I fell in love with and still haven't let go until this day. This particular one I have known for years, and have been the best woman I could be to him. I did one thing messed up up towards him ( nothing to do with another guy ) after following a bad influence from a girlfriend of mine. It was stupid; but he has done mean things to me before also. I've been there for him a whole lot more and have taken way more crap from him. I've been his "friend" with benefits for years( tried to stop the benefits part a few times, but I am attracted to him); but I have shown myself to be a true friend throughout any of his issues. He's been there a little bit for me, but rarely calls just to spend time with me or hang out without an evening agenda. He apparently thinks its okay to come around for one thing, and throw in that whole " I'm still dating" thing and that he's not ready for a relationship, and then doesn't call for weeks. It's crap I know; but I'm 5+ years in with my feelings. I don't even call him any more because I try to forget him but it is hard. Instead of him realizing the reason why I am so weak when it comes to being around him or sleeping with him; he acts the same way & he must know it is hard for me. I don't understand & I don't think he treats other people like me. I think he does it because I guess he thinks its fun or easy; but why? Why not just leave me totally alone without making me have to battle with my feelings when he calls or invites me out? His behavior is very cold; for just being my "friend". Why would he treat me like this when he KNOWS how I feel about him? With the others to: one got married while we were " working on things " between us & the other was just plain cold with his behavior( only after we slept together a few times)... My friends go through the same issues with their guys also...

You put all the blame on him but you're the one that consents to sleep with him. So your part of the blame too. You know that you have been considered friends with benefits that was your choice.

Both parties are to blame not just him. Take responsibility for your own actions.

Joe

It's called... IMMATURITY!! :eek:

It just takes longer for some people to grow up! :p

Hi
I honestly feel that that is the very stereotypical view of a guy. I think allot of guys who have dated girls out there and have done a crappy job in doing so have most definitely ruined it for the guys who do care! What seems to be the norm for guys is to be in a relationship only for sex, full stop. But I can tell you that not every guy out there is shallow and cold, believe it or not guys do care abut how their partners feel, we do want to make you feel like a princess, spoil you and when we look at you, you feel as though you are the only girl in the world.
The bad guys have just given the good guys a bad reputation. But please don’t think that all guys are the same, because they are most certainly not! I think allot of woman have but up a filter towards men, and as you say ‘let their guard down’ I don’t blame you for doing that because of the reputation given, however give the nice guys a chance; you may be surprised as to who they are…

Well I do; but if anyone knows anything about love they understand how hard it is to let go of a person for good. Of course he knows if he tries enough times I am going to give in; when you are in love who doesn't? I would never emotionally torture someone ( or someone I consider a FRIEND) by contnuing to seek their company if I know I am hurting them. Who cares what I technically agreed to in the past; he knows how I've felt for the past few years now.

I'm sorry but that is such a male excuse( nothing personal:). As if men don't know women are emotional creatures or something...

Some women are just as guilty of this behavior as some men are.

It all comes down to this: Some people want different things than what you want. Some of those people will do or say anything in order to get what they want, including pretending to want the same thing you want. Once they've gotten it... that's it. That's what they showed up for. And now that they've gotten it once, they assume they'll be able to get it again... the first time is the hardest, after all.

I'll make you a deal: You don't lump all of us in with the male jerks you've encountered, and we won't lump you in with all of the female jerks that we've encountered.

I realise the things you say are out of the hurt feelings you have, but you cannot throw us all in the same pot. We here have all been in the boat your in, but you have to let it go, and learn from your mistakes and move on. I know for a fact how hard it is, but it must be done, as others have said in all your other posts. Time and hard work will make things better later, and I know its no picnic now.

Perhaps it is the men that you keep company with.. Perhaps it is a reflection on the way you treat men... Perhaps it isn't the men at all and rather you...

I promise you though that we aren't all as you describe here! Sorry for your pain but it will get better. And you can control it by forgetting the negativity and focusing on positives despite how hard that may seem right now.

Good luck!

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Originally Posted by Kia

Of course he knows if he tries enough times I am going to give in;

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There's your problem, right there. You don't stand up for yourself and you consent to be treated with disrespect, just because you're horny and attracted to him. You sell yourself short and settle for less than you want and need. Stop doing this and you'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel. The better you feel and the more confident you become, the more likely you are to find someone who will treat you right.

Perhaps its just you are not ready to settle down yourself and therefore you are choosing the wrong type of guys.. ie those that are not ready to settle either.
I could have been guilty of the same in my past ;-)

Get happy alone , get confident, don't go too fast with a guy, take things SLOWWWWW, be friends first and try and find out what kind of people they really are.Dont put on those rose coloured glasses too early :)

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Why is it that the nicer women get dogged out just because we let our guard down and start showing our feelings towards a man?:confused:

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As in your other thread your looking for something that's not there and all you have to do is to know when to let go and move on.

Kia,

I was in the same situation that lasted for over 5 years. Always the good friend who was available when he needed to vent about his ex or even his girlfriend at the time. I kept thinking that if I held on just a little bit longer that someday he would see how great we would be together & live happily ever after. I even held on while he tried to make things work with his ex (3 different times), and 1 new girl friend.

In my opinion, your guy is emotionally unavailable and there is NOTHING you can do to change that. The two of you are in different places in your lives. The only thing you can do is walk away - run if you have to. Have absolutely no contact with him. If you do not think you're strong enough to resist his phone calls change your phone number.

TURST me... no contact is the key to regaining your sanity.