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-   -   Freshman in high school with best friend problems, any advice? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=703041)

  • Sep 18, 2012, 03:59 PM
    hyliancitizen
    Freshman in high school with best friend problems, any advice?
    I just started my freshman year of high school with my best friend since 5th grade. We've gone to the same schools our whole lives. My best friend, let's call her Kayla, has an older sister one grade above us. Kayla is your typical outgoing, loud-mouthed(in a good way), lovable 15 year old. For some reason it's super easy to make friends with her. I am the complete and utter opposite. I'm quiet, shy, very much an introvert and I can only talk to people that talk to me first. Kayla seems to fit right into the high school scene, she's got friends literally freaking everywhere she goes. I don't have half as many friends as her. Since her sister is a sophomore, all the upperclassmen LOVE her. They talk to her, mess with her and treat her like they'd treat one of their own really good friends. And she just eats it up. She does the same right back to them. All the while I'm sitting next to her completely left out. There are a couple of instances where she's talking to a guy I've liked for a while and she just completely rubs it in my face. She knows that I like him, yet she still talks to him and messes with him RIGHT in front of me. Then she tells me all about their conversations when I wasn't there, she doesn't leave out a single detail. I understand that it's her life and she can do whatever the hell she wants, but I just feel like I'm losing her as a friend. She only talks to me when she has no one else to talk to. She even told me that. Albeit it may have been in a joking manner... Whatever. I feel like she doesn't cherish our friendship nearly as much as I do. I get her gifts and write her letters telling her how much she means to me. In return? Nothing. I'm just her confession booth. She tells me whatever the hell is going on in her life but doesn't spend a second to listen to what's going on in mine. She's popular. I'm not. What should I do? She probably won't care if I stop being her friend, but she won't know how much its hurting me. She doesn't even know anything is wrong. I love her, but at the same time hate her for her ignorance. I can't just keep pretending everything is all fine and dandy. I don't know if I'm overreacting, or over evaluting the situation, or if I'm just being a whiny hormonal teenager. I don't know what to do anymore. She says she loves me, but she doesn't show it.
  • Sep 18, 2012, 07:01 PM
    teacherjenn4
    Sounds like you are giving more to the friendship than she is. If you can't tell her these issues, straight out, then write her a note and let her know how you feel. Try to make some new friends by studying together. Have you joined any clubs at school?
  • Sep 18, 2012, 07:17 PM
    Fr_Chuck
    Sounds like she is growing, making new friends and you are jealous. You are sitting there, so when you say they are ignore you, guess what they are saying you ignore them.

    You got to move out of that hiding and confort zone and start talking with them, or you will soon be left behind
  • Sep 18, 2012, 07:28 PM
    Homegirl 50
    It's time to move out of your comfort zone and make your won set of friends. Stop sulking over her. She is doing her thing, you need to do yours.
  • Sep 18, 2012, 07:52 PM
    hyliancitizen
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by teacherjenn4 View Post
    Sounds like you are giving more to the friendship than she is. If you can't tell her these issues, straight out, then write her a note and let her know how you feel. Try to make some new friends by studying together. Have you joined any clubs at school?

    Yeah I've joined a couple clubs, and she joined them with me, we all have basically the same group of friends. She's just more involved with them. I've had a similar problems to this before and we talked about it. Now that I've had time to cool off, I realize I was kind of freaking out over nothing. I'm still going to try the stuff you said, but the problem isn't as bad as I thought it was. Thank you so much for the advice!
  • Sep 18, 2012, 07:56 PM
    hyliancitizen
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    Sounds like she is growing, making new friends and you are jealous. You are sitting there, so when you say they are ignore you, guess what they are saying you ignore them.

    You got to move out of that hiding and confort zone and start talking with them, or you will soon be left behind

    You're right. From an outside perspective, it looks like I'm being a b-word by just sitting there while everyone's talking. I am jealous, but only because she's so easygoing. I'll try to expand my boundaries some more, thanks so much for helping!
  • Sep 18, 2012, 07:59 PM
    hyliancitizen
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    It's time to move out of your comfort zone and make your won set of friends. Stop sulking over her. She is doing her thing, you need to do yours.

    We've been friends for a really long time and it's hard for me to just give her up like that. But you're right, I'm not being smart about this. I'll try to pop out of my shell and be a little more approachable. I know I can, cause I do it with my friends all the time. Thanks for the insight! I really needed an outside look on this cause I was overreacting reaaaal bad haha. Thanks again!
  • Sep 19, 2012, 04:48 AM
    Homegirl 50
    You're welcome. I wish you well.

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