Ask Me Help Desk - Start of custody battle

Hello everyone, I have encountered a little problem with my daughters mother. My daughter has recently turned 6 years old. Her mother and I have not been together since the summer she turned 3 (so 3 years separated). We were engaged to be married but things happened and I called of the engagement. Upon the ending of the relationship the mother moved out of my house (the house in which my daughter has lived since she was 1) and moved into an apartment. Once she moved out we talked and agreed on a custody schedule of one week at her mothers and one week at my home. This has worked well for the past 3 years with no problems at all. My daughter gets equal time with her mother and father. Through out the years I have always carried insurance on my daughter (medical, dental and vision) along with paying for child care (even when she was with her mother). So I have paid for 90% of everything my daughter has ever needed, and I was glad to do it. Now my ex is saying that she is moving 30 minutes away (this will be her 3rd move since we separated, and I have not moved once). She said she is taking my daughter and that I can only see her every other weekend. She is also taking about pulling my daughter out of the school she has been in for the past two years and enrolling her into and much lower ranked school (ranking done by the state). So I am hear asking if anyone has had a similar situation and if so the out come. I am currently in contact with a lawyer about filing papers to keep things exactly the way they are. Same visitations and same school and everything. I just fear that it will turn into a full custody battle. Is there any chance that I would be able to obtain full custody if it came to it? I know I have a few things going for me, but sometimes that doesn't meant much. Any help would be greatly appropriated. Thank You!

Quote:

Originally Posted by BuskeyeMike

Hello everyone, I have encountered a little problem with my daughters mother. My daughter has recently turned 6 years old. Her mother and I have not been together since the summer she turned 3 (so 3 years separated). We were engaged to be married but things happened and I called of the engagement. Upon the ending of the relationship the mother moved out of my house (the house in which my daughter has lived since she was 1) and moved into an apartment. Once she moved out we talked and agreed on a custody schedule of one week at her mothers and one week at my home. This has worked well for the past 3 years with no problems at all. My daughter gets equal time with her mother and father. Through out the years I have always carried insurance on my daughter (medical, dental and vision) along with paying for child care (even when she was with her mother). So i have paid for 90% of everything my daughter has ever needed, and I was glad to do it. Now my ex is saying that she is moving 30 minutes away (this will be her 3rd move since we separated, and I have not moved once). She said she is taking my daughter and that I can only see her every other weekend. She is also taking about pulling my daughter out of the school she has been in for the past two years and enrolling her into and much lower ranked school (ranking done by the state). So I am hear asking if anyone has had a similar situation and if so the out come. I am currently in contact with a lawyer about filing papers to keep things exactly the the way they are. Same visitations and same school and everything. I just fear that it will turn into a full custody battle. Is there any chance that I would be able to obtain full custody if it came to it? I know I have a few things going for me, but sometimes that doesn't meant much. Any help would be greatly appropriated. Thank You!

You can only get full custody IF you can PROVE the mother is unfit. That doesn't sound like that's the case.

I would expect there to be a very specific order concerning support, visitation, custody. Whether the mother will be able to move the child and change schools will depend to a large degree on her reasons for the changes - cost of living, job, something else.

I am rather amazed that you've continued the arrangement for this long without a Court Order.

I don't know how you are figuring you've paid for 90% of what your daughter has needed - medical insurance, child care, clothing, utilities, food and everything else. The Courts "usually" have a form which both parents complete concerning support.

Some States order support based on a percentage of income and others have different formulas.

So I any of the existig agreements in writing and approved by the judge ?

If not, why not? She can do anything she wants if there is no court order.

You need to file to try and stop her move, and to file for joint custody of the child, to continue the 50/50 split

Thanks for the quick reply. The mother is only moving because her lease is up at her current apartment. It has nothing to do with income and anything else. Honestly I think it is on personal reason by the mother. So she is going to try and change everything in my daughters life just because she wants to move. She will still be driving to town (the current town she lives in) to work everyday. So that's just more added time she will not be with her daughter. I don't want to try for full custody if its not needed. I believe the current conditions are great for my daughter. Has worked for so long with no problems. But if it were to come to the point of full custody battle. From what I have read (doing a lot of research) the courts do not automatically side with the mother. They see what is best for the child regardless of which parent it is with. But again I want joint custody for my daughter.. I have been in contact with a lawyer and am going to fill out paper work and have it to where she is not aloud to take my daughter out of the jurisdiction until everything is settled. So that is just step one. But I am not sure what will follow. If she will agree to this and keep everything as it is, or if it will become a custody battle.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BuskeyeMike

Thanks for the quick reply. The mother is only moving because her lease is up at her current apartment. It has nothing to do with income and anything else. Honestly I think it is on personal reason by the mother. So she is going to try and change everything in my daughters life just bec she wants to move. She will still be driving to town (the current town she lives in) to work everyday. So thats just more added time she will not be with her daughter. I dont want to try for full custody if its not needed. I believe the current conditions are great for my daughter. Has worked for so long with no problems. But if it were to come to the point of full custody battle. From what I have read (doing a lot of research) the courts do not automatically side with the mother. They see what is best for the child regardless of which parent it is with. But again I want joint custody for my daughter.. I have been in contact with a lawyer and am going to fill out paper work and have it to where she is not aloud to take my daughter out of the jurisdiction until everything is settled. So that is just step one. But I am not sure what will follow. If she will agree to this and keep everything as it is, or if it will become a custody battle.

Why, if you know, after a number of years has the mother decided to cause a problem?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

You can only get full custody IF you can PROVE the mother is unfit. ....

Not necessarily true. As OP's research has indicated,

Quote:

Originally Posted by BuskeyeMike

... From what I have read (doing a lot of research) the courts do not automatically side with the mother. They see what is best for the child regardless of which parent it is with. ...

Although, the courts usually awarded 'shared" custody of some sort instead of "full custody" to one parent or the other.

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Originally Posted by AK lawyer

Not necessarily true. As OP's research has indicated,

Although, the courts usually awared 'shared" custody of some sort instead of "full custody" to one parent or the other.

There is no Court ordered custody the way I'm reading this. Isn't the mother free to go wherever, whenever up until there is an Order to the contrary?

I do not believe in a custody fight that the father will get "full custody" unless the mother is unfit - or disobeys a Court Order (which at this time does not exist).

What am I missing?

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

There is no Court ordered custody the way I'm reading this. Isn't the mother free to go wherever, whenever up until there is an Order to the contrary?...

Yes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

... I do not believe in a custody fight that the father will get "full custody" unless the mother is unfit - or disobeys a Court Order (which at this time does not exist).

What am I missing?

You're not missing anything. I simply agree with many courts which prefer not to use the "unfit" metaphor (which suggests a parent is like a leaking ship, falling-apart house, or something), and instead use the "best interest of the child" rubric.

It's conceivable that under some circumstances one or the other parent could be awarded sole physical custody without necessarily deciding that the other parent is incurably defective (or "unfit").