Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend watches too much porn

I've been in a relationship for almost two years now. My significant other in my opinion is addicted to porn. While I don't diagree with watching porn, I feel that too much of it has affected our sexual relationship. He is not a man that I can openly discuss this or any other issue with. He has always been a man that has to ejaculate at least once a day. While I am readily available he watches porn, ejaculates. This generally takes place while I'm at work.

Let me give you an example. I get off work yesterday, I met him for a drink (only one) we come home. After being home for an hour I asked him if we could talk. Please keep in mind that he isn't much of a communicator. I asked him if he was still sexually attracted to me. He gets upset that I should ask such a question and responds that if he didn't find me sexually attractive he would tell me so. But here is the problem. The night before we were having sex (and keep in mind that this was the first time in seven long days) during sex he goes soft on me. He asked me to give him a second. Which I did, and then we finished.

Am I reading too much into this? I think that he has a very distorted view of sex from watching so much porn. Could I be right?

Our sex life has been amazing up until about 6 months ago. Some days we would have sex 4 or 5 times. So for a woman to go from that to having sex once or twice a week distirbues me. I begin to question whether he does find me attractive anymore.

When you question whether "he finds you attractive anymore" you must understand attractiveness is a little more black and white with a man. They are not intermingled with love like a woman.

Does he find you sexually attractive? This would vary from day to day no matter if you were the most beautiful woman in the world with a perfect body. No offense should be taken. There are a variety things that can easily be done to satisfy him in this area, sex out of the blue, dressing up, maybe different color hair wig etc. (you should have a good idea by now. The key is variety. This what the porn is making up for.

Does he love you and want to be with you? This all depends on his belief system and is it in align with yours. And do either one of you have the ability to see past your differences.

I do think you maybe over thinking things a little and you should not worry it's just porn.

The biggest piece of advise I will give you is never try to work out your problems from a low mood. Always wait till both of you are in a good mind set and productive decisions will be made. (Never say we have to work on this RIGHT NOW because such and such).

Quote:

Originally Posted by sduperre

I've been in a relationship for almost two years now. My significant other in my opinion is addicted to porn. While I don't diagree with watching porn, I feel that too much of it has affected our sexual relationship. He is not a man that I can openly discuss this or any other issue with. He has always been a man that has to ejaculate at least once a day. While I am readily available he watches porn, ejaculates. This generally takes place while i'm at work.

Well there's your problem:
He is not a man that I can openly discuss this or any other issue with.
Those who can't talk about sex, shouldn't be doing it.

In my opinion your boyfriend is a normal man. To a point at least. Masturbation is a quick release, a person and private moment. There is nothing wrong with that.

So while you're available, are you initiating with him? Also, would you like him to use you as a dumpster? When he is rubbing one off all he is wanting to do is get off. Would you like for him to just do that with you. No getting you in the mood, or getting you off. Just walk in, drop your pants, and leave.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sduperre

Let me give you an example. I get off work yesterday, I met him for a drink (only one) we come home. After being home for an hour I asked him if we could talk. Please keep in mind that he isn't much of a communicator. I asked him if he was still sexually attracted to me. He gets upset that I should ask such a question and responds that if he didn't find me sexually attractive he would tell me so. but here is the problem. The night before we were having sex (and keep in mind that this was the first time in seven long days) during sex he goes soft on me. He asked me to give him a second. Which I did, and then we finished.

Chances are that is his problem. He's been using a death grip on his penis. He's used to doing it one way and what you're doing isn't doing it for him any more. What he needs to do lighten up and train himself for a lighter touch. When he is wanking, his thumb can't go past his fingers. Really light touch. It is going to suck for a month or two but afterwards he shouldn't go soft.

[QUOTE=sduperre;3290343]Am I reading too much into this? I think that he has a very distorted view of sex from watching so much porn. Could I be right?

Yes. You're reading far too much into this. His views on sex are fine. They would be distorted if he expected you to act like a Porn star every time you have sex. Chances are he is good and tender when you're making love.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sduperre

Our sex life has been amazing up until about 6 months ago. Some days we would have sex 4 or 5 times. So for a woman to go from that to having sex once or twice a week distirbues me. I begin to question whether or not he does find me attractive anymore.

What happened six months ago?

It could have been that the novelty of the new relationship wore off and now you're settling into the 'long term relationship part of your life. Could be that he actually has a low libido. The masturbation might not support this though.

My money would be on the masturbating too hard.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kenjah

When you question whether "he finds you attractive anymore" you must understand attractiveness is a little more black and white with a man. They are not intermingled with love like a woman.

Does he find you sexually attractive? This would vary from day to day no matter if you were the most beautiful woman in the world with a perfect body. No offense should be taken. There are a variety things that can easily be done to satisfy him in this area, sex out of the blue, dressing up, maybe different color hair wig etc. (you should have a good idea by now. The key is variety. This what the porn is making up for.

Does he love you and want to be with you? This all depends on his belief system and is it in align with yours. And do either one of you have the ability to see past your differences.

I do think you maybe over thinking things a little and you should not worry it's just porn.

The biggest piece of advise I will give you is never try to work out your problems from a low mood. Always wait till both of you are in a good mind set and productive decisions will be made. (Never say we have to work on this RIGHT NOW because such and such).

Thank your for your response and insight. I don't question if he loves me or not.
In the bedroom and outside of the bedroom our sex life has always been spicy.

However, it seems as of late, the porn takes more precedence.

We very rarely work on our problems in a low mood. We generally wait until we are both in a good mind set.

Quote:

The night before we were having sex (and keep in mind that this was the first time in seven long days) during sex he goes soft on me. He asked me to give him a second. Which I did, and then we finished.

Maybe he had just masturbated an hour or two before you had sex. That would make sense that he got soft for a second.

Yea, he probably is relying more on porn to get off lately than you (since you say he watches porn everyday). But I doubt it's because he doesn't find you attractive. It's most likely just because he's gotten lazy and comfortable in the relationship. But really, 4 or 5 times a day is a lot to live up to! It's understandable that he might want to masturbate instead of have sex sometimes. You should find a happy medium. But if he isn't willing to talk about it then I doubt things will get better.