Is there any sense in staying in this marriage?
I'm not sure where to start. For the first 1and a half yrs of our marriage, I felt that were perfect together. But ever since I conceived and had our kid, things have been so different! I realise now that all these aspects of my husband were probably always there but they were not apparent earlier. It seems as if the current life we have is bringing out all those aspects of his character.
He and I fight all the time. More like I fight while he calmly sticks to his guns about what his stance is. It feels as though he doesn't particularly care that I'm upset about the issue. He'd go and read a nice book within seconds of our fight, eat dinner with a good appetite and so on. More importantly, he never accepts that he may be wrong or mistaken or even that it may be ambiguous. His way is always the right way. Whatever I'm stating may be so BUT (here he states his own argument again). There is no compromise.
One of the main issues is that he controls all the money. Since I got pregnant, I'd left my job and he started working 6 months later. I do not have access to the income. He makes the purchases when we go out and if I need money for anything at all, I have to ask him, that too, in advance so that he has time to withdraw it. I have often been at home with not a penny in my pocket. He doles out the money to me for my household and personal needs. He decides whether we have enough money to buy an item or service.
His reasoning for this is that he thinks that I will spend all the money rashly if I know how much is there and can access it. This is the case despite the fact that he's seen now and before we got married, how careful I am about money. I have lived alone and budgeted my expenses on a much smaller salary than most people can imagine. Yet, he thinks that he knows all about budgeting and I don't. And that is his excuse for not giving me equal access to the money and an equal role in planning the expenses. So I asked if I could get access if we made a budget together that suited us both. He said that he would see about it. I think that this is just ridiculous. I'm not a kid. I taken care of myself far better than he has of himself in the past. Why should I have to ask my husband for money like some child or beggar? Is this normal?
He doesn't understand why it upsets me so much. He thinks that it shouldn't matter because he doesn't spend the money on himself and I know what the monthly expenses are and therefore can figure out how much is left. He just does not understand that it deprives me of my self-respect.
And I know that once the budget is made, there will be some other condition laid by him before I am allowed to handle the money. He also keeps thinking of our expenses separately. For example, he thinks that we should split the money left over after household expenses, savings and contingencies, right down the middle. He takes half and I take half and then we spend it however we want. He calls it 'my money' and 'your money'! It makes no sense to me. Acc to me, this is not how a family operates.
Problem 2 is that he never stands up for me. He's allowed cab drivers and other strange men to yell at me and never moved a muscle of his limbs or mouth except to tell me not to shout. This is something I really hate. I think that my man should stand up for me as I would jolly well do for him.
Problem 3 is the hygiene problem. He has some disgusting habits which I earlier thought he had because he didn't know any better and because he'd had no mum to teach him. I thought that once he knew how things were done, he'd change these habits. But he hasn't. The habits are BO, farting, burping, not washing properly (although he thinks he has) after using the toilet. And also generally never taking the trouble to at least try to behave in a civilized way in front of me. I understand that a man needs to be comfortable at home, but not at the expense of his wife's comfort. I don't even feel like sleeping with him any more. Not that he's great in that arena either.
My issue is that we have a child. I'm afraid of the idea of him not having his dad around at home should I decide to get out of this. I'm also not sure if this can work or whether it is a dead-end relationship. We are like 2 friends staying together, not husband and wife in the way we function. I feel that he doesn't love me enough to compromise for me. I love him but this relationship is draining me.
