Ok, my husband and I were having a few problems and I was feeling really down and wondering if our relationship would make it! One of my girlfriends was also having problems with her husband, he and I were friends and use to chat every now and then! He started to message me and confide in me about their relationship and I in him! The dynamics changed when he started flirting and complimenting me and telling me he had had a crush on me for ages etc etc! This made me feel good and I longed for the compliments and the way he made me feel.. We were at a party one night and lots of us had a fair bit to drink... Long story short he kissed me and I didn't stop it.. I was confused for a long time but nothing else ever happened! I haven't told hubby but I'm still feeling guilty! I have thrown everything back into my relationship and everything with him is great and I rarely talk to my friend and her husband.. I just don't know if I should continue to keep my mouth shut and be happy with hubby now or tell him and potentially ruin everything! It's not my usual character and I totally regret it! I would never let myself get caught up in someone's words again! Help!

No, some minor transgressions that are really gone gone gone need to stay gone. You didn't pick up any diseases or even take your clothes off or have intercourse. It was one kiss and you were drunk.
If the guilt and uncertainty are killing you, then by all means tell, but plan how you tell carefully.

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Kissed another man, feeling guilty!

Anongirl6 (1 Posts) Asked Today, 07:48 AM —
Ok, my husband and I were having a few problems and I was feeling really down and wondering if our relationship would make it! One of my girlfriends was also having problems with her husband, he and I were friends and use to chat every now and then! He started to message me and confide in me about their relationship and I in him! The dynamics changed when he started flirting and complimenting me and telling me he had had a crush on me for ages etc etc! This made me feel good and I longed for the compliments and the way he made me feel.. We were at a party one night and lots of us had a fair bit to drink... Long story short he kissed me and I didn't stop it...! I was confused for a long time but nothing else ever happened! I haven't told hubby but I'm still feeling guilty! I have thrown everything back into my relationship and everything with him is great and I rarely talk to my friend and her husband.. I just don't know if I should continue to keep my mouth shut and be happy with hubby now or tell him and potentially ruin everything! It's not my usual character and I totally regret it! I would never let myself get caught up in someone's words again! Help!

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In deciding whether to tell you need to think about certain factors:

1, The kiss happened at a party. Did anyone else see you kiss?
2. Is there anyone who might know or find out about the indiscretion who might tell your husband? Would anyone tell his wife? Would that lead her to telling your husband?
3. Do you talk in your sleep?
4. Is it better coming from you than it would be if your husband found out in any other way?

It isn't just your conscience that you have to think about. It is if he could find out in any other way, at any time in the future, and how it would affect him and the relationship.

My issue mainly is that it has the potential to not only cause issues in my own marriage but also his as well as the fact I'm guaranteed to lose a friendship and my sister is also friends with his wife.. I know it was wrong and I feel like a horrible horible person for letting myself get caught up in his words! He knew I craved the attention that I wasn't getting at home and I feel he played on that to try and get me into bed (he says his wife never touches him) anyway I wasn't dumb enough to go that far but clearly too dumb to not push him away at first message or first kiss.. I love my husband and I don't want things to fall apart over a stupid mistake that shouldn't have been made!

.Edit.

What about Cat's questions?

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Originally Posted by joypulv

What about Cat's questions?

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No one saw us, I am 100% sure of that! And the only way they'd find out is if he or I told.. I don't think I talk in my sleep!
I would rather he found out from me but there is so much at stake besides my relationship with my husband..

There are people here who will want every little transgression told.
There are people (like me) who want to weigh each situation.
Cat has given the practical consideration of what if he finds out from someone else.
So...
What is your decision? Or do you want to wait for more responses? You could go to one session of a therapist or religious cleric.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

No, some minor transgressions that are really gone gone gone need to stay gone. You didn't pick up any diseases or even take your clothes off or have intercourse. It was one kiss and you were drunk.
If the guilt and uncertainty are killing you, then by all means tell, but plan how you tell carefully.

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well you should tell your husband he deserve to know.. But you also need to let him know were you need more attention in your marriage... I've learned that putting God in head of your marriage & by joining a Church of Christ... will help you work towards a descent marriage because no marriage will ever be perfect.. & my husband & I had to find out our like & dislikes.. ask him for more attention & compliments & u do the same of him.. Good luck! Huns

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Originally Posted by Anongirl6

My issue mainly is that it has the potential to not only cause issues in my own marriage but also his as well as the fact I'm guaranteed to lose a friendship and my sister is also friends with his wife....! I know it was wrong and I feel like a horrible horible person for letting myself get caught up in his words! He knew I craved the attention that I wasn't getting at home and I feel he played on that to try and get me into bed (he says his wife never touches him) anyway I wasn't dumb enough to go that far but clearly too dumb to not push him away at first message or first kiss...! I love my husband and I don't want things to fall apart over a stupid mistake that shouldn't have been made!

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The only one who can make the decision to tell or not is you. It sounds like you had a weak moment and are now putting your energy where it should have been before getting involved with this person. Some people need a scare to make them see what they have and what they want. Whether you tell or not, forgive yourself. Holding on to guilt can cause more issues than telling might.

I do have one last caution. This man sounds like an experienced cheater. He may not have gotten caught in the past, but he may in the future. Be prepared to be caught up in any fall-out should his currently peaceful marriage erupt.

No need to tell anything to your hubby . Otherwise you will regret more after saying this. After all he is a man won't tolerate.

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Originally Posted by shweta123

no need to tell anything to ur hubby . otherwise u will regret more after saying this. after all he is a man wont tolerate.

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This is offensive - "after all he is a man won't tolerate"?

Please don't generalize based on your experience and culture (which plays a part here).

Don't tell anything to your hubby. This can spoil your relation with your husband. Forget what has happened and focus on your marriage.

Stop feeling guilty and live happily.