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-   -   Trust thrown away (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=701561)

  • Sep 12, 2012, 06:57 PM
    Keisha25
    Trust thrown away
    I have been with my boyfriend for four months and I have lied to him about one of my exes because he hates him. I ultimately told him the truth after 4months of being together but that along with the people I have hung out with have caused him to completely lose trust in me. I do love him to death and only lied to remove the questions and awkwardness that comes around when he mentions my ex. I am torn between just breaking up with him and holding strong with him even though he doesn't trust me one bit. I am a nice person and love to see the people around me happy but how do I re-write my wrongs when everything I say now can seem like a lie because I have in the past?
  • Sep 12, 2012, 07:07 PM
    teacherjenn4
    You can't make a wrong a right, but if you truly care about him, then you will have to work to build his trust. Hopefully, his view of you will change over time if you continue to be truthful from now on. Discuss your plans to be honest with him.
  • Sep 12, 2012, 07:13 PM
    Keisha25
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by teacherjenn4 View Post
    You can't make a wrong a right, but if you truly care about him, then you will have to work to build his trust. Hopefully, his view of you will change over time if you continue to be truthful from now on. Discuss your plans to be honest with him.

    Thanks a lot. But also he has issues with me going to the females around me for advice when at times I feel as if he is being cold towards me but in fact it isn't me just spitting out information it is simply me asking for advice. How do I go about doing that without him or his family and friends thinking I am trying to cause trouble because when we are happy it is wonderful but once an argument starts it's like going to war back and forth till someone cries which usually is me.
  • Sep 12, 2012, 07:24 PM
    teacherjenn4
    Are you sure this guy is the one for you? I agree, that when the two of you have problems, you might want to keep it between the two of you. It obviously bothers him to know that others share in your personal problems. What concerns me most is the arguing. If it goes that far, I wouldn't put up with it. Sure, an occasional argument happens in any relationship, but going to war and you ending up crying all of the time... hmmm. Not what I would want for a boyfriend.
  • Sep 12, 2012, 07:29 PM
    Keisha25
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by teacherjenn4 View Post
    Are you sure this guy is the one for you? I agree, that when the two of you have problems, you might want to keep it between the two of you. It obviously bothers him to know that others share in your personal problems. What concerns me most is the arguing. If it goes that far, I wouldn't put up with it. Sure, an occasional argument happens in any relationship, but going to war and you ending up crying all of the time....hmmm. Not what I would want for a boyfriend.
    That has me wondering because we do good together but the arguments on a constant is ridiculous and in the end I am blamed 70percent of the time. 4 months and the arguments override the happiness and he says it is best to get it out of the way so in the future we don't have to argue and just be completely happy
  • Sep 12, 2012, 07:33 PM
    teacherjenn4
    Take a piece of paper and fold it in half. Write all the good things about the relationship on one side and all the bad things on the other. I have a feeling that there is more bad than good. Arguing now does not prevent future arguing. In fact, if this is how you two argue now, it won't change. If arguments override the happiness, this is not a good relationship to be in.
  • Sep 12, 2012, 07:36 PM
    Keisha25
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by teacherjenn4 View Post
    Take a piece of paper and fold it in half. Write all the good things about the relationship on one side and all the bad things on the other. I have a feeling that there is more bad than good. Arguing now does not prevent future arguing. In fact, if this is how you two argue now, it won't change. If arguments override the happiness, this is not a good relationship to be in.
    Your probably right his family and my family think it's us being young and him being insecure about my exes and that we can move on from it but you are right we probably are not meant to be in a relationship we may just need to be friends and call the relationship quits
  • Sep 12, 2012, 07:54 PM
    Homegirl 50
    This does not sound like a fun relationship and it is only 4 months old. I think you need to walk away from this before it turns ugly.
  • Sep 12, 2012, 07:55 PM
    teacherjenn4
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    This does not sound like a fun relationship and it is only 4 months old. I think you need to walk away from this before it turns ugly.
    I think we all agree, time to end it.
  • Sep 12, 2012, 07:55 PM
    Keisha25
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    This does not sound like a fun relationship and it is only 4 months old. I think you need to walk away from this before it turns ugly.
    Yea I thought I could change it but I just keep hurting myself instead of making it better
  • Sep 12, 2012, 08:05 PM
    teacherjenn4
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Keisha25 View Post
    yea i thought i could change it but i just keep hurting myself instead of making it better
    Give yourself some time alone to work on yourself. Next guy, be truthful from the beginning. And, never ever let a guy treat you poorly like this. You deserve better.
  • Sep 12, 2012, 08:17 PM
    Keisha25
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by teacherjenn4 View Post
    Give yourself some time alone to work on yourself. Next guy, be truthful from the beginning. And, never ever let a guy treat you poorly like this. You deserve better.
    Yea I should think about me and not a relationship... all the men I've been with either has cheated on me or hurt me in some way

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