My husband and I have been married for 8 years. We have three beautiful children. We have had a great marriage but I have always wondered if he could be gay. When he was in high school he had one very close male friend. They would go to movies together by themselves. I was my husbands first real girlfriend and his friend had never had a girlfriend.
We broke up because we were so young. He went onto college and became a cheerleader and said it was for a scholarship. He began frosting his hair and shaving his body. We eventually got back together and got married. I never really gave much thought to any of this even though it was odd.
Later in the marriage our mutal friends would ask me if I thought he could be gay and I brushed it off. But over the years I had been asked a lot. It made me really concerned. I didn't know how to ask him without hurting his feelings. So I came up with a plan to find out without asking.
One evening I asked him if he would be interested in have a foursome with another couple. He said he would be OK with it. So we began to set guidelines about want we would be willing to do and what we wouldn't. He said he would be OK with the guy giving him oral and he would give the guy oral as well. I was completely shocked! I had never intended to have a foursome I figured he would say no way. Now I don't know what to think. Please help! Is he gay?

Also I forgot to mention that he has wanted me to use a dildo on him. He also is addicted to porn.

Addicted or just like porn ? Almost all men watch porn, addiction is when it disrupts his or your life. So does he just like to watch porn or is pron causing problems in the marriage.

Many men like anal stimulation and their female partners use dildo with them, just as they do anal sex with their female partners.

He agreed to a foursome because you asked, if you did not want to, why did you bring it up. So this means you are OK with having sex with a women,? Does that make you a lesbian now ? Since you are agree to have sex with women, in fact you suggested it.

Sorry, could he be gay? Yes, I don''t see any evidence of it, from what you are saying.

You in fact have insulted all of the 1000s of male cheer leaders and men who like good hygene and shave body hair.

Yeah, he could be gay... he could be bi... there's no solid proof one way or the other.

He is addicted. It has caused problems in our marriage I have asked him to stop and he can't. The only reason I brought up the foursome is because I wanted to see what he would say. I didn't want to just ask him if he was gay for fear of hurting our marriage even more. I would not have sex with a female. I apologize for insulting anyone I did not mean to. On his particular team the males were all gay. I know not all teams are I'm very sorry for any confusion. I'm not against anyone being gay I am very sorry. I just need some advice because our marriage is hurting and we have 3 children to think about.

Maybe both of you need counseling. It seems like there is more wrong here than whether he could be gay.

What do you think is wrong? I really need advice?

I have tried to go to counseling for the porn problem but he wouldn't go with me.

Do you have a loving, husband/ wife relationship with him? Do you have a normal sex life?

Yes we love each other. Our sex life has slowed down a lot. He's not a very affectionate person.

Ok, just because you don't like it and he won't quit does not make it an addiction. It just means he thinks he has a right to look at it. Is he watching it instead of having sex with you or just in addition> How often does he look at it.

We get this here almost every day, a women does not like her boyfriend watching porn, and we come back normally with the same answer, he will watch it, you need to get over it and understand that he is either going to hide it and lie to you and watch it, or he is going to be honest about it.

Not all men, but many.

So how is it an addiction other than you not liking it, and he standing up for his rights to watch it if he wants to ?

He's not my boyfriend. He's my husband. He has tried to stop and can't its an everyday thing. We have 3 children that could easily walk in and see him watching it. Of course I don't like him watching it who would?

Definitely time for some counseling so you both can establish boundaries for his porn viewing and discuss your marital issues.

Actually many women share it with their husbands, they understand it is not cheating and have no problem with it with so ever.

Is it gay porn, is that the issue ?

Its both.

Him watching porn everyday is probably a symptom of bigger problems in your relationship. Watching porn can be a way to escape reality for a while, a way to unwind, a stress reliever. Nothing is wrong with that, it's healthy. But if he is doing it a lot (everyday for hours) then it does sound like he could have a problem.
But like I said it sounds like there is a much bigger issue here that hasn't been talked about. I wouldn't focus on the porn thing.

It does sound like he is at least bisexual.
You need to talk to him about any concerns you have. Pretending to want a foursome is a terrible way to try to figure out he is gay! It's best to be honest and straight forward. Why not ask why he sometimes watches gay porn? You don't have to ask "Are you gay?" you could ask "Have you ever fantasized about being with a guy?"

Be honest with him and tell him that you brought up a foursome only to hear his response. Be as nice and genuine as possible, that way he will be more likely open up to you. He might get mad at you for lying. It would be good for you to apologize and admit that it wasn't the best way to go about what you were trying to ask. But you were curious if he has ever thought about being with a man. You could say "since you said during a foursome you'd give and receive a blowjob, do you think you could be bisexual?" He might get defensive, but hopefully he will be honest with you.

When you are intimate does he seem to be really into you? Or have you felt like he is detached or not as into you as you wish he'd be? If you feel in your gut that he is into you and attracted to you and loves to have sex with you etc then he is probably just bisexual or "bicurious". But if you feel in your gut something is off when you are intimate, then it is possible he's gay.

Sexuality is complicated so he may not even fully know how he feels. Be as supportive as you can and hopefully he will open up to you.
Good luck!

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Originally Posted by Scacon

He is addicted. It has caused problems in our marriage I have asked him to stop and he can't. The only reason I brought up the foursome is because I wanted to see what he would say. I didn't want to just ask him if he was gay for fear of hurting our marriage even more. I would not have sex with a female. I apologize for insulting anyone I did not mean to. On his particular team the males were all gay. I know not all teams are I'm very sorry for any confusion. I'm not against anyone being gay I am very sorry. I just need some advice because our marriage is hurting and we have 3 children to think about.

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Why did you ask him to stop with the porn? You don realize that he will just get more clever. How was it affecting your marriage and his life in general? How's your sex life? Is he still have straight sex with his straight wife?

You're a bit of a tease aren't you? That is kind of entrapment isn't it? "Would you like a foursome?" "HA! I knew it! You're teh GHEY!!!" Just because you wouldn't go down on the woman doesn't mean that he isn't curious about going down on a man. He might be a little bi-curious. Which is fine. Sexuality is a spectrum and not a black and white question. The fact that you have KIDS with him and I assume that he is still having sex with you. I would say that he isn't.

I think you need to talk with him. You've put the possibility of group sex on the table, that isn't going to go away either. It was your idea even if you didn't want to do it. I don't see anything that out right says that he is gay. Though I would pretty much need to catch him in bed with a guy for that to happen.

BTW, who's most likely to get some of the cheerleader booty? The male cheerleaders. Just sayin'.