My daughters father hasn't seen her in a year and recently told me he wouldn't fight me in any court setting. My boyfriend wants to adopt her she calls him dad and can't even remember her bio fathers name and didn't recognize him when he walked past our table at a small café in town even though she looked right at him. He was abusive and wants nothing to do with her. Would Wes be able to adopt her without us being married in Iowa.

I believe you have to be married first. I would suggest consulting a local family attorney, since you will need one to prepare the petition either way.