All right, here's a short backstory:

I was seeing a guy for a little while when things started to go downhill. He started acting very strange, clingy, and I'd find out that he would follow me places. When I told him I didn't want to see him anymore, first he got all sad and started crying, and then he got mad and started yelling at me. Well, a few weeks after that I found out I was pregnant with his child. And then, I found out that he got me pregnant on purpose (poking holes in condoms, though I can't legally prove anything).

Well, I am 5 months pregnant now and absolutely terrified to give birth because this person is mentally unstable. I told him to seek out counseling, which he did, but nothing has changed and I am worried about my little girl (I'm 5 months pregnant). I don't want him in my child's life, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't need his help emotionally or financially, so does anyone have any advice for my situation?

I'm 24, he's 30. We both live in Washington state.

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Originally Posted by missneekole

Alright, here's a short backstory:

I was seeing a guy for a little while when things started to go downhill. He started acting very strange, clingy, and I'd find out that he would follow me places. When I told him I didn't want to see him anymore, first he got all sad and started crying, and then he got mad and started yelling at me. Well, a few weeks after that I found out I was pregnant with his child. And then, I found out that he got me pregnant on purpose (poking holes in condoms, though I can't legally prove anything).

Well, I am 5 months pregnant now and absolutely terrified to give birth because this person is mentally unstable. I told him to seek out counseling, which he did, but nothing has changed and I am worried about my little girl (I'm 5 months pregnant). I don't want him in my child's life, and I don't know what to do about it. I don't need his help emotionally or financially, so does anyone have any advice for my situation?

I'm 24, he's 30. We both live in Washington state.

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Your only hope is to prove he's unbalanced and a danger to your child if/when he tries to get visitation. Try for supervised visitation.

How long is a "little while" (referring to your dating)? How did you find out he poked holes in the condom?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Your only hope is to prove he's unbalanced and a danger to your child if/when he tries to get visitation. Try for supervised visitation.

How long is a "little while" (referring to your dating)? How did you find out he poked holes in the condom?

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We were only seeing each other for about a month, and he had hinted something to that effect after I told him that I was pregnant, which was not a surprise to him at all.

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Originally Posted by missneekole

We were only seeing each other for about a month, and he had hinted something to that effect after I told him that I was pregnant, which was not a surprise to him at all.

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Let me also add that he then demanded we get married, and when I told him no he got very upset and started ranting about that not being the way it was supposed to go. In my opinion, he is insane.

Well many people believe if you get pregnant you are suppose to marry, my mom thought anyone that did not was a tramp or a deadbeat father.

But he will have full rights to file in court for visits and also even for joint custody of the child.

You will need evidence that will be allowed into court to prove any of this. If not, he will get at least visits. He may well be crazy, but then you must have felt he was father material if you were having sex with him. So You will have to file for custody as soon as the child is born, and request he only get supervised visitation.

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Originally Posted by missneekole

In my opinion, he is insane.

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But your opinion counts very little here.

On the other hand, I think you may have enough to require that he undergo a psych eval before he is allowed any visitation.

But one of the problems you may have is the question of whether he is obsessed with you or with having a child. It is very possible a psychologist will find that while he has a screw loose where you are concerned, that will not make him a danger to the child.

I am compelled to add something here. I've said this before, but every woman should ask herself what type of father the guy will be BEFORE she consents to sex with him. There is no 100% way to insure one doesn't get pregnant.

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Originally Posted by missneekole

We were only seeing each other for about a month, and he had hinted something to that effect after I told him that I was pregnant, which was not a surprise to him at all.

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This is posted on a fairly regular basis. Apparently there are a lot of men who poke holes in condoms.

Another reason a woman should also be on birth control.

And, again, you need to PROVE is has mental issues - if/when he wants visitation, ask for a Psych evaluation. That will be granted IF there is reason to believe he has a history.

In the meantime - every time he bothers you, report it to the Police.

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Originally Posted by missneekole

... And then, I found out that he got me pregnant on purpose (poking holes in condoms, though I can't legally prove anything).. ...

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To my knowledge, even if you could prove it, the poking of holes doesn't have any legal consequenses.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

This is posted on a fairly regular basis. Apparently there are a lot of men who poke holes in condoms.

Another reason a woman should also be on birth control.

And, again, you need to PROVE is has mental issues - if/when he wants visitation, ask for a Psych evaluation. That will be granted IF there is reason to believe he has a history.

In the meantime - every time he bothers you, report it to the Police.

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Does having an email conversation between him and I where he confessed trying to shoot himself in the head count as proof? This is something I learned very recently (because the hits just keep coming) and it was the last straw that made me truly not want him to have any rights to my child.

I also read somewhere that he can sign over his paternal rights, does anyone know how that works in Washington state?

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Originally Posted by missneekole

Does having an email conversation between him and I where he confessed trying to shoot himself in the head count as proof? This is something I learned very recently (because the hits just keep coming) and it was the last straw that made me truly not want him to have any rights to my child.

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It will depend, e-mails may not be admissible unless they can be authenticated.

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Originally Posted by missneekole

I also read somewhere that he can sign over his paternal rights, does anyone know how that works in Washington state?

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You read wrong. Only a court can terminate rights and courts will not do so, unless you can prove he's a danger.

First and for most, no one is going to be awarded visitation until DNA is proven. Second you can go to the police department and tell them you fear for your safety, from this person and that you fear he is going to hurt you. You can tell them he has been stalking you, and that you fear the safety of your baby. NO Judge in this Country will deny you a RO because if they do and he does something to you or the baby, they will have to pay a very very high price. Today because of the amount of abuse and deaths Judges do not give RO (restraining orders) if a person fears their life and safety and the safety or their unborn.
I know this, if you go to the police and tell them you fear for your life and the babies and they do nothing, you go to another town, NO one what's another tragic happenings because no one listened.

Correction they do not give a RO... they will give you a RO if your fear your safety and the babies especially since you only dated month. Also he can't say its his, because maybe you had other dates that month.

Everyone is missing an important issue, he will not get visitation or anything if se has had other partners. DNA testing would have to be proven. Also she has a right to file for a restraining order.

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Originally Posted by trueirishangel

First and for most, no one is going to be awarded visitation until DNA is proven. Second you can go to the police department and tell them you fear for your safety, from this person and that you fear he is going to hurt you. you can tell them he has been stalking you, and that you fear the safety of your baby. NO Judge in this Country will deny you a RO because if they do and he does something to you or the baby, they will have to pay a very very high price. Today bc of the amount of abuse and deaths Judges do not give RO (restraining orders) if a person fears their life and safety and the safety or their unborn.
I know this, if you go to the police and tell them you fear for your life and the babies and they do nothing, you go to another town, NO one whats another tragic happenings bc no one listened.

Correction they do not give a RO........they will give you a RO if your fear your safety and the babies especially since you only dated month. also he can't say its his, bc maybe you had other dates that month.

Everyone is missing an important issue, he will not get visitation or anything if se has had other partners. DNA testing would have to be proven. Also she has a right to file for a restraining order.

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Babies? She is pregnant, has no other children from what I'm reading.

It's a given that if "he" files for visitation or custody the Court will order DNA. I have no idea what "DNA would have to be proven" means. She doesn't have to have "other partners." The Court will require the DNA, other partners or not.

Of course she has a right to a Restraining Order but OP can't just walk into Court wand repeat what she's said here - she needs proof.

Where is your experience in these matters? I'm in NY, and my experience is not the same as yours.

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Originally Posted by trueirishangel

no one is going to be awarded visitation until DNA is proven. Second you can go to the police department and tell them you fear for your safety, .... NO Judge in this Country will deny you a RO

Everyone is missing an important issue, he will not get visitation or anything if se has had other partners. DNA testing would have to be proven. Also she has a right to file for a restraining order.

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First, you are correct, a court will require a paternity test before awarding any level of custody or visitaton. But no one is missing that. The OP believes this guy is the father. She gave no indication that he wasn't. Therefore, it is likely he will be declared the father. So that really is a non-issue.

Second, judges don't rule out of fear, they rule on the law. And while it is very possible a judge will issue a temp RO in this case, we don't know whether it will be followed with a permanent order. The OP still has to prove that he is a danger to her and/or the child before a permanent order will be issued. Getting an RO is not as easy as you seem to think. The guy still has rights too.

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Originally Posted by trueirishangel

... Everyone is missing an important issue, he will not get visitation or anything if se has had other partners. ...

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Oh? Really?

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Originally Posted by trueirishangel

First and for most, no one is going to be awarded visitation until DNA is proven. Second you can go to the police department and tell them you fear for your safety, from this person and that you fear he is going to hurt you. you can tell them he has been stalking you, and that you fear the safety of your baby. NO Judge in this Country will deny you a RO because if they do and he does something to you or the baby, they will have to pay a very very high price. Today bc of the amount of abuse and deaths Judges do not give RO (restraining orders) if a person fears their life and safety and the safety or their unborn.
I know this, if you go to the police and tell them you fear for your life and the babies and they do nothing, you go to another town, NO one whats another tragic happenings bc no one listened.

Correction they do not give a RO........they will give you a RO if your fear your safety and the babies especially since you only dated month. also he can't say its his, bc maybe you had other dates that month.
Everyone is missing an important issue, he will not get visitation or anything if se has had other partners. DNA testing would have to be proven. Also she has a right to file for a restraining order.

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There is nothing to suggest that any of the highlighted issues your trying to push here are true. The OP has said nothing of multiple partners. The police don't issue restraining orders nor has stalking even been suggested. Also DNA does not have to be established to get custody. The father could sign a AOP form and no DNA is needed for accepting the responsibility of being a father.

http://singleparents.about.com/od/pa...-paternity.htm