Ask Me Help Desk - What's a guy to do.girls?

OK, so this is probably an easy one.. but I want to hear from other people.. especially from girls..

There was a girl who broke up with her boyfriend of a few years. I was a nominal friend of hers at the time. After her breakup we talked a lot, got close and I told her that I really liked her and asked her out. When I did this she seemed flattered, blushed, but also confused. We hugged/kissed and she even said she wanted to sit in my lap! She asked me exactly my plan was.. I was kind of caught off guard and said I just wanted to go out and see how things went.. I dn't think she was satisifed with that. She asked me multiple times why I would want to go out with a mess like her.. her ex still calls her and wants to get back together after he broke up with her...

Anyway.. its been a few months.. and we still hung out and I asked her out twice again over the cours eof a few months.. and then made the decision to not ask her out.. b/c each time her answer has been that she's does not want to be pressured... she always asks me what I would want to be with a mess like her... I really like her and I think she likes me too.. but she seems so reluctant to put a name to what we do.. we've hugged.. I"ve kissed her..she hasn't initiated any hugs/kisses...she said that if she had agreed to go out she would've been "stuck" in a relatinship..and really just wants to do random stuff...What I dn't get is why shewould still wanna hang out with me..ask my take on important stuff...hang out..have intimate conversations..but not go out on a stpuid date...at this point I feel a little frustrated..so I've mada decision to just let it go..and ignore her..I dn't even thinK I can be friends with her until I'm fully at terms with this..and I told her that..and all she said was that would be really rude of me..

She's admitted that we had/have somethign..and something's going on..but just does not want to make it official by going on a "date"(though we've had coffee and dinner numerous times.. just the two of us)...

Is she just confused/not ready or just down right not into me?

hey man well I'm a guy :) and what I think is going on.. I think she likes the attention.. but does not want to date you.. if she did she would have said yes, I think she does love the effection you give her! No doubt about that.. that thing about why you would be with a mess like me. Is in my view a nice way of saying I don't wanan go out with you or anyone.. at the moment.. it's a nice stand offish tac. Sadly you have feelings for her.. thus friendship is out of the window. If she let you huge and kiss her and I'm talking a real kiss. We don't kiss all our friends. My best advice is to stop asking her out. And leave her alone for a bit she what she does, if she comes to you awesome :) if not then so be it.
I know a lot easier said than done. But if you go on with the hope that maybe if your nice to her she will go out with you.. you will just get hurt. And then if she goes back with her X and that.. well nightmare times. Its happen to me few times and its not fun..

orr she could just be in a strang place.. but my advice is.. is give her some time

Hope it goes well man

Why such the urgency for a date? She just came off a serious relationship and was rejected. She doesn't want to jump right away in a relationship. You have a few options moving forward and none of which are what you are doing right now. One you need to keep your distant and let her make your move, be coy, be mysterious, doesn't mean ignore her but don't bother calling her right now.

The other is she looks to me like a girl that wants to hook up and want to get over her ex. Most likely you are a rebound anyway but you never know it can turn into a relationship. You have to be honest and upfront with your intentions right now. She doesn't want a relationship, so you pushing a date is the worst thing you can do right now. Get her out in a party scene maybe and see how things go.

You like her, she kissed you so she is obviously into you for some degree so don't push anything let her make the moves in terms of initiating stuff. You need to figure out what she wants and a relationship isn't it. So either you can hook up with her and be the rebound guy or keep your distance and hope she chooses you over the ex.

Quote:

Originally Posted by reccoso

OK, so this is probably an easy one..but I want to hear from other people..especially from girls..

There was a girl who broke up with her bf of a few years. I was a nominal friend of hers at the time. After her breakup we talked a lot, got close and I told her that I really liked her and asked her out. When I did this she seemed flattered, blushed, but also confused. We hugged/kissed and she even said she wanted to sit in my lap!! She asked me exactly my plan was..I was kinda caught off guard and said I just wanted to go out and see how things went..I dn't think she was satisifed with that. She asked me multiple times why I would wanna go out with a mess like her..her ex still calls her and wants to get back together after he broke up with her...

Anyway..its been a few months..and we still hung out and I asked her out twice again over the cours eof a few months..and then made the decision to not ask her out..b/c each time her answer has been that she's does not want to be pressured.....she always asks me what I owuld want to be with a mess like her...I really like her and I think she likes me too..but she seems so reluctant to put a name to what we do..we've hugged..I"ve kissed her..she hasn't initiated any hugs/kisses...she said that if she had agreed to go out she would've been "stuck" in a relatinship..and really just wants to do random stuff...What I dn't get is why shewould still wanna hang out with me..ask my take on important stuff...hang out..have intimate conversations..but not go out on a stpuid date...at this point I feel a little frustrated..so I've mada decision to just let it go..and ignore her..I dn't even thinK I can be friends with her until I'm fully at terms with this..and I told her that..and all she said was that would be really rude of me..

She's admitted that we had/have somethign..and something's going on..but just does not want to make it official by going on a "date"(though we've had coffee and dinner numerous times..just the two of us)....

Is she just confused/not ready or just down right not into me??

You know, from experience it could have nothing to do with whether she's into you or not. Sometimes I don't want to date someone because I'm not into them, sometimes it's cause I know I'm not in a good place and I don't want to f it up. My advice is to let her have her time to heal, and if you still really like her, maybe see. But dude, the last thing you want to be is her rebound...

Backoff and let this girl get over her past relationship at her own pace without any pressure from you, so she can heal and be healthy.