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-   -   My fiancé wants a break from me (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=706651)

  • Oct 3, 2012, 10:24 AM
    Maria1323
    My fiancé wants a break from me
    Me and my fiancé have been together for 4 years, and live together. He is in the RCMP, and I recently moved across the country to be with him.
    He is the kindest, most loving man I've ever known, and treats me like gold.. or he used to.
    These past few weeks he's been going through something. It's like he's depressed, I know this is common for police; they can distant themselves from their home and family life. He's been SO close with his friends/co-workers, and seems great at work, but when he's home, he's distant, cold, and not affectionate. I know I've been over reacting a bit.. I argue, get mad at him, cry, and start fights. I know I'm an emotional person, and have been giving him more stress and in turn have made him move farther from me.
    A few days ago we had a talk and he admitted to me what he's been feeling, and that's he's unhappy with us. He says he loves me, hates seeing me hurt and wants a break. I refused. I live with him, and a "break" is NOT the solution for mature couples. I am trying to act like everything's fine, give him his space, not argue, be loving and compassionate, and hope that he will start feeling different and see that I LOVE him and that we are in this, through thick and thin.
    I need advice. Anyone been through this before? How should I help him feel better and realize that giving up on us is NOT the answer?
    Any guys, cops, or wives of cops out there? Or anyone who has been through something similar?
    Thanks you.
  • Oct 3, 2012, 10:54 AM
    ItsNotImportant
    Do you know what's making him unhappy with "us"?
  • Oct 3, 2012, 12:10 PM
    Maria1323
    I'm not too sure exactly, I know it's not one specific thing, but from what I've learned by talking to other cops' wives and everything I've read.. it's common for cops to get distant and uninterested in their "home" life, or life/people outside of work, around the 3-4 year mark of working.
    Because of their "flight or fight" adrenaline all day, they grow super close to their co-workers/ partners, and when they come home they crash more than a normal 9-5er would. This is why divorce rate is so high for police, a lot of spouses can't deal with this.
    This has cause me to get emotional. I know I can be clingy and needy sometimes, so I get mad at him when he doesn't seem to care to hang out with me, or when he chooses to hang out with his co-workers instead of me. So we fight. And I think this is turn has added to his stress and made coming home draining to him.

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