My Fiance' and father to my toddler, had a drunken night and cheated. Only once (I believe him.) he later found out that the girl he cheated with was pregnant. That's when he broke down and told me. I wasn't sure if wanted to stay or go. Our relationship was solid, (I thought). We have been together for more that seven years and this was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He cried, he begged, he said that he couldn't live without me or our child.

I decided to stay. I love him and I know that he would never do this again. I also made a promise to myself that if in our lifetime this ever happens again. I'm OUT. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on ME. Anyway with that being said, we have been rebuilding. I am slowly dealing with it, however, the baby that... may or may not be his (Her dates were all off), is due very soon. This is opening up the old can of worms all over again. I am going to sleep and waking up with it on my mind.

I hope to find someone that has been in my situation. I have always said that if I was ever cheated on, I would be OUT. Until it happened to me. I love this man and want it to work. I just know that it's going to be a long process. HELP.

Is he going to make sure this child is really his, and have both of you been tested for STD. He did have unprotected sex. Did he know this person? Where was he that he got drunk and had sex?
How old are the both of you that you have been together 7 years and no marriage.
You have decided to stay, so if this baby is his you need to be aware that he will need to pay child support and be in that child's life. Are you ready for that?

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Is he going to make sure this child is really his, and have both of you been tested for STD. He did have unprotected sex. Did he know this person? Where was he that he got drunk and had sex?
How old are the both of you that you have been together 7 years and no marriage.
You have decided to stay, so if this baby is his you need to be aware that he will need to pay child support and be in that child's life. Are you ready for that?

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We have been tested. Everything is OK. The other person was a co-worker. He went to a work party and got too drunk to drive home and stayed at another co-worker's apt (male) and she was there too.

We are in our late 20's and we have been engaged since 2009, then we found out we were having our child so we stopped the wedding planning and focused our new addition. We didn't want to feel like a shotgun wedding. After all this, I know I love him, but I'm not emotionally ready for marriage. It's going to take some healing before I walk down the isle.

I decided to stay knowing full and well what the consequences would be. I love him. Now that the time is nearing closer, I am just now fathoming it and it's reopening the wound.

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Originally Posted by KoriRami

We have been tested. Everything is ok. The other person was a co-worker. He went to a work party and got too drunk to drive home and stayed at another co-worker's apt (male) and she was there too.

We are in our late 20's and we have been engaged since 2009, then we found out we were having our child so we stopped the wedding planning and focused our new addition. we didn't want to feel like a shotgun wedding. After all this, I know I love him, but i'm not emotionally ready for marriage. it's going to take some healing before i walk down the isle.

I decided to stay knowing full and well what the consequences would be. I love him. Now that the time is nearing closer, I am just now fathoming it and it's reopening the wound.

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I hope he realizes what a mess he has made and will stay away from alcohol. You may both may need to do some couples counseling to get through this.
You know you can get married and concentrate on raising a child at the same time. Couples do it all the time. I wish you well.

I'm going through the exact sitution, he also said it was the once (but deep down in my heart I always say there never the once)! We have a six year old son and are planning to get married 2014! Its really hard I feel like hell, can't sleep and can't go throughout the day without thinking about it! This other baby isn't born yet, I have said to him if he looks at this girl, has contact with her and takes anything to do with this baby (if its his), we are over, I know its evil but was it not evil what he did to me and our son! These other girls did they not know that our men were in strong relationships and do they not know about the morning after pill??

Its going to be really hard but I'm going to make a big decision when the dna test is done! Take each day as it comes! Say strong for our child's sake don't let them see you feeling down!

Somehow I guess when I hear, I only cheated once, I personally never believed it. A man who will cheats cheats when he gets the chance.
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He could not have been that drunk, since he was able to preform sexually. Had he been too drunk, so he knew what he was doing, ( in my opinion anyway) and I spend about 15 years behind a bottle, so I know drunk.

But he needs to let the child be born and do a DNA test to see if it is his child. If it is, he needs to set up, where he can be the father to the child, but does not have to see her. Use third party to pick up and take child back.

Also, why was he at a part with drinking, without you ? Does he often drink too much ? What was his plan on getting home to start with, if he was drinking ?

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Originally Posted by 9110CLAIREM

im going through the exact sitution, he also said it was the once (but deep down in my heart i always say there never jus the once)! we have a six year old son and are planning to get married 2014! its really hard i feel like hell, can't sleep and can't go thoughout the day without thinking about it! this other baby aint born yet, i have said to him if he looks at this girl, has contact with her and takes anything to do with this baby (if its his), we are over, i know its evil but was it not evil what he did to me and our son! these other girls did they not know that our men were in strong relationships and do they not know about the morning after pill????

its goin to be really hard but im goin to make a big decision when the dna test is done! take each day as it comes! say strong for our child's sake dont let them see you feeling down!

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Why is it the girls' fault? If he was in such a strong relationship he would not have cheated, he would have at least worn a condom.
If the child is his, it is not the baby's fault that your husband cheated. He ought to be in that bay's life and take care of it.

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Originally Posted by 9110CLAIREM

im going through the exact sitution, he also said it was the once (but deep down in my heart i always say there never jus the once)! we have a six year old son and are planning to get married 2014! its really hard i feel like hell, can't sleep and can't go thoughout the day without thinking about it! this other baby aint born yet, i have said to him if he looks at this girl, has contact with her and takes anything to do with this baby (if its his), we are over, i know its evil but was it not evil what he did to me and our son! these other girls did they not know that our men were in strong relationships and do they not know about the morning after pill????

its goin to be really hard but im goin to make a big decision when the dna test is done! take each day as it comes! say strong for our childs sake dont let them see you feeling down!

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Wow. Makes me feel better to have someone in my situation. You never know what you will do until you are in that situation. It's so hard for me to open up to someone that just doesn't understand, but I'm so glad that you do. I told my guy that we are not going to get married until I am emotionally ready. He is amped to get married now because after this whole situation he says that he realizes that I am th only one for him and blah, blah, blah. It bothers me because he had my heart in his hand and we even brought another person into this world. And that night, all that still didn't stop him. I have no symathy for him. And why should I?

Everything is so hard because I see him like a completely different person now... our love is tainted in my eyes. He says that he understands, and he will do whatever it takes or however long he has to wait. My concern is this new baby, if it's his. My father was never around for me and I feel bad for this unborn baby. He wants nothing to do with the baby or the chick; but I sometimes find myself feeling bad for this baby. But I'm not going to force something that has really nothing to do with me.

What I can't believe is that a woman would have a one night stand with a man, knowing that he is engaged with a family and get pregnant and STILL insist on going through with it! But at the same time, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and beliefs. And she is not my problem. HE is.

When is the baby due? Have you ever had contact with the other woman? I tried calling mine woman to woman. She never answered. Chump.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

somehow I guess when I hear, I only cheated once, I personally never believed it. A man who will cheats cheats when he gets the chance.
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He could not have been that drunk, since he was able to preform sexually. Had he been too drunk, so he knew what he was doing, ( in my opinion anyway) and I spend about 15 years behind a bottle, so I know drunk.

But he needs to let the child be born and do a DNA test to see if it is his child. If it is, he needs to set up, where he can be the father to the child, but does not have to see her. Use third party to pick up and take child back.

Also, why was he at a part with drinking, without you ? Does he often drink to much ? what was his plan on getting home to start with, if he was drinking ?

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I had the same beliefs until it happened to me. I am a realistic woman, not a fool. I know that he was drinking, but even drunk... unless you are blacked out, you know what you are doing.

He wants nothing to do with the child and the other woman wants him to have nothing to do with it either. I am not going to force anything. But if it comes down to it, I will be there in court supporting him.

We met at the same company so I felt comfortable with him going to the work party (I didn't work there anymore but everyone knew me.) This woman was a new transfer. He has since, stopped going out and drinking (drinking was not a problem tho). I have gone over and over for months now about the who, what, where, when and why. I'm just not sure if the details matter 8 months later. And I knew that when I made the decision to stay that I cannot dwell and I have to learn how to move past it and go forward. My love for him has def changed from all this. I believe that he loves me more than I love him now... and it's going to take a long time and a lot of counseling to get me back to that place, if ever.

Now that the baby is coming, I'm not sure if she will change her mind and want him to be apart of it. I am working on the infidelity, I now have to think and deal with the fact of another baby? Will our child be affected? What will she think when she is older? That's my main concern. I am still debating on giving her the truth or keeping the skeleton in the closet.

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Originally Posted by KoriRami

When is the baby due? have you ever had contact with the other woman? I tried calling mine woman to woman. she never answered. Chump.

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Why would you try calling her, what good would that do?
Why do women want to get all miffed at the woman? She owes you no explanation. The man is the one who broke his promise, who deceived you.
How can you really stay with and respect a man that cheats, carelessly makes a baby and refuses to have anything to do with it? That is just tacky. He aided in creating that mess and he ought to pay the consequences. It could be the child is not even his but his attitude is just funky.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Why would you try calling her, what good would that do?
Why do women want to get all miffed at the woman? She owes you no explanation. The man is the one who broke his promise, who deceived you.
How can you really stay with and respect a man that cheats, carelessly makes a baby and refuses to have anything to do with it? That is just tacky. He aided in creating that mess and he ought to pay the consequences. It could be the child is not even his but his attitude is just funky.

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I really appreciate the concern. And I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But I came on this site to find someone that fathoms my situation, I have already made my decision and I don't appreciate the judgmental tone. Trust me, everything that you are saying I have said to myself a thousand times, but my heart is telling me different. Please respect that.

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Originally Posted by KoriRami

Wow. makes me feel better to have someone in my situation. You never know what you will do until you are in that situation. it's so hard for me to open up to someone that just doesn't understand, but I'm so glad that you do. I told my guy that we are not going to get married until I am emotionally ready. He is amped to get married now because after this whole situation he says that he realizes that I am th only one for him and blah, blah, blah. It bothers me because he had my heart in his hand and we even brought another person into this world. and that night, all that still didn't stop him. I have no symathy for him. And why should I?

Everything is so hard because I see him like a completely different person now...our love is tainted in my eyes. He says that he understands, and he will do whatever it takes or however long he has to wait. My concern is this new baby, if it's his. My father was never around for me and I feel bad for this unborn baby. He wants nothing to do with the baby or the chick; but I sometimes find myself feeling bad for this baby. But I'm not going to force something that has really nothing to do with me.

What I can't believe is that a woman would have a one night stand with a man, knowing that he is engaged with a family and get pregnant and STILL insist on going through with it! but at the same time, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and beliefs. and she is not my problem. HE is.

When is the baby due? have you ever had contact with the other woman? I tried calling mine woman to woman. she never answered. Chump.

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I myself/family/friends thinks this girl was jealous of me for years and wanted what I had, she has another child and doesn't know who the father is! I also have tried ringing this girl but she never answered!the baby is due December!

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Originally Posted by KoriRami

I really appreciate the concern. And I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But I came on this site to find someone that fathoms my situation, I have already made my decision and I don't appreciate the judgmental tone. Trust me, everything that you are saying I have said to myself a thousand times, but my heart is telling me different. Please respect that.

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I was not being judgmental, but giving you something to think about. I will let you continue on with your party.

Everyone thinks that they will always leave if they get cheated on, even I thought that, but honestly, sometimes forgetting someone is HARDER than forgiving someone.
I can't imagine how hard this is for you. Me and my fiancé have been going through problems too, so I feel you.
Honestly, this probably will be on your mind until the baby is born and you find out the father. You have to just find ways to de-stress yourself and try to keep your mind off it until then, for your sanity.. go for a run, have a bubble bath, play with your baby, go shopping, go visit a friend.. etc
If the baby ISN'T his (which is possible) then this whole thing can be forgotten. If it is, then you'll have to deal with that when and if it comes.
Can you stay with him? You have to figure out what you WILL do in case.

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Originally Posted by 9110CLAIREM

i myself/family/friends thinks this girl was jealous of me for years and wanted what i had, she has another child and doesnt know who the father is! i also have tried ringing this girl but she never answered!the baby is due december!

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December is coming soon :/ The baby over here is due sometime this month. It's killing me. I don't know how I'm going to feel if the baby is his. I wish I could tell my family and friends. I know that they will turn on my fiancé and I don't want any more drama than I need. It's so hard to be keeping this secret.

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Originally Posted by Maria1323

Everyone thinks that they will always leave if they get cheated on, even I thought that, but honestly, sometimes forgetting someone is HARDER than forgiving someone.
I can't imagine how hard this is for you. Me and my fiance have been going through problems too, so I feel you.
Honestly, this probably will be on your mind until the baby is born and you find out the father. You have to just find ways to de-stress yourself and try to keep your mind off it until then, for your sanity.. go for a run, have a bubble bath, play with your baby, go shopping, go visit a friend.. etc
If the baby ISN'T his (which is possible) then this whole thing can be forgotten. If it is, then you'll have to deal with that when and if it comes.
Can you stay with him? You have to figure out what you WILL do in case.

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I appreciate the kind words and encouragement :) This has been on my mind all year, but now that this pregnancy is nearing an end, it's opening up all the doors I have been trying to shut all year. My Fiancé and I are trying to get through it together but it's tough. I hope that the baby isn't his, but if it is, then I have to put my big girl panties on and tough it out.

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Originally Posted by KoriRami

I appreciate the kind words and encouragement :) This has been on my mind all year, but now that this pregnancy is nearing an end, it's opening up all the doors I have been trying to shut all year. My Fiance and I are trying to get through it together but it's tough. I hope that the baby isn't his, but if it is, then I have to put my big girl panties on and tough it out.

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Of course! It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one going through problems in my relationship lol. I hope only the best for you.
What I've learned is when I'm upset, stressed, or going through issues in my mind when it comes to me and my fiancé, sometimes talking to a stranger is easier than talking to him or a friend.

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Originally Posted by KoriRami

I really appreciate the concern. And I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But I came on this site to find someone that fathoms my situation, I have already made my decision and I don't appreciate the judgmental tone. Trust me, everything that you are saying I have said to myself a thousand times, but my heart is telling me different. Please respect that.

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Yes I agree, you have to go through this situation to think and deal with everything that has gone on! Things that happen makes us a stronger person!

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Originally Posted by KoriRami

December is coming soon :/ The baby over here is due sometime this month. It's killing me. I don't know how i'm going to feel if the baby is his. I wish I could tell my family and friends. I know that they will turn on my fiance and I don't want any more drama than I need. It's so hard to be keeping this secret.

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I know how you feel about not telling your family and friends, I didn't either for ages! It was eating away at me, I lost a lot of weight and I wasn't myself, my mum and dad knew there was something up and asked me and I busted out crying and told them! But now I'm so glad I did tell them, my mum and friends gives me a lot of support and it feels like I have a heavy wet blanket lifted from my shoulders! I really wish you get the outcome you want and hope you work through all this and remember hold your head high (you didn't do anything wrong).