All my life I longed for friends. I love to be around people, to have fun and share every moment with worthy persons. Though, it doesn't matter how kind or how much time and energy I invest, I always end up alone. All my so called 'friends' simply let me down out of the blue without any explanations or warnings. At least, I wish I knew the reason they disappear this way so that I can make a change if it is my fault, but from my point of view I didn't do anything wrong.

Sometimes I tend to believe I don't choose my friends correctly, but I don't think this is possible because I am shy person and quite weird (I would rather say different) to some people, so I hardly make friends and when somebody is able to talk about really personal problems that can't be shared apart from family or allow me in their imperfect world, I think it's a sign that the friendship becomes serious.

Sometimes I believe the reason I always get here is that they misunderstand my kindness and support and start taking advantage of me till they get bored and dump me.

These 'friends' usually get rid of me when I get through a rough or busy period. In these moments I may need some time on my own to figure out some solutions and probably I'm not as funny as usual, but I assure you that I'm not impossible to live with. I talk about my problems but never make a big deal of them and I don't burden people with MY problems. As for the times I am busy with school or something else, they simply forget about me. And that's depressing...

So, what's going on? Is there something I don't see? Any idea would be great. Thanks!

First off, you have to change your expectations. What you are expecting from all your friends are soemthing you MIGHT expect from only y9ur closest friends... and even then... its a tossup.

I consider friends people I can easily converse with, likely share a common interest with.. But I might not hang out with them. They may come and they may go... I don't take it personal as we each have out own lives and we each have our own obligations.

My closest friends I might share confidences in... but even then how much depends on just how good a friend... and how long they have been a friend. And always tempered by how many they have shared with me.

I also don't expect anyone to drop anything and come running when I need help... you can ask... if any come be thankful... don't take it personal if they don't. You don't know their reasons... maybe they had something more important... maybe they just didn't want bothered... just remember the next time THEY ask for something and base your decision on how much they went out of their way over the time you knew them and make a judgement call... meaning, if you were doing nothing, sure, help them... but don't drop important planned projects just because someone asked for help.

Also... try not to be needy and clingy... that tends to put off people too... as it makes them feel more like a social worker than a friend.

I totally agree with you on the difference between friends and close friends. All of us have more people to make some nice talk with (friends) and a few close people to spend more time with and have a deeper connection (close friends).

I reckon I wasn't specific enough, but I was talking about close friends. As you said I have expectations (I think everybody does), namely sincerity, good manners and understanding. I don't think it's too much, it's what I call tha basic characteristics of a friendship.

Though, I can honestly say I'm not needy, in fact, I'm quite independent and if I need something I prefer to do it myself. I understand if other people are busy or don't want to bother with me, but what I cannot understand is how one's so called best friends completely disappear from your life and pretend they don't know you at all, it doesn't matter if they know you for a few years / months and how many aspects you both shared. That's not friendship. That's betrayal. It happened to me a thousand times and as I already said, apparently they left for no reason. Is it possible they only played as friends in order to get something from me? For I cannot understand this paradoxical change in their attitude.

Consider this... maybe their plate was full. (what they can deal with in life). And to make room for the stuff they need the most you had to be cut out... there will be points in your life a change in a job... or a move maybe even just a promotion changes enough parts of your life you will have to make changes... sometimes these involve other people.

And every so often you will have a case of you just drift apart as you grow and change... and we do all grow and change, particularly in our earlier years like teens and 20's...

I'm guessing you're in your 20's. You probibly haven't made major geographical changes and have lived most of your life in one area? Is that correct?

See, I've lived in three different states, worked about a dozen employers and made 2 international round trip moves... Its hard but you learn to go with the flow.

Wow, your answer it's very enlightning! You are right about all the mentioned aspects and I must say I didn't consider this point of view. Now I see that a friendship is not influenced only by people but by other circumstances, too. So, thank you very much for helping me :)

And as you get older, you will find circumstances play even bigger roles in who your circle of friends are. Because as your responsibilities grow, you will find your free time shrinks.

Close , really close friends are rare, And even they let you down often. But if you are their friends you let it go and stay friends.

As smoothy, I have lived in 4 countries, and dozens of US states. I only have one really close friend, I had dozens of people I knew and we were friends, but I would never expect too much out of them.

And it is not a equal, I give, so you give. You give expecting nothing in return.