I met a man who's smart, funny and just wonderful. After a few dates, I learned that he was married. (He didn't wear a ring but had a tattoo on his ring finger- I asked about it and he told me.)

By this time I'd developed a massive attraction to him and we'd begun fooling around a bit. Things heated up and my conscience got to me and so I tried to end it. I pointed out that it was a losing proposition for me and I would no longer accept it. He agreed.

But after that he still kept coming round just to see me, and no surprise I broke and let him into my apartment. Before he left, he said he wanted to let me 'win' as well, and left some money behind. The next day I rang him to return the money and he said yes he would meet me to pick it up. The same thing happened. I am so enormously attracted to this man and don't have the strength to turn him down, but the money is getting to me. I desperately want the affair to stop for all reasons you can imagine, but just can't seem to do so. What does that make me now? I'm racked with guilt and feel cheapened and I can't get out of it. Please help.

So you choose attraction over common sense, dignity, or self respect? Tell him you need his wife's permission to carry on!

Then work on your dignity and self respect, or put the money in the bank, or better, charge him more. Sorry to be harsh but you better do something to get him out of your life, and not be so easy because you are attracted.

NO BUTTS!!

So are you attracted to him for him... or his money?

He pays you after you have sex with him? You know what that makes you, right?

At least he is willing to pay, all good mistress get all their bills paid.

But you stop seeing him, you don't answer phone, don't answer door if it is him, and you gain your dignity. Bet he would not like it if you called his wife and asked her if this was OK.

So he's gone on a holiday with his wife, and won't be back till next week. I think I'm doing well, I haven't been in contact. He's dropped a text to say "how are you babe" to which I didn't reply. But I am thinking of him like crazy. I am missing him like mad. My resolve is strong while he's gone but not sure what will happen once he's back. Thanks for your answers- it's helping me clear my mind.

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Originally Posted by Hollyhen

So he's gone on a holiday with his wife, and won't be back till next week. I think I'm doing well, I haven't been in contact. He's dropped a text to say "how are you babe" to which I didn't reply. But I am thinking of him like crazy. I am missing him like mad. My resolve is strong while he's gone but not sure what will happen once he's back. Thanks for your answers- it's helping me clear my mind.

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I hope it is clearing your mind. He is making you a KEPT woman. He has you hooked into giving him something his wife isn't and it is not a respectable situation. I hope he and you are using protection against pregnancy.

Pregnant is not what you want to be.

Let me tell you how I handled it.

In my late teens, an ex-boyfriend of mine called me out of the blue and said he needed to talk. He missed me, blah blah blah. We parted on good terms, so I thought, why not?

He asked to take me to dinner, but drove to a steakhouse WAY out of our town. It was a few cities away, and it's not like it was something great to drive all that way. I began to get really uncomfortable. Then, I am sure I don't have to tell you what he tried next. After I smacked him off me and told him to take me home, I found out that he was engaged. I had NO idea, or I would never have gone out with him. I was incredibly glad that I didn't let him touch me. I was SO enraged that I not only told his fiancée, but everyone else. She ended up marrying him anyway, and later divorced him because of guess what... wait for it... wait for it... adultery. I never allowed him contact with me again after that, and I made sure he would know what I would do to him if he tried!

Bottom Line: If he does it WITH you, he'll do it TO you. Don't put yourself in that position. Or better yet, put yourself in his wife's position. And if some man paid me for sex, I would feel cheap, too. Don't allow that, period. You CAN get out of this.

This guy has no respect for you, if he did he he would have listened to you the first time.
He knows your weakness and he figures it's the money. What an awful position for a woman to be in, especially when she can get out but chooses not to.
It's a choice. Tell him to leave you alone and make yourself unavailable.

He's back... And yes he called. But from a blocked number, so I answered. Strange that he chose to call from a blocked number but I didn't pursue. We chatted a bit, he was interesting, he didn't ask to meet. But I didn't feel anymore that I wanted to fly into his arms (thank you guys!) - I felt a little angry actually. I thought I might be jealous that he'd gone on a trip with his wife, but it wasn't jealousy. It was anger that he'd put me in this situation. I don't want to be here. I don't want to do this anymore.

Oh good. I am so glad to hear that, Holly. You should be angry, because you deserve better! Put him in his place (out of your life) and keep him there.