Today is our 4 years anniversary of dating. Well last week I bought up the issue of not having sex in our entire relationship and she not giving me enough time and affection etc. she said you I got really swamped in work etc its been more than a year since she has joined her company and by now things should have settled. Well to cut long story short she said you she will improve on time and affection part and hope we could re live our college romance days as we were dating since 2nd yr of college. Well she still has an issue with sex. I mean we have done oral and etc but not vaginal sex yet. And she was not ready on our 3 yrs of relationship I said fine take your time but 4 years is a bit too much of time to get ready and mentally prepare yourself for sex and her answer to this is I find it weird or stuff like that to have vaginal sex. I mean oral and mutual mastrubation was fine but this is not? I asked her does it has to do anything with pre maratial sex she was no I don't believe in that. Then what is the problem I do not know? As you could have guessed it I am sexually frustrated. Need some help ASAP!!

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Originally Posted by Abhirup

today is our 4 years anniversary of dating. Well last week i bought up the issue of not having sex in our entire relationship and she not giving me enough time and affection etc. she said ya i got really swamped in work etc its been more than a year since she has joined her company and by now things should have settled. Well to cut long story short she said ya she will improve on time and affection part and hope we could re live our college romance days as we were dating since 2nd yr of college. well she still has an issue with sex. I mean we have done oral and etc but not vaginal sex yet. And she was not ready on our 3 yrs of relationship I said fine take your time but 4 years is a bit too much of time to get ready and mentally prepare yourself for sex and her answer to this is I find it weird or stuff like that to have vaginal sex. I mean oral and mutual mastrubation was fine but this is not? I asked her does it has to do anything with pre maratial sex she was no I dont beleive in that. Then what is the problem I do not know? As you could have guessed it I am sexually frustrated. Need some help ASAP!!!!

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I don't think this is at all odd - MANY people consider sex to be penetration only and everything else is some other category.

Maybe she wants to be a technical virgin when she marries.

Maybe she's frustrated by a four year relationshp with no commitment.

Maybe she's tired of you asking her about it.

You're in an intimate relationship. You can either discuss it with her (which you apparently have done) and believe her - or disbelieve her and move on.

Just so I understand, you are frustrated by the lack of intercourse, not by the lack of sex?

EDIT: It appears you already asked this and it's already been answered. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...ex-632007.html

I had a similar feeling about sex as your girlfriend. The thought of sex for a long time just didn't appeal to me and sometimes it weirded me out. I felt this way in my teens and into my early 20's. I was also very scared of the pain. Just to let you know I didn't lose my virginity until I was 25 (I'm 30 now and love sex).

Anyway so I thought it was all a mental issue for me for the longest time. But gynecologist exams were always extremely painful (but I assumed that was normal because I was a virgin). Well I attempted sex a handful of times (with 1 person) in my early 20's and his penis literally could not go in at all, not even an inch. I still maybe thought this is normal because I was a virgin and I just need to relax more etc. But nothing worked. It was physically impossible for his penis to go in. Eventually I started getting painful symptoms down there but I won't go into that (too long of a story). At this point I was like okay this is a physical problem not mental.

What I finally found out is that my pelvic floor muscles were spasming. They were incredibly tight. I'm not saying this is what's the issue for your girlfriend, but you never know. What ended up working for me was physical therapy and using dilators. I had an extreme case, I highly highly doubt your girlfriend is in the situation I was. But maybe she is a little tight down there and using dilators can help with that. They come in a pack of different sizes and you gradually go up in size as you feel comfortable. I used those and by the time I finally lost my virginity at 25 it did not hurt at all! If she is open to using dilators she could learn how it feels to have something in her vagina (and realize it doesn't feel weird), and literally be able stretch herself out so when she finally does have sex there will be little to no pain at all.

Has she ever said that a gynecologist exam are really painful?

This may not be her issue at all but even if she is not tight at all down there, maybe using dilators would make her feel more comfortable about sex. And help to prepare her so it won't be painful.

But when it comes down to it she has to WANT to have sex in the first place. And want to face her fears and any weird feelings she has about it. You could mention the dilator idea and she might be interested. But if not, then drop it and let her be. If you pressure her she will want to have sex even less. My boyfriend ( now husband) never pressured me. He gave me all the time in the world. We didn't have sex until 4 years into the relationship.

I hope this helps!