Hi guys,

This is my first time I am making a post and I really need some advice. I feel really lost about my situation and I appreciate any form of advice.

I'm lina and I'm 23. This is my first relationship, my first love. He is a 28 year old Italian. We met 2 years ago when we were in final month of university in London.

The first 6 months were fine. We were together almost every weekend. He will come over to stay at my place on saturdays and leave on Sunday evenings. We hardly went out whenever he was over and we never saw, call or text each other during the week. It wasn't what I thought of in a relationship, as he wasn't like this when we were dating. He would take the effort to take me out on dates and text me all the time.

I thought that situation was bad enough because of the little communication. I thought he was just there for the regular sex but little did I know, it was going to get worse.

I had to move back to my home country in Asia, as I had to tend to my family business. He did promise me that he will move to my country to settle down and be closer to me, with him going back to visit his family during the major holidays. We have been in a long distance relationship for 1.5 years and counting. Throughout this period, we've had more downs than ups. He was jobless 2 months after I left and during the time of job-searching, we skyped everyday. It was not easy for him to find a job in London because of the economical situation and furthermore in my country, as he didn't have the experience companies were searching for, and there was the problems of work permits. It was really hard for us as he didn't have the necessary means to come visit me (although it was all right for him to fly back to italy to spend time with his family few times for christmas, easter and his friend's wedding). He finally got a job 2 months ago and now has been saving quite a fair bit. He's made it a point to call me every morning before he goes to work, and to skype me during the weekends whenever we can although he still insists that he is unable to travel to see me as he still in his probationary period at work.

I've made the effort to keep the relationship going by making 2 trips to London to see him.The most recent trip was great. I stayed at his place and he did more than what he would usually do for me when we were together- he cooked, we went out to wherever I wanted to go, picnics, dinners, shopping, movies etc. However, my trip was not as long as I wanted it to be and I had to return to work.
Upon my return home, he promised that he would come visit me for my birthday and our 2nd year anniversary which falls in November.

In our last telephone conversation I had with him, he told me that he will be taking leave in October as he paid for his parents to come visit him. He also told me that he will be taking few days leave to go back home for xmas to spend time with his family especially his sisters who he hasn't seen in a year. As for me, he told me he would not be able to come visit me until next year.

Personally, he is a ladies man. From my understanding, he has lots of female friends since high school. He keeps me in the loop on who they are and when I'm with him physically, he doesn't flirt with other girls. But during my recent trip with him, I checked his mobile and realized that he has been texting other girls. I questioned him about this and he told me that these were coursemates that he met during his night classes and they just wanted to go out for drinks. I don't quite understand why he did not tell me about these trips, when he normally would if he were going out with the guys.

With this long distance going on, I feel less trusting towards him and that there is a possibility that he would cheat on me. I've talked with him about this but he keeps reassuring me that there is nothing. I also fear that when the day actually comes that he decides to move to Asia, my trust towards him is less especially when I know Asian girls are more aggressive in their pursuit for caucasian men. Do you think I'm being paranoid and do you think he is just taking me for a ride? Should I break up with him? On the one hand, I want to end this misery but on the other hand, I don't want to give him up as I really do love him. What should I do?

Thank you for taking the time to read! I appreciate your advice.

If you don't trust him why stay with him. Trust is one of the most important ingredients for a healthy relationship. Without trust, you'll live in the shadow of doubt and that's no way to have a relationship. It may be best to break things off.

Tough choice when you are in love and there are these complications but to be honest, his priorities are other things besides you and he does have a great life without you. That's what makes a distance relationship very hard since you don't get what you want, get disappointed a lot, and its hard to trust a fun loving fellow who has made time for family and friends and not you.

I think its time to consider is your love brought you happiness or will it,or if this thing has gone far enough and its time for some changes.

I think your love is better served getting him out of your system, and getting a better handle on your own life and stop waiting for him to come through for you, because at this rate, it could take YEARS for him to make a move that you brings you together finally.

So what is he doing to magicly have the skills to work in your country, if he does not have them now, is he going back to school, learning new trades ? I doubt it.

If he wanted to really be with you, how about teaching English at a local school, there should be jobs for that?

He does not want to move, and in my opinion does not plan on moving,

Opinion you are wasting you time waiting on him.

Thank you all for the input.

Trust: It's not that I don't want to trust him. I would very much love to, as constant worrying is tiring. I'm not a possessive or clingy person. I don't expect or demand an update every hour of every day. Communication is not strong in the relationship, and its an aspect that hope would improve.To be able to trust him, I would like to be certain that despite the distance going on and with distractions everywhere, I know for sure that I'm in his heart and mind, and he really knows where his priorities lies.

Work: Based on my understanding, finding work may pose as an obstacle for him as companies here recruit expats only if they have the necessary work experience and can offer something different than the local employees. Companies have to vouch for their foreign employees and to be entitled to work permits, they would need to earn a certain level of income, which is higher than locals.

I have brought up the idea of teaching English in schools, as these jobs are indeed high in demand. However, he has made it clear it is not in his interest to do so as that is not in line with his interest in marketing; working in a completely different field would be a waste of his education and his parent's efforts/money.

His reasons for staying there is because he would like to build up some form of work experience in the related field before moving over, so to increase his chances of finding work here. Also, my most recent conversation with him, he mentioned that the soonest he can come is January next year. I have heard this before, yet there is a part of me that believes him.

Should I give him a chance till January? I really do love him and I am willing to be patient if I know that he is sincere and serious with me.

You can do better than this "I am not ready, willing or able type of guy".