*I am not trolling anybody here
*Advice(s) however harsh are welcome
*In case I missed out any details please feel free to point it out

Good day to all of you here.

I am in my mid 20s and so is my girlfriend. We have been in a relationship for 4 years now. Our relationship have gone through its ups and downs and there are times when we get frustrated with each other but I still love her. At some point in my life I realized that "what if I was missing something? I'm going to get married soon and there are still things I haven't experience yet" I was thinking about this because once I get married I don't want to do something foolish that may put my family in jeopardy. After going through a rough patch in my life and there were times that I resisted the temptation to cheat on her but I cheated on her.. and I felt guilty afterwards, really really guilty and I put a stop to that immediately. I don't want to tell her because I know she'll leave me, I know it is selfish but I do not want to lose her. It has also been putting a strain in our relationship because I can't seem to get it up whenever we have sex.

You know the answer to this.

It's not fair to her to keep this a secret. You need to tell her, even if it means she leaves you. You made the choice to cheat on her so you should not be the one to determine your consequence. She should be the one to decide whether you stay or go.

It appears that your title 'I am guilty' is directly related to your inability to have sex with your girlfriend.
Therefore you can't keep on this way.
I'm not so sure that confessing every transgression in our pasts is the right answer in every case. You say you put a stop to your cheating. You don't say how much you cheated or for how long... only you can decide what is PAST and over and done and not you anymore, and what needs to be revealed.

You can confess and deal with losing her. You can see a therapist. You can see a religious cleric. You have options.

It should be her choice to continue with you or not. The only right thing to do is to tell her before you get married. Otherwise, you are going to start the marriage off based on a lie and that is never good. Tell her the truth and allow her to decide what is best for her, it is her life too after all. She is going to promise you her whole life... to death. She deserves to know what and who she is promising it to. Otherwise, you are just a used car salesman so to speak. And that will dirty the whole relationship.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by joypulv

It appears that your title 'I am guilty' is directly related to your inability to have sex with your girlfriend.
Therefore you can't keep on this way.
I'm not so sure that confessing every transgression in our pasts is the right answer in every case. You say you put a stop to your cheating. You don't say how much you cheated or for how long... only you can decide what is PAST and over and done and not you anymore, and what needs to be revealed.

You can confess and deal with losing her. You can see a therapist. You can see a religious cleric. You have options.

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I had sex with another woman and it only happened once.

So.. what is your feeling about this? Have any of the responses here helped you to decide?

After you cheated, did you have sex with your soon to be wife?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by joypulv

It appears that your title 'I am guilty' is directly related to your inability to have sex with your girlfriend.
Therefore you can't keep on this way.
I'm not so sure that confessing every transgression in our pasts is the right answer in every case. You say you put a stop to your cheating. You don't say how much you cheated or for how long... only you can decide what is PAST and over and done and not you anymore, and what needs to be revealed.

You can confess and deal with losing her. You can see a therapist. You can see a religious cleric. You have options.

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So he cheats on his girlfriend and he's allowed to choose whether he can tell her?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by joypulv

It appears that your title 'I am guilty' is directly related to your inability to have sex with your girlfriend.
Therefore you can't keep on this way.
I'm not so sure that confessing every transgression in our pasts is the right answer in every case. You say you put a stop to your cheating. You don't say how much you cheated or for how long... only you can decide what is PAST and over and done and not you anymore, and what needs to be revealed.

You can confess and deal with losing her. You can see a therapist. You can see a religious cleric. You have options.

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I have asked advise from an elder and a priest.. They said the same thing. About learning from it and that I should not tell her.

But I am still guilty..

I'm thinking of ending this relationship but I'm not going to tell her about what happened..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by que sera sera

I have asked advise from an elder and a priest.. They said the same thing. About learning from it and that I should not tell her.

but I am still guilty..

I'm thinking of ending this relationship but i'm not going to tell her about what happened..

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How is this fair to your girlfriend in any way? How would you feel if she cheated on you and never told you? Does she not deserve to know?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by C0bra_M3nace

How is this fair to your girlfriend in any way? How would you feel if she cheated on you and never told you? Does she not deserve to know?

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I am sorry. It is selfish on my side but it is the only option I am left with..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by que sera sera

I am sorry. It is selfish on my side but it is the only option I am left with..

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Why not face the consequences like an adult, you made the mistake not her, so why should she be the one left in the dark and why should you be the one to decide whether you can keep her? She's clearly not worth a damn to you if she doesn't deserve to know she's been cheated and doesn't have the chance to decide what she wants to do.