I work in education as a university lecturer. My boss is my friend, except, he has asked me to lie for him regarding a disciplinary procedure. He has been accused of serious bullying by an older lady secretary, I was not there. But knowing him as I do, I suspect that he did it as he has done it before and been accused of it many times, even though he has never bullied me. He has now asked me to lie for him, and say I was a witness when I wasn't. My dilemma is, should I report him to senior management, as his position is very responsible, and I am stressed about what to do. Or should I just say no, and shut up ?

Say 'Absolutely Not!' and leave it at that.

I agree - just say no.

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Originally Posted by hurtyhorse

i work in education as a university lecturer. my boss is my friend, except, he has asked me to lie for him regarding a disciplinary procedure. he has been accused of serious bullying by an older lady secretary, i was not there. but knowing him as i do, i suspect that he did it as he has done it before and been accused of it many times, even though he has never bullied me. he has now asked me to lie for him, and say i was a witness when i wasn't. my dilemma is, should i report him to senior management, as his positon is very responsible, and i am stressed about what to do. or should i just say no, and shut up ?

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I am concerned that your immediate answer wasn't, "No, I won't lie for you."

I see no need to report anyone to anyone.

Just say, "No."

Absolutely not! You will be disciplined and possibly fired for lying. Why would you risk your career?

OK, well I am disappointed in these answers. This man has beed accused of and I have witnessed hm in the past, bully and lie and et away with it. I have made the decision to report him, and quote martin luther king as a reason for this -

'The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict'

I curious what you're going to report? Unless the other people he's bullied come forward, it will be your word against his. You can't report this latest incident because you yourself admit you didn't witness it, which is why you weren't willing to lie about it.

I don't see what purpose your report will serve other than losing a friend. I also have to wonder how you're friends with someone you so obviously dislike.

I would just tell him that you won't lie for him, and leave it at that.

Yes, this is what has happened. A woman has accused him of bullying her, my original message contains the words 'he has been accused of serious bullying by an older lady secretary'. He has asked me to lie for him. He is undergoing a disciplinary procedure as we speak and I have been called as a witness but have yet to to give a statement. Should I tell the truth ? The truth being: he has asked me to say I was there and nothing happened, when I wasn't there ?

I am disappointed by the lack of moral courage on this forum - lies of silence are as bad as lies

You have changed this scenario a bit to add that you have been CALLED as a witness, not just that you have been asked to lie by the friend.
Now the ethical dilemma is slightly different, to my mind.
How do you reconcile telling the truth with friendship? Is refusing to testify the same (to the reviewers) as testifying that you weren't there (and therefore an indication that he asked you to lie)? I think so. By going to testify and saying bluntly that he asked you to lie, you are going out of your way to show that you are not his friend. By refusing to testify, you are effectively telling the review board that you weren't there, even though he put you down as being there, and thus he lied. He is guilty either way.

Laws (in the US anyway) allow for spousal privilege. You aren't a spouse, but the idea is the same. Maybe it all boils down to how close you were as friends. This isn't a murder trial, and he already has a past history of deeds like this one. You will be condemning enough by refusing to testify. And with human nature the way it is, even those who want to punish him will look on you with mistrust as a potential or present friend if you go out of your way to report what he asked you. Refusing to testify isn't a 'lie of silence' at all in this case - he's going to be seen as guilty if you testify or refuse to testify.

He might be seen as guilty, but he won't be found guilty, and he get off yet again and continue to bully somebody else. Lets hope its not you or someone you love.

Thanks for the considered word though

OK, we aren't there and don't have all the background of the other charges against him in the past. We are mostly a sounding board of different ideas for you to take or reject (and you did ask for advice at first, but now have made up your mind). Since testifying is what you feel is the right thing to do, then congratulations on your decision.

In business one has to make some choices, One should never of course say anything they do not know first hand, things they personally witness. Not things heard, not things told them from another person, it is that persons duty to say things.

I have known people fired ( and it all turned out false) because of people saying what they heard.

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Originally Posted by hurtyhorse

i am disappointed by the lack of moral courage on this forum - lies of silence are as bad as lies

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You've changed your story. That aside if you were so morally indignant I don't understand why you asked the question.

I have my own business. I managed my husband's businesses (yes plural). If "you" had come to me with this, to "tattle" on another employee you would be gone. The other employee would, of course, be asked about what is/was going on - but you would be gone.

Apparently this person didn't start bullying yesterday. This has been going on. Why the issue now?

And don't get all passive/aggressive on me: "Lets hope its not you or someone you love." No, it won't happen to me (I can't speak for other people) because I don't get bullied. I have no idea why an entire group of people being bullied jointly and individually needs you to defend them.

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Originally Posted by hurtyhorse

i am disappointed by the lack of moral courage on this forum - lies of silence are as bad as lies

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He asked you to lie for him, and instead of telling him you wouldn't (which would be the moral thing to do) you said nothing, and now you're being called as a witness, when you didn't witness anything.

You didn't give us all the details. You never mentioned before that you were already being called as a witness, you only said that your friend asked you to lie for him. That does change things.

So, when you're called as a witness tell the truth, that you didn't have the courage to do the right thing when your friend asked you to lie, but you've now become a Saint that tells others how they lack moral courage, and you are ready to do the right thing.

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Apparently this person didn't start bullying yesterday. This has been going on. Why the issue now?

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Exactly, and the OP never did anything about it then, but now he's suddenly became the poster child for morality, pointing his accusing fingers at others, people that don't have this dilemma because they do have morals and never let it get this far to begin with.

Bottom line, to the OP, you yourself said that he's been doing this for a long time, and you're aware of it. You never said anything about it to anyone, you remained silent. Didn't you just say something to me about silence? What was that again?

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lies of silence are as bad as lies

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I find it amusing that you dare chastise anyone on this site. You're the one with the issue, not us, and had you told the entire story to begin with, you would have gotten very different answers. Is it our fault that you weren't upfront and completely honest when you first posted here?

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I work in education as a university lecturer. My boss is my friend, except, he has asked me to lie for him regarding a disciplinary procedure. He has been accused of serious bullying by an older lady secretary, I was not there. But knowing him as I do, I suspect that he did it as he has done it before and been accused of it many times, even though he has never bullied me. He has now asked me to lie for him, and say I was a witness when I wasn't. My dilemma is, should i report him to senior management, as his positon is very responsible, and i am stressed about what to do. or should i just say no, and shut up ?

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Your original question was should you report him? Report him for what? Asking you to lie? Your word against his. He could very easily turn it around and say that you wanted his job and were lying to make him look even worse. After all, if he were as bad as you are now saying then you should have come forward a long time ago. What has changed? What is your real motive? Those are just a few of things that could be said or asked.

You could 'testify' at the hearing, but tell the truth that you weren't there. You didn't see what happened and truthfully answer any questions. Let what happens happen.

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Originally Posted by hurtyhorse

The truth being: he has asked me to say I was there and nothing happened, when I wasn't there ?

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This isn't the truth and you know it. Why would you even say 'The truth being... ' as you use moral grounds to blast others for their advice?

You can continue to remain silent as you have in the past.

You could talk to your 'friend' and ask him to get help before he ends up losing his job because he can't control himself.

Of course anything you do or don't do is up to you. Are you still his friend? I think my morals and ethics wouldn't allow me to call a person like him my friend.

Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Cat1864 again.

Bloody hell!

Well said Cat! Very well said!