I am married for almost 20 years. I met my wife so young and thought I should just get married. So it wasn't like hot love or anything similar. She is a very nice person but a bit different from me. She doesn't like sex and I do. She is not romantic but I am. I always initiate sex but she never. I think she just do it because I ask for it. I didn't know this kind of difference makes me feel really lonely at this stage of my life.

Then I met a girl who is in her late 20s. She liked me and respected me. We communicated over emails and met several times. She has her boy friend but we managed to meet just two of us. After several meetings, I kissed her and she touched my face. I put my hand on her leg she didn't mind. Then a few weeks later we met again and I suggested we go to motel. She followed. I kissed her and took her shirt off and did that. But I didn't dare touch her pant. She told me she needed to go toilet and realised that she put tissues there because she was wet. I touched her bum behind of her back and put my hand into her jean but didn't take off. I asked her whether it is okay for us to have sex she said she can't - who would say yes? I was naïve...

Anyway we spent almost 3 hours just hugging and talking but no sex because she told me she is virgin so I wanted to respect her. But the feeling is that she already had sex with her boyfriend because when I called her early morning her boyfriend answered the phone and I hang up then a few hours later I called again she answered.

I think she was trying to leave her boyfriend and finally she moved back to her home country. We still talked over emails and I sent something to her address.

Now she is trying to come back to my country and have been trying to help her to get a job. However I don't know whether she loves me or not. The thing is that I don't feel this kind of feeling with my wife but whenver I think of her it makes me feel like a man. BTW I am mid forties with nice body and good looking :-) we have one daughter who is 9 years old.

My question is:
1. What should I do with my wife? I am not sure whether I am happy with her. She is a nice person and mother to our daugther but please don't get me wrong but she is quite different from me and I don't enjoy.

2. What about my daugther? She is so lovely and I don't want make her unhappy. She told me she is the happiest person on the earth because of us.

3. What about this girl who is about 26 years old? She told me we should met earlier. She seems like me but never confess. However she left my country 10 months ago and for the period we have been communicating. She might be coming back to reunite with her boy friend in my country but I don't know. She replied to me but I don't know what her feeling for me is

I know I am not sure what to do. Yes it might be mid life crisis but do you think it is selfish to go with something makes you happy or you scarifice your life to make other people happy hiding your true feeling? I don't know...

You sound very selfish to me. You cheated on your wife with another woman. You haven't even considered how this cheating will affect your wife and daughter. You need to get some counseling with your wife because it sounds like you didn't even speak to her about your problems.

teacherjenn4 Thank you for your oponion and advice... I understand where you are coming from... that is why I call it mid life crisis.

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Originally Posted by jimon007

teacherjenn4 Thank you for your oponion and advice... I understand where you are coming from... that is why I call it mid life crisis.

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Are you willing to give up your wife and daughter for a woman you hardly know? And when she meets someone closer to her age, what will you do?

If you want to move on with your life genuinely then you should think it through from that aspect but DO NOT let another women be the influence or reasoning in anyway behind your decision. Because in the long run it won't be for the right reasons and will end things in a mess. You cheated even if you did not have sex. When you say "sacrifice", think about what really you are sacrificing and if your even sacrificing that much anyway by being with the family you have been with for 20 years. Why don't you try fixing what you have before taking the easy way out. Because you are effecting more lives than you know by just one single decision. And your going to hurt a lot of people you love. Maybe what you had with the 26 yr old was that "something different" you were looking for and you might just be biased on how great that women really is because you met her at a time like this rather than when you were really in love with your wife. You fell in love with your wife for a reason and started a family for a reason. Figure out why and rekindle that. Try again. You'll never know what you might gain from trying. You might realize you and your wife have a lot more in common than you think. After all, you guys have 20 yrs in common. That's the first thing you should do. Talk to her and see what her side is and then take it from there and see if it works or not.

teacherjenn4 Thank you for your time and spot on advice...

Maybe that is one thing but the other thing is what about my feeling about my wife... we live only once and the more I live with her the more I feel that we are different. Yes she is a wonderful person but I feel like something is missing and my life is so pretentious as I always try to be the best husband I can be and she was told by other people that she has the best husband. So this is problem...

Rize so wise and thoughtful.. Yes I might have been trying to avoid the situation and happened to meet this girl... but all started innocently as I said I didn't have sex even though I could have done so. So you are dead right - two things are different issues here. Many thanks - you makes me think...

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Originally Posted by jimon007

teacherjenn4 Thank you for your time and spot on advice...

Maybe that is one thing but the other thing is what about my feeling about my wife... we live only once and the more I live with her the more i feel that we are different. Yes she is a wonderful person but I feel like something is missing and my life is so pretentious as I always try to be the best husband I can be and she was told by other people that she has the best husband. So this is problem...

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If something is missing, then speak to your wife. That excitement you once felt isn't going to be the same, but you can create a new, deeper love and appreciation.

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If something is missing, then speak to your wife. That excitement you once felt isn't going to be the same, but you can create a new, deeper love and appreciation.

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Yes I tried but she is different from me. I am quite romantic and sensible she is not. Just feeling empty most of time even I pretend I am happy. Feeling that my life will just go by like this...

What ever you are going through, its no excuse for bad behavior. Ever think of just some good clean adult fun to fill the gaps of your life? Most of us just buy weird clothes, or a fancy sport car, or take up sky diving. Do something more constructive than turn into a man whore for gosh sakes as if you think about it, there are better ways to be happy thrilled and celebrate the last throws of youth than being a lying cheating scum bag!

Take your wife with you and have some fun. No need to be a self pitying arse hole, just because you are getting up there fella! LIFE IS TOO SHORT FOR NONSENSE. Go get some vitamins or see a doctor.

May I ask how you met your wife? Why did you choose to marry her? What is your wife's life like?

You say that she isn't romantic or into sex. How do you define romantic? Do you ever attempt to show affection that isn't an attempt to have sex? Have you ever given her a flower just because you felt like it or gave her a caress to feel her skin and nothing more? Do you help her around the house so that she doesn't feel like a maid or housekeeper who warms your bed?

Does she have any time for herself to concentrate on anything other you, your daughter and the home? Does she get the time to explore her own sensuality?

Your playmate is a young woman who doesn't have the responsibility of fixing your dinner, washing your dishes, cleaning your house, washing your dirty underwear or the thousand other things your wife is responsible for doing every day of her life. The playmate can be your fantasy and then send you home to the woman who keeps reality in order. If you left your wife for the playmate, the playmate would become the same 'nice person, but... ' that your wife is because you don't seem to be able to communicate and work with your mate to keep the spark alive.

If you can't work with your wife to better your marriage and it would be best for both of you and your daughter, then leave. But do not leave your wife to jump into a relationship with the playmate or anyone else. Leave to be on your own for awhile and learn what it is that you are missing and how to fill that void yourself instead of expecting someone else to take care of it for you. You will not be happy as long as you expect someone else to be responsible for your happiness.

Dear Talaniman
I appreciate your advice - even though you may have been a bit harshy. Yes I guess you are right but I don't have luxury items you talked about. I am the only source of income and for my life I work and work...

Giving advice should be from caring mind not just jumping to conclusion as if you know everything and as if you are truly sacred God. If you did so your advice would have been much easier to digest.

When you live your life you have ups and downs. I am trying my best to get things right. Confessing here is one of them.

Once again thank you for your advice but I still think you are missing at least 2% - warm and understanding heart - just my 2 cents.

Dear Cat1864
You made me think and think... and thank you.. I will ponder about this...

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Originally Posted by Cat1864

May I ask how you met your wife? Why did you choose to marry her? What is your wife's life like?

You say that she isn't romantic or into sex. How do you define romantic? Do you ever attempt to show affection that isn't an attempt to have sex? Have you ever given her a flower just because you felt like it or gave her a caress to feel her skin and nothing more? Do you help her around the house so that she doesn't feel like a maid or housekeeper who warms your bed?

Does she have any time for herself to concentrate on anything other you, your daughter and the home? Does she get the time to explore her own sensuality?

Your playmate is a young woman who doesn't have the responsibility of fixing your dinner, washing your dishes, cleaning your house, washing your dirty underwear or the thousand other things your wife is responsible for doing every day of her life. The playmate can be your fantasy and then send you home to the woman who keeps reality in order. If you left your wife for the playmate, the playmate would become the same 'nice person, but...' that your wife is because you don't seem to be able to communicate and work with your mate to keep the spark alive.

If you can't work with your wife to better your marriage and it would be best for both of you and your daughter, then leave. But do not leave your wife to jump into a relationship with the playmate or anyone else. Leave to be on your own for awhile and learn what it is that you are missing and how to fill that void yourself instead of expecting someone else to take care of it for you. You will not be happy as long as you expect someone else to be responsible for your happiness.

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I love this part the most "You will not be happy as long as you expect someone else to be responsible for your happiness. "