I'm 18 and my husband is 20. Basically, I'm tried of my marriage, but I still love my husband. I can't forgive and forget. He got deployed last July (that July we started dating and got engaged), and he was saying things to girls he shouldn't have said and asked for pictures even after we got married in January. He kept on lying to me about something that happened while I was in California in March and I didn't find out it till May while he was gone for a month by his friend who lied to me about it in the first place. He didn't cheat, it was like another woman still. Our marriage isn't just that. I work and go school. Either I'm at school or work or at home doing homework, I don't have time anymore for house chores or quality time for my husband yet he still expects me to do the house chores. I'm fed up with it he says when he comes home he just wants to relax, but honeslty I've came home and I find him skipping work. He doesn't do barely any chores unless I tell him to and it takes him 3 days or a week for him to do it. He invites his friends over who don't even like me, and still expects me to try to be friends with them when I honestly don't have time. Any friends or people I've met he says something so I wouldn't hang out with them or talk to them. We've gotten into verbal, emotional and sometimes physical fights. Blocks the door sometimes, or holds me down and puts me in the bedroom if I'm wanting to leave the house during a fight, but he can leave whenever he feels like even if I ask him not to. I don't have a car it's not like I have his friends to help me out. I just bought him a motorcycle, so he can understand hey I know you wanted this and I really need the car and a license to get to school and work instead of walking. There's not even a try in doing anything.

I honestly feel like I'm wasting my time with this marriage. I've tried marriage counseling but honestly it doesn't seem like it is working. I'm heading back into depression, and there's too much negative thoughts about everything. Just want to know if things can change or if I just need to leave before I dig my own grave in this marriage.

Things can always change.

Both of you are young and you will both change as you grow up.

Most people get into a relationship thinking they can change the things they don't like about the other person. Everyone has already tried that and it doesn't work. Trying to change someone ruins your relationship. Accepting them completely as they are gives it a chance.

But in any situation, you only have control over yourself, and in order for things to change for you, you have to change.

If you become more loving, more caring, more forgiving, more generous, and become the person you want to be, not the person that the situation makes you, and you still don't like the relationship then leave. But first change everything you can about yourself to see if that changes the situation. It usually will.

But remember that when you live by yourself, you will still study, do homework, have the "chores" to do, etc. etc. None of that will change by leaving - in fact, it may get worse.

Therefor always, always, focus on what you're grateful for in a relationship not what you don't like.

Okay, so from the sounds of it your relationship is just in an all around bad place right now. He lies to you and has his friends lying to you. This is a big issue alone, you need to be able to talk to each other about everything. Communication is everything in marriage, you should be able to talk openly about everything and not have to worry about lying or cheating. If you cannot trust each other, the marriage will never work.

I can say that I know a lot of military members, they are great men and women when it comes to fighting for their country, but they do not always make the greatest spouses. So many military relationships do not work out because of all the time spent apart and the "opportunities" that happen to present themselves when you are not together. If he is not willing to turn away from these opportunities, things are never going to work.

You're both young, this is something that can change as you both mature, but at the same time it may not. You need to ask yourself if you are willing to wait around to see or if you want to get out while you are still young. Relationships like this can lead to low self-esteem and make your future harder for you if you decide to stay and things end up failing anyway.

You both need to sit down and talk. You need to set up some boundaries and find an understanding of what each wants from this marriage. He cannot expect you to do all the work, marriage is something you both need to be willing to share equal work in. If he is not willing to have this conversation with you, he may just want you around for a maid, not a wife.

Do not just stay in the relationship because you do not want to be alone, you may have to go to school, work, and clean your own place as well; but you won't have someone nagging you about it and making you feel worse. Try to move in with someone you can rely on if need be since you do not have a car. Try to save money for a car instead of wasting your money on someone that doesn't seem grateful for what you do for them.

I hope everything works out for you.

Ive been there. I was 20 when I married my husband. Things were fine for a while then I had my daughter. After that I found inappropriate pictures of women on his phone. Long distance phone calls to women and calls to singles chat lines. Then for days he would leave the house and be gone all night and wouldn't return till the next morning. I found out through his ex mother inlaw he had been seeing some girl in the same neighborhood as her daughter. I confronted him ans of course he lied. We have managed to work through it. And things are better. But still not perfect. If you really love him and want to work it out then its worth a shot. BUT he has to be willing to do it.