Ask Me Help Desk - Sexualized fantasy of being someone else

I'm a male in my 30s. I have a very close female friend (once her boyfriend) who I still see occasionally. I feel I can tell her anything. She doesn't think she is anything special herself but I have an unshakeable fantasy that I want to be her, I find everything about her sensual. Ive told her my fantasy and she says she's flattered but doesn't understand why I feel that way about her. It's just feels like every desire in my body is centered around this fantasy, like I'd literally give anything to be her. I don't expect anyone to find this normal, just share your opinions with me. Thanks.

I find it normal to have fantasy, perhaps a little less normal you told her about it.

So she has no interest in dating ( or do you even want that ?) It does sound like she has some low self image issues, not seeing her own self worth.

We grew up together, she's 5 years younger than me, we've been attracted to each other since our teens. I'm straight but do have a fem side and enjoy dressing up on occasion, she's the only person I've ever told about this and us very supportive to this day, we've had dressing up and makeup parties together in the past. We did date briefly about 16 years ago and have since both met other partners. She has two kids to a guy who knocked her confidence (she's shy anyway but she put on weight when she was with him and became depressed) she's happy with another guy now but says she will always love me. I often fantasise that we are together as a couple. I feel like I have a spiritual connection with her, so strong that I can tell her anything, including that I want to be her.

Sounds like a good friend, does your new partner not know aobut your dressing up and make up parties ( that is not near as odd as you may think it is on the terms of fedishes)

My wife knows about one of my fantasy, there was a cheer leader from high school, I had off and on had a fantasy about her for many years.

No one knows anything apart from her.

Our fedishes and habits should not ever be hiden from our partner ( although they should have known before you got committed) if they are harmless into theirself, if it be dressing or make up, or shoes or wearing ladies panties or a 1000 other ones. The wonders one can do with glow in the dark body paint (LOL) Role playing and so on.

These are things that just make us who we are.

If she is the only person who knows about your enjoyment of feminization, then it may be her acceptance of you as a whole person that is shaping your fantasy. She is a role model of being a good person not just a good female.

She accepts who you are and encourages it. That is a very special person.

I wonder if the desire is so powerful because you can't have the full female experience just by dressing up. I am not saying that you ultimately want to be a female, but that there may be a part of you that wants to know what it would be like to fully trade your masculine body for a female one for a brief time. Since she is a role-model, she has become the template.

Also, I bet you know more about her life and experiences than you have your other friends and girlfriends. That knowledge would help to fill out the details in the fantasy.

Do you currently have a girlfriend?

Hi Cat thanks for your concise reply. Yes the role model suggestion does seem to make sense, but it doesn't account of the highly sexualized nature of my fantasies about her. I often indulge in the fantasy that I am her as I reach orgasm for example, or sometimes as a means of achieving it. I'm thinking to myself all the time along the lines of "I wish I was Gemma" or "I'd give anything to be Gemma" etc. I'm in total awe of everything about her. Her hair, the curve of her legs and body, her voice. Everything holds me in rapture.

Hello, is anyone still available to discuss this with me?

It seem like you are in love with this girl and she is not sure about herself right now because she has been put down so much by her husband and she will need a lot of time to get over it . But I think if you just not try to rush her let her know how you feel and let her know that you think she is beautiful to you and if she said anything about her weight let her know that , that has nothing to do with it . That you know her better then anyone else in the world and that you love her for her and because she is your dreams come true . But you will give her time she need and let her know that you will always be there for her . That her weight has nothing to do with the way you feel about her . Because I know how she feels about her weight.
I know about the this myself because I was married to a man for 28 years but we where together for 35 years I was 16 years old when we got together and he got sick and was disable from 1988 and he pass away in 2011 and I still miss his sometimes but I don't miss him as much as I though I would and I put on weight and he was made me feel like I was so fat he would talk about people how he seen that weight a lot being over weight runs in my family . And now I have someone in my life that love me for me and not what I look like and he listen to me when I need to vent and he know just what to say at the right time and he tell me 1000 times a day that he love me and that I am his dreams come true .

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paulyz

Hello, is anyone still available to discuss this with me?

Please keep in mind that this is a Q and A board, not a chat room, and we're all volunteers here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BS1960

It seem like you are in love with this girl and she is not sure about herself right now because she has been put down so much by her husband and she will need a lot of time to get over it . But I think if you just not try to rush her let her know how you feel and let her know that you think she is beautiful to you and if she said anything about her weight let her know that , that has nothing to do with it . That you know her better then anyone else in the world and that you love her for her and because she is your dreams come true . But you will give her time she need and let her know that you will always be there for her . That her weight has nothing to do with the way you feel about her . Because I know how she feels about her weight.
I know about the this myself because I was married to a man for 28 years but we where together for 35 years I was 16 years old when we got together and he got sick and was disable from 1988 and he pass away in 2011 and I still miss his sometimes but I don't miss him as much as I though I would and I put on weight and he was made me feel like I was so fat he would talk about people how he seen that weight a lot being over weight runs in my family . And now I have someone in my life that love me for me and not what I look like and he listen to me when I need to vent and he know just what to say at the right time and he tell me 1000 times a day that he love me and that I am his dreams come true .

Quite frankly, I have no idea what you are talking about. Did you read the question? It has NOTHING to do with weight.

Perhaps you should open your own thread if relationships/weight or not missing your partner of 35 years are your issues.

You could certainly help other people who have relationship/weight issues.