Ask Me Help Desk - Boyfriend not attracted to me?

My boyfriend and I met on E-Harmony.We moved in together after 2 months of dating. He was so affectionate and we had so much passion those first 2 months but a month after moving in, I started to have health problems, we started to have money problems and he actually chaffed his penis. We stopped having sex as regularly, I put on some weight and now, we haven't had sex for aprox.7.5 months... We've only been dating for 11 months... He said that he loves me but that I'm significantly more attractive with a few less pounds. I asked him if he 15lbs I've gained are the reason we haven't been having sex, he says its his chaffed penis. It shouldn't take this long for it to heal. At first he was religious about applying eosporin (for the first 3 weeks) 7 months later he doesn't even attempt to fix the problem. He never snuggles me unless I beg him. We never have sex but I do love him and he does provide for us. I just am so sick of feeling unattractive to him. Every other guy I meet huts on me and tells me how attractive I am. The one person I want and need to find me irrisistable, doesn't. We have talked about it but the more we talk about it the worse it gets. I just am so tired but I do love him.

You met a total stranger online and moved in with him two months later. The relationship has been poor for 7.5 months. He won't do anything to fix the problem. You are with him for the money, I take it?

We talked for a couple of months before we started dating. We met each others families and friends before we moved in. Our initial intention was for me to live with him temporarily till I got a job and could afford a place of my own (since I moved down to his state.) After a bit we just decided that it made more sense to just live with each other. Everything else in our relationship is fine. We're best friends and we both would rather hangout with each other than anyone else.After I wrote in this forum the other day, I woke him up (it was the middle of the night) and decided to approach this conversation differently. We realized that I come from a super warm, affectionate supportive family. He comes from a cold, critical, sarcastic, family. Any confrontation or problem we have usually stems from that. I am warm and affectionate and expect everyone to be over the top with complements and snuggling because that's how I grew up. If you give my boyfriend the tiniest complement he thinks it's gold and when you cuddle him just a little bit it's like an all day cuddle session for someone else. Money wise, there isn't a lot. I'm just out of college and he is in the military. When I say he provides for us, I mean, as of right now I make less than him and put a strain on him financially but he never complains. The only thing he asks is for me to help clean. Which I haven't been doing for half of the relationship because I have chronic fatigue. He feels like I'm just being lazy (which is kind of true.) The more you exercise the more energy you get but I haven't been exercising or cleaning. When we first met I was super industrious and happy and passionate... after college I have just kind of felt lost... maybe slightly depressed since I'm financially responsible for all $70,000 of college loans, phone bills, car payment, insurance... and I can't get a job that has decent pay to alleviate some of the stress. So, he is stressed, I am stressed and I'm being lazy, which makes him less attracted to me... So, instead of being a nag I decided to be proactive and do something about it. I am cleaning more, signed up to become a police officer (good pay and helps me get into shape plus adds direction to my life. Also, reimburses you for college loans) Amazingly, since I made these changes, the boyfriend is significantly more affectionate. So, good communication, and actions are what I needed. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jorji

We talked for a couple of months before we started dating. We met each others families and friends before we moved in. Our initial intention was for me to live with him temporarily till I got a job and could afford a place of my own (since I moved down to his state.) After a bit we just decided that it made more sense to just live with each other. Everything else in our relationship is fine. We're best friends and we both would rather hangout with each other than anyone else.After I wrote in this forum the other day, I woke him up (it was the middle of the night) and decided to approach this conversation differently. We realized that I come from a super warm, affectionate supportive family. He comes from a cold, critical, sarcastic, family. Any confrontation or problem we have usually stems from that. I am warm and and affectionate and expect everyone to be over the top with complements and snuggling because that's how I grew up. If you give my boyfriend the tiniest complement he thinks it's gold and when you cuddle him just a little bit it's like an all day cuddle session for someone else. Money wise, there isn't a lot. I'm just out of college and he is in the military. When I say he provides for us, I mean, as of right now I make less than him and put a strain on him financially but he never complains. The only thing he asks is for me to help clean. Which I haven't been doing for half of the relationship because I have chronic fatigue. He feels like I'm just being lazy (which is kinda of true.) The more you exercise the more energy you get but I haven't been exercising or cleaning. When we first met I was super industrious and happy and passionate...after college I have just kind of felt lost... maybe slightly depressed since I'm financially responsible for all $70,000 of college loans, phone bills, car payment, insurance... and I can't get a job that has decent pay to alleviate some of the stress. So, he is stressed, I am stressed and I'm being lazy, which makes him less attracted to me... So, instead of being a nag I decided to be proactive and do something about it. I am cleaning more, signed up to become a police officer (good pay and helps me get into shape plus adds direction to my life. Also, reimburses you for college loans) Amazingly, since I made these changes, the boyfriend is significantly more affectionate. So, good communication, and actions are what I needed. :)

That's great to hear :). Let us know how things progress in your life.