Ask Me Help Desk - Want to adopt my grandchild

Suz, I have been caring and paying for all my grandchilds needs since birth. The' mother is married to my son, They were both young neither one of them has a job,education or a pot to piss in so to speak. The mother left the child in April2012 and went off to live in Ohio with a MALE friend and his family she hasn't sent me any she finally strolled back into NY in July but still not back with child. She has been living in a few different places free-loading off family and friends. She is Biploar and doesn't take any meds that she should be taking cause she says she can't get health insurance.She came to visit her daughter once or twice for 15 to 30 minutes and caused her daughter to be very upset and confused when she came and went, My granddaughter calls me "Mom" and my spouse "Daddy" My son refuses to care for her so I have taken on Mom to my grandchild. I don't feel either one can care for her nor are they stable. My son has had trouble with law and may need to go to jail for 1 to 3 years. I put my Grandchild under my health care and totally support and care for her. Would I be able to get custody of her? Otherwise Legal Guardian of her. I don't even know how to reach grandchild;s mom except by her cell phone. But, she always says she has no transportation and can't come.

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Originally Posted by SuzRN

Suz, I have been caring and paying for all my grandchilds needs since birth. The' mother is married to my son, They were both young neither one of them has a job,education or a pot to piss in so to speak. The mother left the child in April2012 and went off to live in Ohio with a MALE friend and his family she hasn't sent me any she finally strolled back into NY in July but still not back with child. She has been living in a few different places free-loading off family and friends. She is Biploar and doesn't take any meds that she should be taking cause she says she can't get health insurance.She came to visit her daughter once or twice for 15 to 30 minutes and caused her daughter to be very upset and confused when she came and went, My granddaughter calls me "Mom" and my spouse "Daddy" My son refuses to care for her so I have taken on Mom to my grandchild. I don't feel either one can care for her nor are they stable. My son has had trouble with law and may need to go to jail for 1 to 3 years. I put my Grandchild under my health care and totally support and care for her. Would I be able to get custody of her? Otherwise Legal Guardian of her. I don't even know how to reach grandchild;s mom except by her cell phone. But, she always says she has no transportation and can't come.

You need to consult with a family law attorney BEFORE the mother comes back and simply takes the child- and you can't stop her.

You will need to PROVE she is a danger to the children either mentally or physically.

First I good give a lecture about getting a child, to call someone who is not mom and dad, ( mom and dad) yes the child is confused because you have allowed or even caused it by not being honest of who you are.

Will the mom and dad just sign over to allow you to adopt, or to give you guardianship ?

If not, you need an attorney and maybe a PI now to prove mother is a risk to the child.

If you do not have legal guardianship of the child, then you may have committed fraud by putting her on your health insurance. Did you check with your employer about who you can add as a dependent?

You need to go to court ASAP to get awarded legal guardianship.

Whether you can adopt depends on whether you can either prove the parents unfit or they will agree to the adoption. In either case, you need an attorney to guide you through this.

According to my insurance I am allowed to add a grandchild to my insurance. She was added as my Grandchild so no fraud there. Do I need an attorney to file for legal guardianship? Doesn't the mother being out of sight and leaving child for 6 months count as abandonment? She left the state and told us she was going to her mom's house to work with her and could only come home on weekends. My sgrandchild often just leaves and last time was gone for 4 days. He doesen't tell me he's leaving. I just discover he is gone. I seem to always just have my grandchild and the two of them think it's OK to run doing whatever and I am raising and support there child, But neither one of them wants to allow me to have leagal guardianship. Can I go to family court and file for legal guardianship without an attorney. I really don't have the money for an attorney I was quote upward from $6000 or higher for this situation. I desperately don't want to lose the child she has lived in my house since birth, has her own room and doesn't understand. The mother never had a stable home life nor a stable place to live since leaving my house where she lived stablely for the past 3 years plus. The mother was transferred from relative to relative and was emotionally abused by her Aunt and cousins as a child, She is a compulsive liar and her mother was a drug addict and that is why her father chose to push her off between relatives because he worked his own business and was too busy with girlfriends to raise his daughter himself. I desperately don't want this happening to my grandchild. My house and her life are very stable for her.

OK, so the insurance thing is good.

You don't need an attorney, but if they fight you it may be difficult without one. Yes, you can cite abandonment, but that's only a guideline, its not a slam dunk.