Hello all,

I am in love with a wonderful woman, who I adore and treat like gold. We live together, I was raised to respect women and I believe in equality and being a good man to my woman. I have never lied to her, or done her wrong in our relationship until now...

We've been together under a year, and I know I want to be with her for the rest of my life. I know we all have secrets, and I have had one since we started dating. It is something that happened before us, I would prefer not to say what it is. It's from my past, but it wasn't a betrayal of trust, drugs, police or anything awful. I told her everything. She now considers me a liar, and says she can no longer trust me because it took me this long to share it with her. I have never lied to her before, but kept that past of me inside until I was ready to share it.

I think she may have been gravely betrayed by someone before and this is may be the reason for her reaction.

I do not know what to do. I have apologized for my timing and for hurting her the way I did. I know inside I am not a bad man, I love her and only want to spend my life making her smile.

How do I fix this? I'm an idiot and made the mistake to first defend myself, and that bounced back at me in more anger from her.

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Originally Posted by ItsNotImportant

Hello all,

I am in love with a wonderful woman, who I adore and treat like gold. We live together, I was raised to respect women and I believe in equality and being a good man to my woman. I have never lied to her, or done her wrong in our relationship until now...

We've been together under a year, and I know I want to be with her for the rest of my life. I know we all have secrets, and I have had one since we started dating. It is something that happened before us, I would prefer not to say what it is. It's from my past, but it wasn't a betrayal of trust, drugs, police or anything awful. I told her everything. She now considers me a liar, and says she can no longer trust me because it took me this long to share it with her. I have never lied to her before, but kept that past of me inside until I was ready to share it.

I think she may have been gravely betrayed by someone before and this is may be the reason for her reaction.

I do not know what to do. I have apologized for my timing and for hurting her the way I did. I know inside I am not a bad man, I love her and only want to spend my life making her smile.

How do I fix this? I'm an idiot and made the mistake to first defend myself, and that bounced back at me in more anger from her.

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I don't know what you told her - and maybe it's better that "we" don't know. Obviously it was a life changing moment for her.

Do you know if she is more upset about the "lie" (and I'm one of those people who don't believe in telling everything, people have a past, but this must have been very serious) OR that you defended yourself?

I think all you can do is let the situation calm down/cool down - and then then attempt to explain (if she'll listen to you).

I would hope that after a year she would know you well enough that whatever this is would be a bump in the road.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I don't know what you told her - and maybe it's better that "we" don't know. Obviously it was a life changing moment for her.

Do you know if she is more upset about the "lie" (and I'm one of those people who don't believe in telling everything, people have a past, but this must have been very serious) OR that you defended yourself?

I think all you can do is let the situation calm down/cool down - and then then attempt to explain (if she'll listen to you).

I would hope that after a year she would know you well enough that whatever this is would be a bump in the road.

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Hi Judy,

Thanks for the response. I stopped defending myself and admitted fault right from the start. Could I share more with you in a private message? You seem to have insight and maybe help me understand her emotion.

Cheers.